Category Archives: Breakups

How To Deal With Dead-End Relationships

In relationships, if we don’t have a strong sense of ourselves, we end up being in relationships with someone who precisely fit the traits we’ve rejected, disowned and abated. For example, if you happened to be someone coming from a dysfunctional family, it’s highly likely that you’ll have a partner who too, has a dysfunctional family.

When you meet a man and have a strong chemistry, you start that to feel that you can’t live with him. Give it a few months to a few years; you’ll realize that he is making you mad – but in a bad way. He seems not to notice your needs, let alone fulfill them. You want him to give you attention, gifts and to adore you. Instead, he takes you for the usual dinner date every weekend.

So, you try everything to make him pay more attention to you. You cook him nice dinner, lose some weight, dress sexy, and suggest that you both visit a therapist. Nothing drastic happens that will bring the love back when you first met each other. So, you do more, and doing it makes him move even farther away from you. The fire in the relationship dies, and you’re back to square one.

The only thing that will make you love you back is to love yourself back. It’s self-love that will bring back the spark in your relationship. To achieve self-love, it is necessary you develop the ability to receive love, help, and support. You should be accepting to receiving compliments. Here are five techniques that will be helpful to receive love from your partner:

1. Note down your intention for the relationship. How do you want to be treated? How do you want to feel? What spiritual goal do you want to achieve in this relationship? How does your partner lead his life?

2. We have good, bad and the ugly part of our life. Create a list of the all the behaviors and traits that your ex-partners had in common – good, bad or unmentionable. Then put down a note beside of each item. The note will have a reminder of all the things that you’ve have seen in one or both of your parents.

3. Now, make a list of critical things that you wanted to receive from the relationship. If you have a partner or dating, someone, ask them to do the same like you did including the traits list. Try to understand in which way you wanted to be loved by your partner or in the way you want to love your partner.

4. Track the amount of time you spend doing all the activities you did in a month. Now, separately highlight all the things you don’t like to do. Do you want to get rid or redesign the activities you like to do and don’t like do? Find out which tasks will be helpful to self-love.

5. Make a dreamy collage of pictures that depict your genuine and honest feelings about love, intimacy, relationship, marriage, and family. Place it in place that you can always see when you wake up in the morning and go to sleep in the night. It will help you program your subconscious and help you focus on what you truly desire in a relationship. Get rid of any physical things that aren’t beautiful, meaningful or useful in life.

Dealing with a dead-end relationship isn’t easy. But these tips will help to put the all things essential in your eyes and hands that will bring back the love in your heart.


Is Your Relationship Affecting You Too Much?

Relationships aren’t easy. Many men and women have been persistently complaining that they’re giving too much in their relationships. They say that their relationships are taking a toll on them; they started to resent it and feel that they aren’t appreciated enough for their efforts. Even more unfortunate is the man that you gave so much of you has now broken up with you and moved on with someone else. It feels like the other woman is getting the benefits what you actually deserved in the first place.

Thinking about all the efforts you sacrificed for the relationship, in which you got little or no returns – keep us awake at night, and you keep punishing yourself for being too naive and foolish.

But did you ask yourself why did you allow yourself to give so much in the relationship and why did you receive so little in return? Ask yourself why you were content by getting only the crumbs of the whole bread? The truth is you were in an “on demand” relationship.

So, how did it get here? During the early days of the relationship, things were better and strong, the romance was alive, and it appeared like your man really cared and loved you. But as the relationship matures over time, love begins to fizzle, the spark isn’t there anymore, and it is at this point that most women gets scared and start to feel insecure. They start to believe that it is their sole duty to reignite the romance in the relationship and make it loving and exciting again.

Most women realize that their man isn’t their soulmate they always dreamed. But, the fear of loneliness and to start the whole thing to find love again makes them stressed out. So they give their relationship another chance and try to make it work. Many women wrongly assume that if they showed their partners how much they loved them, how good and caring they can be to them, they’ll naturally love them back. Their men will be kind, caring and love them back. But the harsh reality is that things don't always work out as we expect it to be.

So, what’s the best approach to show our partners how we feel? We start by catering to their needs. We do the laundry, cook, shop, clean the house, organize things, buy gifts, donate money, etc., and so forth. We do stuff that they like, and we do it without questioning it. We aren’t telling that these actions are useless, but it’s the intention behind these actions that needs to be noticed and appreciated. You have invested your energy, time and money to make a man love you back, while you’ve destroyed yourself from within. You do and do, and get little to nothing in return.

Both partners need to contribute equally in a committed and healthy relationship. If you’re in an “on demand” relationship, question yourself if you resent your relationship because you owe it something. If you feel it that, then it’s safe to conclude that feelings between you and your partner aren’t mutual anymore. It’s indication that the relationship doesn’t have what it takes to grow and thrive in the future. If you stop giving any more, and your partner steps in and starts giving, then maybe the relationship does have a chance. And if nothing happens, it’s time you abandon the relationship and walk away.


Is It A Bad Idea To Snoop on Your Partner?

One of the difficult circumstances a couple can face in a relationship is infidelity. Cheating can destroy a marriage. However, there are also examples when a couple is hopeful of staying in the relationship and taking steps so that it doesn’t happen again. They’re willing to forgive their spouses for their actions, forget everything and move forward in a more passionate and loving way.

Most people suggest that if you think that your partner is cheating on you or can cheat on you, then snooping on him or her would have stopped the person from committing infidelity. However, that’s not entirely true. When it comes to relationships snooping on your partner is ineffective. It’s because snooping on a person breaches his or her privacy and trust. We, humans, are territorial by nature. We want to have our own space. We value and respect the private life of ourselves and others. When someone invades our privacy and takes away what’s ours, we usually react to it strongly and become defensive.

This is why you should never snoop or spy on your partners. If you suspect that your partner is cheating on you, snoop on him or her to find out the details, and later present the “evidence” to your spouse, you won’t expect a positive outcome. Rather, your partner will tell you that you have breached their privacy and trust. They will go into defensive mode and simply deny their actions.

If you’re suspicious that your partner might be having an affair, then instead of confronting them in a defensive manner, have an open conversation about it. Here are few tips how you can get the most from it:

• Have the conversation in a safe and calm place that you both have previously agreed.
• Choose a time that you feel calmed and relaxed enough to have the discussion.
• Start by expressing your fears, insecurities, and concerns, and try to explain why you feel it.
• Be precise about the signs or behaviors of your partner that made you suspicious that he or she is having an affair.
• Step back for a moment, and attentively listen to what your partner has to say.
• Recollect what you’ve heard and understood from your spouse. It will help you to avoid misinterpretation and being confused.

It’s critical that each partner maintains their cool and tone of voice, so both partners get assured that there won’t be any serious fights or arguments over the matter.

However, if you still did some snooping around, and discovered evidence of infidelity of your partner, try to deal with your emotions first, before discussing the subject with your spouse. Ask for support and talk about your feelings with a close and trusted friend, or a therapist. It’s okay to be heartbroken, and it’s important that you acknowledge the pain you’re feeling and how can you deal with it. Eventually, the emotional pain will go away, and you need to cope with it. There are a lot of marriages and relationships that have survived infidelities. Patience, counseling, working hard on rebuilding trust will ultimately bring back the love in the relationship.


Stressed Out On Dating? Take A Break!

Do you cringe when your date asks about your family or friends? Do you take more than two days to reply to texts or dating emails? Have you lost interest in dating that cute guy you met at your friend’s dinner party? If yes, then it means that you’re burned out on dating and need to take a break. This idea might seem scary at first, particularly if you’ve planned to fall in love and be in a relationship with a specified date.

It doesn’t matter why you need to take a break. Maybe you think dating is wastage of time or you’re recovering from a break or need to spend more time with family and friends, or maybe you want to have some space, etc., it doesn’t matter. The key is to do it in a constructive manner. Here are five ways you can accomplish it:

1. Fix A Time Limit

If you want to take a break from dating, the best way to do it correctly is to set it a time limit. Doing it will help you to allow yourself to enjoy your break. For example, you can set a time limit, like I won’t date anyone until winter or the whole summer, you get the idea. In the meantime, you can take a vacation to places you always dreamed of visiting, and now this time limit gives you the option to do it.

2. Make Specific Goals

Make solid goals that fit your timeline you previously set, instead of telling yourself, “I won’t date unless I lose 10 pounds or get a new job”. Goals like these will never let you get out from your dating break. Instead, if you’ve gained some weight, lose it by joining a gym; or get a promotion at your current job, and so on.

3. Spend Time Taking Care Of Yourself

Taking a break will give you time to do the projects to tasks you always wanted to do, but couldn’t because of time. Maybe you want to get some good art pieces from your apartment, clearing out your closet, painting your bedroom, plant some flowers, or write a kids book and so forth. Keeping yourself occupied with these activities will feel like you’re taking care of yourself and nurturing the other parts of your life as well.

4. Spare Yourself More Time

Sometimes your life and timeline will be struggling to cooperate. There might be illnesses, financial issues, layoffs, family problems, and you need more time off from dating. It might be hard to relax; especially your biological clock is ticking away. In these circumstances, consider freezing your eggs, if you want to have kids in the future. Making your life less stressful will help you to enjoy your dates and break.

5. Get Back Into Dating

When you’ve decided to date again, enter the dating scene with rejuvenated energy and enthusiasm. Update your profile, your partner preferences, upload some nice profile pictures, get a new haircut, overhaul your wardrobe, get a makeover and so on. These changes will make feel good about yourself, and signal your future partners that you’re ready to date again.

Taking a break from dating can be helpful, but it should be done constructively. That way you don’t end dateless and lonely and look like someone who's been taking a break a dating for the past five years.


What Causes People to Cheat? Is It Character Flaw Or Something Else?

There are no exact reasons why people cheat on their partners. But most therapists site common issues like the need for attention, the need for excitement when a person is bored or feeling lonely or simply the impulsive personality of the cheater. Our society views infidelity as an entirely immoral behavior, which can’t be redeemed. For example, if you told a story about a person who cheated on his or her partner, without any second thought or listening to any other related details, the cheater will be labeled as a bad person and deserves banishment.

So, why is the cheater always wrong? Why is infidelity agreed to be an indication of a flawed character?

The reality is some cheaters will learn from their actions, regret it deeply, and vow not to repeat it again. Then some folks will continue engaging in this vile behavior with little or no regards to its consequences. In short, people who cheat aren’t all bad people, though it’s easy to say it. The reality is much more complex.

Life, sometimes, can be very hard, and people don’t always keep track of their responsibilities and commitments in an efficient manner. We advise that if someone finds that he or she has been cheated on, they should try to resist feeling overly shocked. Infidelity is a very unfortunate, which can throw a romantic relationship in jeopardy, or even end it. By accepting the fact that life can be unfair to us sometimes will help us to cope with any adverse events that come in our way.

Individuals who cheat have two things going in their minds

They want the security of having a person there, combined with the euphoria of a sexual or fully-fledged affair. Therapists had revealed that individuals who have been unfaithful were usually nervous from the beginning when they were asked if they be loyal to their partners in a long-term relationship. The truth is both men and women cheat, whether they’ve vowed to remain monogamous, exclusive relationship. So, cheating does expose the flaws in their characters. If you find it difficult to stay faithful, and concealing it from your partner, it only justifies the flawlessness in your behavior. The point is people don’t change overnight. Therefore, if someone cheats on you, it’s highly likely that they’ve cheated before and at least seriously considered doing it.

So, what to do if someone is thinking of cheating?

Let assume that a relationship has gone south, and the couple isn't physically and emotionally connected to each other anymore. They have stopped enjoying each other’s company and stopped socializing together. Add some resentment and anger, and it’s just matter of time that someone will cheat. If you’re in a situation like, the first things you’ve to do is to figure out your feelings. Next, turn to a close friend or a licensed relationship expert, who has prior experience in these matters. Finally, talk about your feelings to your partner and clearly state about your needs and intentions in the relationship, including your propensity to cheat.

Overall, these conversations can be awkward at the start, but it will prevent you from all the unnecessary drama and emotional pain that will follow in case your cheat or your relationship ends.


Can a Marriage Be Saved After An Infidelity?

How does someone feel if their partner cheated on them? They feel betrayed, mistrusted, lost, empty and very hurt. It’s common for marriages to end because of cheating, but that’s not the topic of discussion here. We are looking if both partners are willing; an extramarital affair is something that can be worked through. And if given a chance, the marriage won’t only be saved; it can thrive.

Here’s how to work on your marriage in case your partner cheated on you:

1. Believe that forgiveness is possible

It’s not all dark in the tunnel; there’s light at the end. There are examples of many couples who have successfully revived their marriages after a cheating scandal. Once you begin to understand why the infidelity happened, know each other’s feelings, it’s possible to forgive. Not only can a spouse forgive the other, but they can also redeem themselves. Being able to forgive is a virtue, which can help us move on.

2. Take Accountability For Your Part

An infidelity can be viewed as an opportunity for both partners to examine what lacked in their marriage that compelled a partner to cheat. Are both respectful to each other? Did they appreciate and emotionally and physically available to each other? A successful relationship depends on how each partner is committed and responsible for their roles in the relationship.

3. Be Kind, Open and Communicate

Kind, open and respectful communication is the key to a long-lasting relationship and crucial to restoring and maintaining intimacy. Most infidelities happen because both partners have stopped having emotional and meaningful communication with each other. In the case of an affair, share your feelings and listen carefully to your partner’s experiences. Bring back the spark in your relationship, by recalling the moments and feelings that brought both of your together as a couple. Begin by talking about the things you liked about each other and what you love and respect about him or her now.

4. Be sincere to reach out for your marriage

Cheating on one’s partner is perhaps one of the worst things to happen in person’s life. Naturally, the partner who was cheated on is resentful, angry and disappointed to their respective partners. It’s really challenging to step back, but it helps if you take the high road and think what can you do for him or her, or respond to any of their wishes. Being sincere and reaching out to save your marriage will alleviate any negative feelings you had about your partner.

5. Go on Dates

Whether, you have a one-hour leisurely stroll on the beach, or reserve a dinner at a nice restaurant, or enjoy a concert together out of town, make sure you plan to go on dates at least once a week. It will be helpful to connect with your partner and reignite the romance in your relationship. The point is to get you out of the house, instead of sulking about why did this happen to you.

The takeaway here is if you follow the above techniques to save your relationship, it will restore trust and return love in your marriage.


3 Bad Dating Deal Breakers And How To Overcome Them

Never let go a good lady because of bad breath, bad style, and bad kissing. At the beginning of the relationship, there’s so much anxiety and anticipation, that it’s annoying to have to deal with these problems. There will be spontaneous kissing, and if you’re a bad kisser or had bad breath, then you’ve to confront these problems. However, the thing is these issues are fixable, but dealing with these requires a little technique.

Here are a few tricks that will make a relationship with your new beau a lot more enjoyable!

1. How to get rid of bad and embarrassing style

When you’re in a relationship, you shouldn’t engage in behaviors that could be perceived as nagging or controlling by their partners. Everyone, particularly men dislike to feel claustrophobic in a relationship and absolutely hate it when their partners are over controlling. If you don’t like your man’s style sense, then tell him in a way that he feels like his style is bothering someone. You can also ask if he or you can talk with a fashion consultant or a stylist. Asking him in this manner makes him feel like he has a choice, instead of coming across a person who seems like a nag and wants complete compliance.

2. How to be a good kisser

If you happen to a bad kisser, then worry not, as it’s one of the easiest annoying problems to fix. First, try to understand if the way you kiss your dates makes them uncomfortable. If they do, then stop kissing in that style. Don’t focus too much on it. Instead, ask your partner in which way they love to kiss. Deep down, every one of us wants to please our partners sexually, so if a woman gives you some kissing tips, try to have an open conversation.

3. How to make your breath smell good

Bad breath, like body odor, is one of the obnoxious things in a person. Nothing repels people more that a bad breath and body odors. If you’re one of the guys with bad breath, kiss goodbye to every kissing your partner ever again, unless you do something to get rid of it. If your man has bad breath, then just asking him to have mint, or mouth fresheners won’t be much of help. What you need is to find a systematic way of dealing with the problem in a manner that it won’t come back again. If you noticed that your guy’s breath smells a little funky, instead of being confrontational, ask him to brush his teeth, before he kisses you. Use the same exact trick, if this happens again. So, the next time he kisses you, you’ll see that his breath is fresher than the strawberry field in the summer.

Conclusion

If you’re really committed to being in a loving and lasting relationship, leaving someone because of their bad style, bad breath and bad kissing, can be an adverse decision. It’s true that these three unwanted traits are deal-breakers for most men and women looking for a partner, but in this world, there will be some flaws with someone you decide to date. So, if you meet someone, who cares for you, loves you, and makes you laugh – then it’s all that matters.


How to Know When Your Relationship Needs Therapy

If your relationships end up badly, or you get involved in relationships with the person not right for you, perhaps, it’s time you seek some guidance. Your family and friends will tell you what you wanted to hear, but sooner or later, you should be ready to listen to what you really need to hear and do. So, how can you know that moment has arrived? Here are some tips:

1. Most of your relationships eventually end up terribly

You’re unable to find someone right to sustain a relationship, or you typically get into destructive relationships, or even if you’re in one, you’re simply too scared to end it. In these scenarios, maybe a licensed therapist can help you. According to most therapists and relationship experts, who have experience in these type of case agree that it’s the low self-esteem and anxiety of the person that takes them to these hopeless relationships. Others reasons are an estranged ex, sexual performance stress; financial problems are also to blame. So, if you could identify these problems and get rid of them, you can change your situation.

2. You can’t meet prospective dates

A relationship expert can assist you on how to improve your communication skills, meeting potential dates, and set dates with them, and continue dating the same type of people. A dating expert can also offer you tips to revise your online dating profile to make you attractive to other people. A therapist will also help you overcome social anxiety, which is one of the main reasons people avoid to go social events or try online dating.

3. Your dependence on your family is unhealthy

Societal expectations regarding marriage and relationships aren’t the same now as they were during your parents’ time. Your parents might suggest someone as your partner, who may be not right for you because he or she meets their “requirements” for a good partner like a right job or religion. Your parents having too much influence in your love or dating isn’t a healthy sign for the most part. Taking help from a dating expert or therapist will be much better as they don’t have any emotional connection with you.

4. Your friends' relationships experiences are influencing you

Asking your friends for giving advice for relationships can be skewed as they tell it from their own experiences. For example, if one of your buddies said that long-distance relationship didn’t work for them, so he or she will most likely convince you that it won’t work for you either. If someone believes that their friends are explaining exactly how they feel, they’ll be more unwilling to seek someone else’s advice, even if it’s better or more logical. They may also convince them there aren’t any other ideas left. Ultimately, you get stuck with the same advice, and your situation hasn’t improved as well. Don’t pay too much value on your friends’ advice as they will try project their baggage on you.

Overall, if you’re having a hard time being a long-term relationship or can’t a right person to be in a relationship, and if the above situation relates to you, it’s time you need relationship therapy.


Don’t Sabotage Your Chance For Love With This Disparaging Habit

When it comes to protecting ourselves from dating the wrong person, we mostly focus on a person’s flaws. But, did you even think that our thoughts of ourselves can be more powerful that we can realize to determine the quality of the person we are with. We are talking about not thinking highly about out self-worth. For example, we often hear rants from even the most confident daters like, “I am not right or successful enough, or “I am not attractive or pretty enough for him,” and that sort of things.

Remember, a simple truth, what we feel about ourselves determines what kind of people we attract in our lives. It doesn’t matter how much we pretend to have a glimmering self-esteem, if we can’t project it skillfully, it’s a total waste.

So, what can you do to get good with yourself?

Narrate Your Own Heroism

Humans are strivers. Our lives aren't static. We’re always striving to overcome obstacles or something to improve ourselves. Search for a story that will give meaning to your own struggles and life journeys. Feeling upset that your relationship didn’t last? Thank yourself and tell yourself that the breakup happened because that relationship wasn’t meant for you and now you a second chance to find someone new that will meet your needs.

Not happy about your finances, career, health, relationships with friends and family? Don’t sulk about it, and instead, work on it to make it better. Try saving and stop reckless spending to boost your finances. Get that promotion that you want badly to advance your career or find a new job. Join a gym or run a 5K marathon to lose some weight, get active by playing sports to improve your health and fitness level. Spend more of your free time with your family or hang out during the weekends with close friends to make those bonds even stronger. These small shifts will shape how we feel about ourselves and communicate to others in a way that we feel at ease and be the captain of our lives. All these will help you to form a positive personal story that is good for our mental health and boosting our self-esteem and confidence level as well.

Trust Yourself That The Things You’re Doing Is Right

We all have seen some people who are always complaining about the lack of love and passion in their relationships, yet they still don’t do anything on their own. Instead, they keep on bashing the other person for doing nothing about it.

Praise everything you do. You spent the time and effort to write the profile. You respond to the texts, emails, and scheduling dates. You showed up for dates and went through boring conversations. You spent money, wore the best dress or suit and put on expensive perfumes. You risked being rejected by asking for a second date or tried for a kiss. You thought your first date was great but got a text from the other person that he or she liked you, but they felt any chemistry. You don’t get sad, you get over it and move on and do it all over again.

Treasure yourself, be nice to yourself, take nicely to yourself and most importantly be okay with yourself. If you do that, you’ll find someone who will be kind to you and treasure you.


9 Signs That He’s Definitely NOT Interested In You

How do you know that the guy you love is into you? Love is an amazing and beautiful feeling, but it can also be distracting. Sometimes our hearts are so much fixed to make it happen with someone, we almost get blindsided to visible signs that our love interest isn’t quite feeling the same way. You probably have seen your friends and family members go through strained relationships with someone where it's crystal clear that the person that they loved so much wasn't really in love with them. You’ve noticed their partners not looking at them, ignoring them, getting distracted or flirting with someone else in front of them, busy calling or texting someone else, and so forth.

You get bewildered with an untold sense of sadness and keep wondering how come this bright, intelligent person became so obvious of the fact that their current partner isn’t interested in them and not loving them back in return. The simple reason; they’re in love!

How can you tell them that they will have their hearts broken further down the path and they will be drowned in despair when that happens? How can you tell that the love they’re now feeling will be over soon and they will have to walk a very long and lonely way to nowhere? It’s not true that they don’t see the flaws in their partners while dating; it’s just that they assumed that they could change them and transform those flaws into qualities. But the fact is people don’t change.

Anyways, here are nine obvious red flags that show that your partner is just not into you and doesn’t love you.

1. They don’t post photos of you on their Facebook pages or on social media pages. But, they never forget to share pictures of their friends.

2. When they’re with you, they check or flirt with the opposite sex as they walk by or sit in the park. When you’re together, they spend most of the time texting, talking or chatting with other people. They totally forget you’re with him or her.

3. They only love and care for you, only when they expect something specific from you. They would stay with you as long as you have money to spend on them. When you get assertive, they threaten to leave you and out they go.

4. They don’t really care about their appearances while they’re with you, but up their jam and glam when they hang out without you.

5. They don’t do anything for you, but they expect to do a lot for them

6. They always treat as something like a last resort. That is if they can’t find any of their friends to go out with them, then they hang with you. Moreover, they act like they’re doing you a favor of going out with you as no one else would want to. They don’t treat you as close friend because you never were to them anytime and they don’t plan on staying with you.

7. They never compliment or appreciate you, but always criticize or bash you, even for the most insignificant things.

8. They never call you cute and endearing names like honey, babe, bae, sweetheart etc.

9. They don’t like to have a conversation about a future with you like relationship goals, marriage, etc. as there won’t be one.

The takeaway here if your date has few or most of these signs and doesn’t make an effort to change, then its time you end the relationship and move on before it’s too late.