New Year’s Eve Dating Advice


New Year’s Eve is a two days away boys, and you know when that clock strikes 12 you would rather have your tongue down some sexy shorties’ throat and with a palm full of ass in one hand and a glass full of champagne in the other rather than having to settle for giving your best friend a homo hug and wishing him the best.

So let’s focus on a few things so we can do to make sure the night goes our way…

First off, if you’re like me then you’re probably used to pre-gaming with your boys until 11 o’clock and then going out, but that doesn’t fly on New Year’s because that ball is dropping at 12 with or without you. That means that you should be out my 9pm, 10pm at the latest to give yourself enough time to scope out the situation so you don’t get stuck making out with some piglet with Tequila breath.

I know I like to use New Years as an opportunity to find an extremely sexy girl, and more often than not someone that I haven’t met yet, so let me help you out with a few openers:

It’s a week after Christmas, so if you see a particular article of clothing that seems very new, like a pair of heels or boots just throw out the comment, “I bet you that those were a Christmas present,” and run away with it.

If you see a girl taking a shot perhaps say something like, “You better not get to drunk, you don’t wanna be passed out by the time the ball drops,” just make sure you say it with a smirk so you don’t come off as a hater and I’m sure she’ll have some type of response.

Once you spark up a conversation, you’re probably going to have about an hour to seal your fate- so get going. Ask her what her New Year’s resolution is because in all likelihood it’s going to be about something that she feels self conscious about. Make fun of her, but in a nice way. For instance if she says she’s going to start going to the gym say, “That’s a good one, just don’t be one of those people that buys all these new gym clothes, spandex and the whole nine, works out hard for two weeks and then quits.”

If she says she doesn’t have a New Year’s resolution tell her that everyone has to have a New Year resolution so they can feel a sense of accomplishment- it’ll make your dumbass sound smart. Go on to say that she could pick something simple, and tell her yours is that you want to make sure you put the seat down after you pee.

When you’re finished making her laugh and she’s feeling comfortable and all that good shit, tell her you’re gonna go grab a glass of champagne so you can toast before you kiss- throw it out there casually…

You might get a, “Alright, but no tongue,” but try and slip it in there anyway because it’s fucking New Years!!!!

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