Why is it that every time I finally find a restaurant or bar that I enjoy going to, some sexy waitress comes along and I feel completely obligated to get in her pants just because I’ve been staring at them for two hours straight. One second I’m order a cheeseburger, and the next thing I know I’m smoking weed with this naked Applebee's waitress in my bed figuring out what kind of discounts I’m going to get. I know, I know, you’re not supposed to shit where you eat, but then again sometimes I eat where you shit and I’m not supposed to do that either (think about it for a second).
Getting a waitresses’ number can be quite an easy task because the girl is literally forced into talking to you. There’s no need to worry about coming up with some elaborate opener or pushing the issue when you’re afraid she’s about to walk away. Take your time, you have until the meal is done, and if you can’t get digits by the time you’re done with your main course, there’s always dessert. And when you get really good, you’ll be tasting her for desert. Yeah buddy.
I suggest starting off slow because waitresses have a tendency to get hit on my every horn-ball that sits at their table, so simply ask her how her day is going and say thank you when she gives you her menu. If you plan on ordering some type of alcoholic beverage, ask her what her favorite drink is, perhaps saying something like, “What’s your favorite drink here? And please don’t say something really girly!” You can use the same flirty comment when your order food as well, “What should I get to eat? And please don’t say a salad!” Choose one of the other, there’s no need for both. Don’t get crazy playa.
I like to keep if very polite even when I’m making a joke because the majority of people in this world are straight assholes. They think waiters and waitresses are there to serve them and aren’t people like everyone else, so being polite will immediately be noticed.
Now after your first flirty joke wait until she comes back and try and continue with some standard conversation, asking questions like “So how long have you been working here?”,“Have you been busy today?”, “Are these mozzarella sticks always this good or am I just really high right now?”
When it gets close to the end of your meal is a good time to take that flirting to the next level. What I’ll do is ask them what they are doing after they get out of work very casually, “So do you have any plans after work or are you just going to go home and pass out?” She’ll have some answer and to be polite she respond and say, “What are you doing tonight?” and that’s when you respond in a sarcastic tone and say, “Katie we just met and you already want to hangout with me. I’m not used to moving this fast.” Make sure to call her by her name. By addressing her by her name you’re showing the confidence that you can talk to someone you just met and make it feel natural.
A comment like this takes it from a ‘this guy is just being polite’ to ‘maybe this guy likes me,’ and based on her answer you can get a feel how she feels about you. Worst case scenario she says, “You just asked me!” in a snotty tone and you can say, “I was just kidding,” which is always my bailout.
Since I don’t like imposing on girls when they are work and blatantly asking them for their number, I’ll wait until she’s alone either waiting by the bar for a drink order, or on her way to another table. I’ll time in perfectly like I’m in a mission impossible movie and I’ll get up, walk towards her casually and say “Hey you,” to make sure I have her attention and then I’ll whisper, “I won’t be mad if you leave your number on the check.” I’ll make eye contact and smirk while I keep walking and head to the bathroom or outside to smoke a cigarette.
That how you hook up with the hot waitress boys.
If she wants you to have her number she’ll write it down, and if she doesn’t she’ll pretend like it never happened. It’s the perfect scheme. The only bad thing that can happen is when shit ends poorly because 1). You didn’t answer her texts 2). You only call her after 12pm and 3). You don’t ever bring her around your friends. Then you're stuck watching the football games at your house because you want to avoid seeing her at Miller Ale House, Applebee's, TGIF’s, and McCann’s. Damn, I’m running out of fucking places, but I guess that’s a good problem to have.