Sorry to break it to you guys. If you don’t kiss a girl at the right moment, you run the risk of getting pushed into the “friend” corner. Even if she really, really liked you, you still could end up as nothing more than close friends.
Why is it so important to kiss a girl at the exact right opportune moment, you ask?
Even though increasingly more girls are willing to make the first move, THEY DON’T WANT TO! Girls want a guy who is confident and self-assured. They want a guy who will take the lead so they don’t have to. In a nutshell (to use an appropriate cliché), women want a guy with balls.
But having balls doesn’t mean you should kiss a girl the first sign of mutual attraction. This can freak a girl out, make her think that you only care about sex, or even trigger the “creep” response.
Here, we will break down all of the core “ingredients” for knowing when to kiss a girl for the first time. We will also go over some tactics for building up sexual tension so that first kiss is exploding with passion.
Step 1: The Basics
Before we get into first kiss signals and strategies, let’s go over the basics.
If You Taste Like Onions…
You want your first kiss with her to be magical, a moment that she will remember forever. You do NOT, however, want her to remember the kiss because your breath smelled so bad she had to keep from gagging into your mouth!
Before going on a date with a girl, follow these tips for making sure you have fresh breath for your first kiss:
- Always brush, floss, and gargle before your date
- Do not eat greasy, smelly foods for at least 3 hours before your date
- Don’t smoke before or during your date (unless she is a smoker too)
- Avoiding eating sugary or acidic foods (especially soda) right before and during your date
- Chew some sugar-free gum or mints while on the date
Make Sure the Place is Right
You know why so many first kisses happen in movie theatres? It is because movie theatres are dark and private – the exact ingredients you need for the intimate experience of a first kiss.
Kisses are intimate moments between two people, and it is easier to make that first intimate connection when you are somewhere private. You don’t have to be somewhere completely isolated, but you will want to be somewhere that is free of distractions, noise, and ogling onlookers. Otherwise, one or both of you might get embarrassed by the public display of affection and it can ruin the moment.
Set up your date so it leads to an isolated spot. Here are some ideas:
- Taking a walk to a quite, isolate park of the park
- Riding the Ferris wheel at a carnival
- At a party, pulling her away to a quiet spot by saying “you’ve got to check out this ____” (don’t lead her to a bedroom though; that is a bit too intimate and she’ll get the wrong idea!)
Step 2: Reading the Signals that She Wants to Be Kissed
Never just lean in and start kissing a girl until you’ve gotten ALL the signals that she wants to be kissed. No, the fact that she is out on a date with you is NOT a signal! Here is what you need to be looking for:
Eye contact is the first ingredient of establishing a connection. When she is ready to be kissed, the eye contact will go to a whole new level. She will give you longer glances from the corner of her eyes, and probably blush when you return her gaze because she knows that you know she wants it.
Body language is one of the most important parts of flirting and reading a woman’s interest. Here are some of the body language cues which say that she is ready to be kissed:
- She leans in when you move way
- She doesn’t move back when you lean in
- She is facing you and her arms and legs are uncrossed
- She runs her fingers or hands over her glass, a piece of jewelry, or a part of her body
Be on the lookout for negative body language too, like if she leans away or her body is closed off. Pay attention to what her hands are doing. If they are simulating rubbing or other intimate motions (like if she is playing with her hair), this is a good sign. If her fingers are tapping anxiously on her phone, it is a bad sign.
Still need some work on your flirting skills? Download our free guide to flirting here.
If you are new to kissing and seduction, it is probably best that you don’t rely on body language alone for determining when to kiss a girl. Instead, use the degree of physical contact to gauge when it is the right moment to kiss a girl.
Start by giving her quick touches and seeing how she reacts – like quickly putting your hand on her shoulders for a few seconds and then removing it, or “admiring” a piece of her jewelry and touching it (and her).
If you get a good reaction to these quick touches, you can gradually (emphasis on gradually!) build up to longer touches – like pulling her close to you and looking right into her eyes (which would also be a good moment to kiss her!). Once you are a pro, you will learn how to build up the physical contact to create increasing amounts of sexual tension so, when you finally do kiss her, it will be like an explosion!
When In Doubt, ASK!
If you are a complete newbie and aren’t sure when to kiss a girl, you can always ask “can I kiss you?” In fact, a lot of girls are simultaneously charmed and captivated by this approach. It shows you are a respectful gentleman, but also that you’ve got enough balls to ask for what you want.
Step 3: Getting the Kiss Right
You are in a private place and her body language is telling you that she’s ready to be kissed. So, now it is time to kiss her. Before you lean in and start smooching, you’ve got to realize that there are 3 types of kisses. Depending on what you want, one type might be more appropriate.
The Romantic Kiss
This is the best type of kiss for newbies, and also the most common type of kiss for building serious relationships. You’ve probably watched enough sappy movies to know what this kiss looks like: you two are walking somewhere, hand-in-hand, and suddenly the conversation tapers off. You pull her in to you and slowly (slowly!) lean in for the kiss.
The Spontaneous Kiss
This type of kiss is not for newbies. When done right, it can knock her socks off. When done wrong, she might be offended that you cut her off mid sentence to kiss her. She might also think you only care about sex. So, you’ve got to be 100% sure that she wants to be kissed – even if the normal cues aren’t in place at that exact moment. You’ve also got to handle the post-kiss moments correctly by launching right back to where you were or you will seem like some sort of horn ball.
Here’s an example of what the spontaneous kiss looks like when done right: You two are in a park eating ice cream and chatting. You grab her hand, pull her close, and kiss her passionately. Then you smile, say “where were we?”, and resume conversation exactly where it left off.
The Sexual Kiss
This is the type of kiss where you two are both so horny for each other (like if you two have been grinding against each other at a club all night) that she is desperate for something to happen. The problem with these types of kisses is that, unless it escalates to something else quickly – i.e. sex — the passion fizzles out quickly. You might get her number and a date with her later, but it will be really difficult to replicate that sort of hot passion again. That is why it is so important to leave her wanting more (more on this later). So, only use this kiss if you are a pro or want a one-night stand with a girl in that moment.
Step 4: Avoiding the Post First-Kiss Awkwardness
Kisses can’t go on forever, and those moments after a first kiss can be really awkward. This is exactly the reason so many guys wait to kiss a girl until they are on her doorstep. If you don’t want to wait until the end of the date to kiss her, then brace yourself for the potentially-awkward moment after the kiss. In most cases, the best thing to do after the first kiss is to resume whatever you were doing. This can be as simple as taking her hand after the kiss (hand-holding is always a good touch after a first kiss!) and continuing your stroll. Initiate conversation again by asking a simple question like, “which path should be take?”
Whatever you do, don’t keep kissing her! It might seem like a logical way to alleviate the awkwardness, but it will hurt you in the long run because you should always leave her wanting more.
Step 5: Always Leave Her Wanting More
This is where a lot of guys blow it. If you don’t follow this advice, then your physical relationship probably won’t advance as you’d like it to.
As enjoyable as it is on its own, kissing is considered foreplay. If she gets bored with kissing you, then she is going to lose any interest in going further. And once you lose that passion, you are basically just friends.
In a nutshell, here is how you leave her wanting more: stop kissing her when it is just getting really good.
The reason you do this is because you want to build up sexual tension. Yes, I know it is hard to control yourself, but it will pay off in the long run. The next time you kiss, she will be so hot and eager for it that you can easily advance further.
Once you get more comfortable with flirting and reading cues, you can advance to techniques for building sexual tension. One technique involves holding off on the kiss for as long as possible. I’m not saying to hold off until you miss the opportunity and she thinks you have no balls. I’m saying to let the physical and sexual tension build so much that she is practically going crazy (this is what makes it so much fun for the both of you). Hold her eye contact so long that you can see the color variations in her irises. Sit close but without touching so you can feel the electricity against each other’s skin. Tease her by leaning in but keep pulling back. You can learn more about these advanced strategies in our free guide to flirting. Download it here.
In this way, you can ensure that kissing doesn’t become a dead end, that it stays exciting, and that she remains hot for you. Plus, it is a lot more fun this way.