Unless you love yourself, you aren’t ready for a loving relationship with another person. As Valentine’s Day nears, this is the advice most single people often keeps hearing. So, is it true? If you think that you aren’t unlovable, how could you possibly convince someone else to fall in love with you? Experts suggest to tackle this also seems good: Raise your confidence and self-esteem. Tell yourself that you’re a beautiful person, you love your body, you’re lovable and so forth.
But there’s an issue. They don’t always work. It’s been found that people who have low self-esteem felt worse about themselves after repeating these types of positive affirmations, which they don’t believe in the first place. We can’t argue with it. If you actually don’t love your body or think you’re beautiful, then telling yourself that you do, is just plain lying. But the good thing is that you don’t always need high self-esteem or think high of yourself to be in a relationship. All you need to do is be kind to yourself, and this is how you can do it:
#1 Talk To Yourself The Same Way A Good Friend Would Talk To You
When was the last time your best friend was at the lowest point in his or her life? Recall the moments your friend lost his or her confidence, lost her job or her house, or had a breakup. Did you blame your friend that it was their own fault that lead to it? Did you her that her partner broke up with her or got rejected because she was always nagging, too needy or was stupid and fat?
Of course, you didn’t say all these terrible things. Most men and women tell all these hurtful words to ourselves. Instead of bashing yourself up, why don’t you pump yourself with self-esteem and confidence? Psychologist Kristin Neff of University of Texas at Austin suggested that people to say something that’s honest, sincere and kind to themselves. For instance, you can tell yourself that, “I am at a low point in my life. But It’s nothing that I have worry about all the time. It will pass.” We all feel bad about ourselves at some point in our lives. We aren’t perfect but don’t should stop you from being in a loving relationship.
#2 Be Content With The Ordinary
When we have low self-esteem and tell positive affirmations to ourselves in front of the mirror, we usually try to persuade ourselves that we’re exceptional, beautiful, happy, confident, special, and completely discard the people who disagree. After all, you’ve to become someone “unique” and “extraordinary,” if you want to fall in love and it sounds like a practical first step. However, there is a problem with this approach. You just can’t keep exaggerating yourself regularly. Otherwise, you lose your identity of who you really are. Instead, of telling yourself, I am the best! I am full of confidence! I am the most beautiful! – Opt for self-compassion. Embrace that you’re average and ordinary. Be okay with it.
Having a great sense of self-compassion will give you a much more productive way to bounce back from life’s grievances such as bad dates, rejections, breakups, loneliness, than self-esteem. It’s difficult to always think highly of yourself, but being kind – you can do that every time.