So you like him and you’ve gone on a few dates with him. You’ve spent a delightful time getting to know each other, and now you’ve faced your first problem in the relationship – your first disagreement. He suddenly stops being affectionate with you, or he’s consistently late, and it’s making you angry, or maybe he forgot to call every other day, and so on. You start having second thoughts about the future of your relationship.
Here are three ways to handle conflicts that happen early in a relationship:
1. Don’t Assume Everything Is Okay
This is seen in most women, especially when they’re very interested in a man and they accept whatever happens and hold back all of their feelings so that they don’t scare him away. This behavior is highly noticeable among those who have a few unsuccessful relationships in the past. Despite the fact that you’re seething with anger and resentment, you keep quiet and calm, and always say “yes” to things he suggests doing even if you really don’t feel comfortable doing them. You profess that it doesn’t affect you badly when he isn’t spending time with you and isn’t giving you the affection you want. But by doing this, it actually stops you from truly connecting with a man and forming a deeper relationship with him. Why? Because he can’t understand what makes you feel happy. Besides, the more you keep withholding your thoughts and emotions from your boyfriend, the more you start to resent him and push him away.
2. Don’t Make Him Wrong
Often, when you’ve been suppressing whatever it is that’s making you dislike a guy, you’ll end up with so much anger that you can't take. That’s when your emotions will take over, and you'll unleash all of your suppressed feelings like an explosion, despite your best efforts not to. And most of it seems like accusations that are directed at your man. Everything you do and say makes him feel guilty and wrong. It’s at this point that he gets into defensive mode, shuts down, and doesn’t want to hear from you anymore. Also, you end up with a man who makes himself distant from you and even ends all kinds of contact with you. You feel awful and keep blaming yourself entirely because you failed to make the relationship work.
3. Always Speak About Your Feelings
If you master being open about your feelings, you’ll be saved from a lot of heartache and frustration. If your boyfriend did something that didn’t make you feel good, and he keeps doing it, then focus on the feeling instead of what he’s been doing. If he forgot to call after he promised to call, instead of arguing with him about it, tell him that you’re feeling disappointed that you don’t talk like you used to do before. Notice there isn’t any accusatory tone here. It’s not about what he said, or what he is or isn’t doing. You’re reminding him what’s going on in the relationship and how you’re feeling about it. When you’re dating someone, and when you express your feelings to him/her, always give your partner a chance to make it better.