First off, I want to clarify that this guide is about how to meet women. By meeting women, I mean learning how to approach women in a way which allows you to build up a rapport with them and engage in meaningful exchanges of communication. If that sounds like rubbish to you and your sole goal is to hookup with a girl, that is fine – but then read our guide on how to pick up girls instead.
Why would you want to meet women if it isn’t going to (immediately) lead to sex or relationships? Well, for starters, not every woman you meet is going to be compatible with you. But, by meeting as many women as possible, you are increasing your odds of finding someone who is. Plus, meeting women (even if it doesn’t go anywhere) helps you improve your social skills, build confidence, and gain insight into the female mind. Oh, and all of those new female friends you get will certainly have single lady friends they can introduce you to…
The Secret to Meeting Women…
Meeting women might seem like it requires some complex strategies and carefully-chosen pickup lines. In truth, it is all just a matter of
- Getting the timing is right
- Making sure you aren’t coming across as “creepy”
- Being socially relevant
- Exiting at the right moment
Let’s break this down a bit.
Importance of Timing for Meeting Women
Before you approach a woman (no matter how foxy she looks), you’ve got to make sure that the timing is right. Even if she is totally interested, if the timing is off, you will just be wasting your time.
Example of Bad Timing:
You spot your dream girl in the parking lot of the supermarket — but if she is talking on her phone while juggling 10 grocery bags and fumbling for her keys.
This is NOT the right time to approach her! She probably doesn’t have time to look at you, nevertheless decide whether you are worth giving her phone number to.
Example of Good Timing:
You again spot your dream girl walking through a parking lot on a bright, sunny day. She is still juggling 10 bags of groceries, but she isn’t on her phone and doesn’t seem to be in a hurry.
This is the perfect chance to meet her! You, being a polite gentleman, first make eye contact with her. Then you calmly approach, introduce yourself, and ask if you can help carry her bags to her car. You make small chat, you thank her for the privilege of helping her, and then ask her for her phone number.
You will note that in this second example I noted that it was a bright, sunny day. Why is this important? Because approaching a woman in a parking lot during the day is going to evoke a completely different response than approaching her at night.
Which brings us to…
Beware: You Could End Up Seeming Creepy!
This is probably the most important thing you need to be aware of when trying to approach and meet women. Keep in mind that women have every right to be cautious and defensive around men. According to recent stats, 1 in 5 women will be raped in her lifetime, and approximately 5.2 million women are victims of stalking each year. Oh, and watching all those reruns of SVU and Criminal Minds isn’t going to quell women’s fears any!
So, how do you avoid seeming “creepy” when you approach a woman?
Most of this should be common sense. For example, it would be perfectly acceptable to approach a woman sitting in a park during a sunny day. But, chasing after a woman who is walking home through the same park at night would be downright scary for her. Don’t do it!
Other situations aren’t as clear-cut. What do you do, for example, if you’ve got a crush on the barista at your favorite coffee place? Showing up with a bouquet of roses might freak her out (especially if you haven’t picked up on any signals from her like suggestive looks and intense eye contact). On the other hand, some women might be wooed by such a dramatic gesture and go on a date with you.
When it doubt, always opt for the subtler route. For example, do something memorable and quirky (quirky usually isn’t creepy) like folding a five-dollar bill into an origami flower and giving it to her as a tip – and then ask for her phone number of course.
Don’t Forget to Introduce yourself!
This should be obvious, but you’d be surprised how many men fail to do this. Introducing yourself will immediately alleviate the creepy factor of “why is this strange random guy talking to me?” Plus, it is just straight-up good manners.
Be SOCIALLY RELEVANT
If you want to meet women, you’ve got to go to places where there are women (see our article about where to meet women). This can be something inherently social like a party, club, or volunteer group, or it can be something which is conducive to social interactions, such as a bookstore or coffee shop. Yes, you can even meet women in the street! But, once again, the way you approach the women will vary depending on the time and place.
“Social relevance”, as it relates to approaching women, means tailoring your approach to the unique time and place of your interaction. So long as you get the social relevance right, it really doesn’t matter what you say. You are still likely to meet the woman and maybe get her phone number and a first date. But, if you screw up the social relevance, you will probably end up seeming creepy or (just as bad) boring.
Examples 1: The Sexy Compliment
You approach a woman you see in a bar and say, “I just had to tell you that your legs make those shoes look amazing!” She might be flattered, the ice will be broken, and you can start bantering.
You approach a woman you see in a bookstore and deliver the exact same line. She will probably think you are creepy for commenting on her body and run away faster than you can recover!
Example 2: The Shared Interest Approach
You spot a woman in a bookstore. You go over, introduce yourself, and say something like, “I see you like mysteries too. Can you recommend me a good one?” She doesn’t feel threatened, you’ve established that you have common interests, and you’ve opened the door for further conversation. If you connect, then you can get her phone number stealthily by saying something like “Can I get your phone number to call you and tell you how I liked the book?”
You spot a hot woman in a bar, approach her, introduce yourself, and ask, “So, what type of books do you like to read?” This might work in some cases, but she will probably think you are boring for talking about books in a bar. Good luck getting her phone number!
What We Learn from these Examples:
Sexy compliments and flirty conversation are okay in a club, but would creep a woman out in places like a bookstore, elevator or airport terminal. By contrast, ice breakers which are too serious will make you seem boring in places like a bar or club.
When in doubt, use something in your surroundings for an ice breaker (if it’s in your surroundings, it is most likely going to be socially relevant!). For example, instead of dorkily asking a woman in a bar what types of books she likes to read, note what she is drinking and ask something like “So, are you a merlot or a pinot noir type of woman?”
Social relevance isn’t just about what you say. It also has to do with your body language. It is, for example, perfectly okay to lean in closely when talking to a woman at a bar or club, and sometimes you have to do this just to hear her over the noise. But get that close to a woman you’ve just met in a bookstore or coffee shop and she will (often quite literally) run or push you away.
Still confused about what to say when you approach a woman? Read our post about how to talk to girls.
A Note about Meeting Women While They Are At Work:
Ideally, you should aim to meet women in places where they are already feeling social (see our post about where to meet women), such as while volunteering for a charity or at a party with friends. But, oftentimes, we fall for girls who are at work (I’m not talking about co-workers, but rather about that sexy barista or waitress).
Avoid trying to meet women while they are at work. For starters, because of all the rules about “customer service”, she will probably feel trapped and annoyed by your bantering. In the case of waitresses, she will also probably feel obligated to chat you up just for the expected tip, so you can’t tell if her interest is real or not.
If you do fall for a girl who you meet while she is at work, then skip the normal banter and get her number asap (she’s got to get back to work!). To do this, make eye contact and see how she responds. If she holds your gaze, go over and introduce yourself. If not, then respect her workplace and give up (for now at least; you can do the eye-contact test again later). After a quick introduction, something along the lines of, “I know that I don’t know you, but I’d like to change that. Can I take you out for a coffee sometime when you are free?”
Always Leave on a High Note
Here is another really important piece of advice – and a place where a lot of guys go wrong. They approach a girl, succeed in starting up a conversation, and then blow it by sticking around too long.
On your first interaction with a woman, you probably won’t be able to get into too deep of a conversation with her, or make that much of a connection. This is especially true if you are approaching women in places which normally aren’t considered social, such as bookstores or on the street. But, it happens even in social settings like bars because you’ve got so many distractions around you.
After exchanging a few introductory lines, you will probably run out of things to say. Then ensues the awkward silences and you end up seeming like a blundering idiot. Get her number and get out before this happens! You can then set up your first date in a way which ensures you have plenty to do so you won’t run out of things to say.
*There are exceptions to this, like if you two are volunteering together or have some sort of other activity to do. Since the activity is occupying your attention, you won’t be focused entirely on each other and thus risk running out of things to say.
The “Time Constraint” Trick for Meeting Women
Here is a nifty little trick to use when approaching a woman for the first time: make it clear that you’ve got a time constraint. For example, you approach a girl at a bar and say, “I’ve got to get back to my friends, but just had to tell you how great you look. I really love how you have your own style.”
The time constraint trick works on two levels:
- It lets the girl know she only has to put up with you for a short while. She will be less worried about being stuck chatting with a complete bore and thus more likely to be open and friendly with you.
- It helps you bow out gracefully. You already established that you’ve got limited time, so you can grab her number the moment it seems like that awkward silence is approaching. It also lets the girl know that you aren’t leaving because you aren’t interested.
So, there it is, how to meet women. In recap, it all comes down to these things:
- Make sure the timing is right
- Not doing anything which could be construed as creepy
- Being socially relevant
- Bowing out while you are ahead
Now, get out there and put the information to use! Or download our free guide to flirting to learn some cool tips and tricks for chatting up women.