Considering that interracial dating was still illegal in many states not that long ago, it is surprisingly popular now. According to a study by InterracialMatch.com, nearly 83% of women fantasize about being in an interracial relationship and over 60% of them have exotic fantasies about being with a man of the opposite race. It isn’t just a sex thing either. Interracial marriage is at an all-time high. According to stats from a PEW poll, 8.4% of total marriages are between couples of different races, and 15% of new marriages are interracial.
In light of these stats, and the fact that online dating is now part of our society, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that there are many interracial dating sites which specifically match people of different races. If you are considering whether to get on an interracial dating website, here is some useful advice to help you have success.
General Dating Website or Interracial Dating Site?
Online dating is often described as a numbers game. The more members there are of your preferred sex, the better your chances of meeting your dream match. Because of this, you might decide to choose one of the ultra-popular online dating sites like OK Cupid or Match.com. They have millions of members whereas interracial dating sites usually only have a fraction as many.
However, you’ve also got to keep in mind that not everyone at these general websites is open to interracial dating. A recent study on data from a dating app found that women generally aren’t open to dating outside their race – unless it is with a white man. This is good news if you are a white guy, but bad new if you are Asian, Latin, or black. If you are a black woman, you are really going to have a tough time on online dating as this group had the lowest response rate from all men. A study from OK Cupid found similar results.
So, if you are a white guy, Asian woman, or Latina woman, go ahead and sign up for a general dating website. You won’t have any trouble finding interracial partners.
GQ has a great guide to picking an online dating site, which they sum up in this image:
If you aren’t a white guy or Asian or Latina woman and want to date outside your race, then you will probably have better luck signing up for an online dating website specifically tailored to interracial dating.
Some of the most popular interracial dating sites are:
It Doesn’t Have to Be a Dating Website
Online dating used to have a stigma attached to it, but the taboo is so far gone that online dating is now part of our general culture. As of 2013, nearly 25% of Americans in the 25-34 age group have tried online dating. Still, if online dating websites aren’t your thing, it doesn’t mean you have to give up on the internet as a way of meeting people of the opposite race.
Should You Mention Race?
On most online dating sites, they ask you to list your preferred race. They don’t ask you to list why you prefer that race though.
If you are on a general dating site, you might not need to bring up the race question – at least right away. Once you two have had a couple in-person dates, then you can ask questions like what their parents would think of them dating a person from another race.
If you are on a site specifically for interracial dating, then you might want to get the race question out there as soon as possible. Ask “why do you prefer dating ___ women/men?” It can be a good conversation starter. It is also a good way to weed out people who are seeking stereotypes or just trying to revenge their exes.
Choose Your First Date Spot Carefully
When meeting someone through online dating for the first time, you’ve got to choose the date spot really carefully. It needs to be someplace fun and conducive to conversation, but also relaxed and non-threatening. You know, in case you end up being a serial killer or something.
As if this weren’t difficult enough, you’ve got to keep the race factor in mind. After hanging out at interracial dating websites for a while, it is easy to forget that racism still exists. But, (as we talked about in our post about the truth about interracial dating), if take your interracial date to a country music concert, and you might get a lot of stares. This could easily ruin your date, so try to avoid anyplace which would cause you two to stand out from the crowd.
Watch Out for People Seeking Stereotypes
As Halima Anderson points out at Date a White Guy, one of the drawbacks of interracial dating sites is that people are often seeking stereotypes (even if they don’t realize it).
If you are a black man, women might expect you to be a macho thug type.
If you are a Latin man, women will want you to be overly-passionate and a good dancer.
If you are a black woman, men will expect you to be naïve or a “strong mother” type.
If you are an Asian woman, men will expect you to be obedient and subservant…
And guess what happens when you don’t fit their stereotype? They don’t know what to do and go running!
Because of this, it is REALLY important that you get a phone number on interracial dating sites ASAP. This will save you from wasting your time on members who are only looking for stereotypes.
Watch Out for People Seeking “Someone Different from My Ex”
While you are at it, be on the lookout for people who just broke up with their ex and “want someone different.”
This isn’t necessarily a bad thing because, in some cases, opposites attract. The person might be making the right move by trying to date someone different than the ex, even if it means intentionally stepping outside of racial boundaries to do so. Obviously the relationship with the ex didn’t work, so the person might be smart by moving on to new types of people.
But it could also be a sign that the person isn’t over their ex yet and is just using interracial dating as a rebound. This is one reason why you might want to come out and ask why the person is specifically on an interracial dating website.
Don’t Talk About Your Ex (Or Ex’s Race)
The most important rule of dating is NEVER TALK ABOUT YOUR EX. No one wants to feel like they are being compared to an ex while on a date. Talking about your ex is also a big red flag that you aren’t over your ex yet.
With interracial dating, people tend to forget this rule. It is like they feel the need to list their “experience” like it’s a resume. No one cares that you’ve dated 5 black women, 4 Asians, and 2 Latinas! It will just make you sound like you are collecting dates of other races like trading cards. Or, it will make you sound like a slut. Don’t do it.
Remember that Interracial Dating Can Be Tough
Whether you like it or not, the reality of interracial dating isn’t always pleasant. Be prepared for stares, stupid comments, and to have your relationship pigeonholed into a derogatory stereotype like “jungle fever.” The good news is that, if you can handle these difficulties, you will be better prepared to handle the many other difficulties that come with any relationship.
Don’t Forget the General Online Dating Advice
Once you get on there, you will realize that online dating isn’t that much different from offline dating. However, you do need to follow some general advice. Mashable has some really good online dating tips, and AskMen has good advice on online dating profiles and pictures.
Here is an overview of what you need to keep in mind when getting started at interracial dating sites:
- Your main profile picture should be of just you. It should show your face clearly (no sunglasses!) and ideally your body too.
- Have someone else take the profile pic for you. If you absolutely must take a selfie, follow these selfie tips. Pay particular attention to the tip about not taking selfies in the bathroom!
- Don’t overdo the photos. You will be judged based on your worst photo, not the best.
- Always have one “interesting” photo in your profile, like you jet skiing or on top of a mountain.
- Men: a picture of your penis is NOT a profile picture! While we are at it, leave your shirt on too.
- Write an intro that makes people want to learn more. There are some good examples here.
- Avoid cliché terms like “optimistic” and “outgoing.” Instead, be specific! Use examples and action words (“Once hitchhiked through Europe” or “Start my day by going for a run than ruining it by eating a fatty donut”)
- Get the length right. Too little information and people will be wary about contacting you. Too much information and you risk turning people off.
- Don’t wait for other people to contact you.
- Don’t judge people based on the details of their profile. Look at the overall tone of the profile instead.
- Don’t use form letters. Personalize each contact.
- Always end each contact with a question which is relevant to the person.