Let’s face it: life is better when you have someone to share it with. If you haven’t been in a relationship for a while, just got out of one, or are new to dating, then you might be wondering how to get a girlfriend. But, if you follow these simple steps, you will be on the right path to getting (and keeping) a girlfriend.
Step 1: Are You Really Ready for a Girlfriend?
If you haven’t had success getting a girlfriend, the reason could be that you are not ready for one. Now, if you are just looking for a casual hookup or some passion, that’s fine. But having a girlfriend is a commitment, and commitment requires some stability and effort. Women can sense when a man is not ready for commitment from miles away. So, before you jump into the dating game, ask yourself these questions to see if you are ready for a girlfriend:
- Is your life stable?
- Are you over your ex?
- Do you have plans/goals for the future?
Get these things in order and you’ll be ready to start looking for a girlfriend.
Step 2: Decide What Type of Girlfriend You Want
Now, it isn’t a good idea to write out a list of criteria that you want in a girlfriend. If you stick to this list for your dream girl, then you will probably never find her. Worse, you will probably overlook some amazing women in the process. However, it is good to have an idea of what type of girlfriend you are looking for, such as traits that you find attractive and things you won’t tolerate under any circumstances. For example, are you open to dating a woman who has a child? Would you date a vegetarian? Is it absolutely critical that your girlfriend shares your love or Star Wars figurines? Okay, that last one is probably really going to limit your prospects, but you get the idea.
Knowing what type of girlfriend you want also helps you figure out what the best place is to look for her. It will also help you prepare ideas for conversation starters and working on your image.
Step 3: Get Your Image in Order
Contrary to common belief, women are NOT attracted to men who are well dressed. Women are attracted to confidence. But our outward appearance reflects our inner selves. So, if you look like crap on the outside, it is probably a reflection of how you feel about yourself. And, yes, women will pick up on this!
There are four core aspects of your image which need to be addressed before you start looking for a girlfriend:
- Health: Still living off of takeout and frozen dinners? If it hasn’t already, that junk food will catch up to you quickly. You’ll gain weight, get pimples, smell bad, and have greasy hair. In the long run, an unhealthy diet can lead to problems like erectile dysfunction, which is definitely not going to help you with the ladies! Buy a few healthy recipe cookbooks and try a new recipe each week. Women find it incredibly sexy when men know how to cook, so this is a win-win for your health and love life.
- Wardrobe: The most important thing to remember with wardrobe is to wear clothes that fit you. No matter how stylish the clothes are, they will make you look disheveled if they don’t fit right. A surprising number of men make this mistake, especially overweight men who try to hide their bulk by wearing clothes which are too loose.
- Hygiene: Good hygiene means more than just a daily shower. It means keeping your nails groomed and clean, trimming your pubic hair (she will thank you for this!), and learning how to properly use products like exfoliants.
- Hair: Hair style used to be something that only women needed to worry about. Now, it is becoming more important for men. If you are still wearing the same cut you had 10 years ago, it is probably time to go to a salon (a real salon, not the $10 quick-cuts place in the mall) and have it updated. Male hair care also applies to facial hair (a bit of stubble is sexy but it shouldn’t look like an overgrown forest) and eyebrows (if you look like you’ve got a squirrel sitting on your forehead, you’ll need to pluck!).
Step 4: Where to Look for a Girlfriend?
One of the biggest mistakes that men make when looking for a girlfriend is limiting themselves to bars and clubs. Yes, bars are a good place to meet girls, but not necessarily to meet a girlfriend.
There are a few reasons why bars are terrible places to find a girlfriend. First off, women know that you are on the prowl, so their defenses are up. Even if your intentions are good, you still have to contend with all the other men looking for a one-night stand. If you are suave, you might succeed in getting women’s numbers at bars. But, since it is hard to gauge a women’s personality in the anonymous atmosphere of a bar, you’ll probably end up wasting your time on dates with women who aren’t compatible with you.
Instead of looking for a girlfriend in a bar, try places where you can get a sense of their personalities and interests. Here are some ideas:
- Take a class, like that pottery class your local community center offers
- Volunteer for a good cause
- Join a club, like a hiking club or foreign language club
- Go to book readings or art openings
The benefit of meeting women at these social gatherings is that you will already share some of the same interests and have something to talk about, so breaking the ice is easy.
Step 5: Exude Confidence
There is nothing more attractive to women than confidence. If you are really ready for a girlfriend (emotionally stable, thinking of the future…), then you should have every reason to be confident. Before approaching a woman you are attracted to, give yourself a little pep talk. Think about all the things you have to be confident about. You paid off your student loans. You have a job. You go to the gym. You know three languages…
Confidence is not the same as being boastful or cocky. So, don’t feel like you’ve got to proclaim all of the reasons you have to be confident. The best way to project confidence is to be positive. Never belittle yourself. Compare these two examples:
“I work as a programmer. You don’t want to hear about it; it’s boring.”
“I work as a programmer. It is great because the work is so challenging and the field is always changing.”
Who do you think the woman would want to go out with?
While you are at it, never say bad things about the place, menu, drink selection, etc. Only people who lack confidence feel the need to constantly belittle everything around them. Plus, nobody likes a person who is always negative. If the menu, for example, really is terrible, then make a joke out of it instead of trashing it.
Step 6: The Art of Flirting
Flirting is nothing more than honestly and openly showing your interest in someone. This can be as simple as making eye contact with a woman to let her know you are interested. Flirting becomes an art form when you do things to show the woman that you are interested in only her. This type of flirting will make a woman feel like she is the only person in the room, like she is a goddess in your eyes. She will love this feeling that she gets from you and will seek you out to get the feeling again.
So, how do you make a woman feel like she is the only woman in the room, like a goddess? You treat her that way!
- Only look at her. Ignore all of the other women in the room.
- Be original with your compliments. Instead of saying something obvious like, “You have pretty eyes”, say something like “I love the way your blouse accentuates your beautiful shoulders”. Yes, complimenting her shoulders really works!
- Remember everything she says and then casually bring it up again later.
- Try getting to know her instead of trying to get her number.
Think of flirting like this: The goal should be to make the woman feel good. If you flirt to get something (like her number), then you won’t get anywhere. But if you make her feel good about herself, you will get a number and then some.
Step 7: Ask Her On a Date
Once you find a girl that you like, this is no time to be wishy-washy! Women like a man who is confident and takes charge. If you already know her from a social situation, like taking a class together, then approach her directly and ask her if she’d like to go on a date with you. Be clear that it is a date, and not just some friendship outing. It helps if you tell her exactly what the date is: “Would you like to go out with me on Saturday? We can see the new Johnny Depp film and then check out that Thai place afterwards.” Women will be more likely to say yes when they have a clear idea of what to expect instead of a fumbling, “Uh, you wanna do something together on Saturday?”
If you don’t already know the woman from previous encounters (such as if you just met her in a bar), then it is best to just ask for her phone number for starters. For a first date, you should choose something more casual so you can get to know each other better before deciding whether you want to go on a more serious date. Call her and ask her if she’d like to get coffee or go for a walk. If you ask her out on for a drink, choose a weekday night like Thursday or Sunday. It will be quieter and she won’t be expecting high-energy fun of the weekend.
Step 8: Know the Dating Rules
The most important rule of dating is to be yourself. If you try to act suave when you are more of a boy-next-door type, you will end up seeming sleazy. If you try to act funny when you are more of a serious type, you will probably end up saying something offensive. You get the idea: just be yourself.
But being yourself doesn’t mean you should act the way you would if you were alone! There are some basic rules of etiquette which you need to be very careful about heeding:
- Never Talk About Your Ex: It shows that you aren’t ready for a relationship and have baggage to deal with
- Listen: This is the best way to show you are interested in the woman and respect her. Make sure that you ASK QUESTIONS and she will be flattered.
- Don’t Get Drunk: Sloppiness is never attractive!
- Give Her Your Undivided Attention: That means turning off your phone while on the date!
- Don’t Insist On Paying: Instead, offer to pick up the bill in a nonchalant way such as, “I asked you out, so I will get it this time.”
- Always follow up after the date with a phone call: Don’t follow up with text messages or emails.
Step 9: Cut the Game Playing Already
Games are fun in the bedroom, but they are childish and immature when you play them in your relationships. What types of games are we talking about? How about anything you do to:
- Make her feel jealous
- Play hard to get
- Make her wait (like waiting to return calls or purposely being late)
- Act macho
- Put her down (like saying she’d look better with a different hair color)
- Pretend you care more than you really do
Step 10: Your Girlfriend Shouldn’t Be Your Entire Life
When you start dating a woman, it is important that you still make time for your hobbies, interests, and friends. If you give up your life to focus on the girl, you run the risk of overwhelming her. You will also seem desperate, and the combination of overwhelming and desperate is sure to send any woman running.
Your girlfriend should be part of your life, not your entire life. By working on building a life that a woman would like to be part of, you increase your chances of keeping your girlfriend and having a healthy relationship.