You got divorced, and now decided to get into the dating world again. A little voice in your head is holding you back, screaming insanely and telling you, that you’re a scared and there is no one right for you. After all, you're hearing it from your depressed single friends all the time, who are by the way are tremendously miserable. You also seem to believe them and start asking yourself, ‘Is it true that there in no one perfect for me out there?
Finding a good man or a woman partly depends on you. If you’ve recently been divorced, get rid of all the negative thoughts that your next marriage will also face the same ending. Although, it’s easy for most men and women to blame their partner for the demise of the relationship, it’s okay if it’s true. But, the fact is you allowed or tolerated certain behaviors of your spouse, that were intolerable to you, but you decided to live with them anyway. The outcome; an ugly breakup.
Here are three steps that can help your get back into the dating scene and enjoy a healthy dating life:
Step 1: Be vulnerable with yourself, and try to realize how you feel. Most of us while dating always try to hide our problems and insecurities from our partners, and pretend that everything in our life is perfect. Our vulnerabilities and fears only become evident during certain events that we can’t control such as bankruptcy or losing our job. Therefore, be honest with yourself and address your personal feelings.
Step 2: Attain an empowered understanding of how you feel. Sometimes we feel and resentful towards our partners for problems in the relationship, especially when it comes to financial issues. We get drowned in debt because the other person wasn’t responsible spending the money. While we have the right to be angry and upset for this mess created by one of our partners, if you learned an empowered understanding of the situation, you’ll realize that it is actually you who is upset and angry. Your angry is making you understand the ways that you did nothing to stop your spouse from his or her reckless spending habit, just for the reason that you ignored your needs to make your partner happy.
Step 3: Don’t try to change other, rather change yourself. After you learned an empowered understanding of yourself and realized what’s making your angry, you decided to make a dramatic to yourself. You can contribute to an understanding that, to have a future healthy relationship, you need to stop pretending that you had everything in your life in control, and ask for support. Asking for help might feel like being vulnerable to yourself, but it will allow you to meet your needs eventually. Feeling vulnerable will make your realize your self-worth, and demonstrate to others that your needs matters just as much as anybody else’s. However, this can become precarious to someone who unconsciously believes that they’ve flaws and are unlovable.
If you're looking for a relationship, avoid repeating the same mistakes that caused your first relationship to tank. Rather, empower yourself emotionally and learn more about yourself, which will help you, find someone who shares your interests and values.