The word rejection is synonymous with dating. You know you got rejected if your online messages aren’t answered, or the person you went on the first date with hasn’t returned your calls. Regardless of the various ways of getting rejected, most rejections have one thing in common. They all make us feel upset, depressed, and angry. What’s worse about rejection is that we can’t find answers to what went wrong, which might keep us wondering. All this self-inflicted punishment makes us feel miserable and can make us lose our self-esteem, confidence, and leave us feeling emotionally weak.
There is a way to rebound from rejection, though. We can get back our happiness, move on and return to the dating scene. Here’s how:
1. Stop criticizing yourself.
It's perfectly fine to be critical of yourself after a rejection, but there is little benefit in that. Many rejections have nothing to do with the personal flaws or shortcomings of a person. It’s more about the chemistry and compatibility of the two individuals. You might think the other person is interested or feels attracted to you, but in reality he or she isn’t interested enough to take it to the next level. If they feel compatible with you, there is a high chance that you too have felt it at some point. Therefore, stop with the self-blaming and bashing, and clear your mind of negative thoughts that you may feel after being rejected.
2. Restore your self-esteem.
Now that you’ve freed yourself of self-criticism, take steps to revive your self-esteem. The best approach for you here is to remind yourself over and over again about all the great qualities you possess, that make you, YOU! Prepare a list of attributes that you have and believe are invaluable for dating and establishing a long-lasting relationship. Stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself that you’re a caring, lovable, loyal, compassionate, good listener, amazing kisser, etc. Now, focus on any one of those attributes and write a short essay on it.
Explain to yourself why it’s important to have this in dating and relationships, how this has helped you with your past dates, and why your future boyfriend or girlfriend will find this indispensable, and so forth. Try to write one or two brief paragraphs, or stop only when you start to feel better about yourself. We promise this activity will have a positive impact on your self-esteem.
3. Reclaim your sense of belonging.
Rejections are painful; we won’t disagree with that. But, the main reason why rejection inflicts such emotional pain is that we start to lose our sense of belonging. Humans are naturally inclined to be “wanted,” “loved” and “need to belong” to someone else. It’s this sense of belonging that has made us very susceptible and sensitive to rejection. It’s advised that if you’ve been a victim of rejection, you reach out to your friends and family for support and to regain your sense of belonging.
When you’re looking for a date, be prepared for rejection. It will be painful, and some of you will suffer from it. Following these three steps will make your healing process faster and easier, and make you more confident for your future dates.