Is it possible for couples to achieve true happiness? When you’re disappointed with your relationship, it may seem like other couples are happy everywhere you go. Remaining in an unhappy relationship can make you cynical about relationships. Your cynicism about romantic relationships can grow like cancer, fueled by the lack of communication, avoidance, and resentment.
So, what do the happiest couples do that makes their relationship successful? Here are some secrets that the happiest couples know and abide by:
1. You Both Have Shared Goals For The Future
If you want to have a happy, long-lasting relationship, the two of you should share the same goals and visions for the future. Both of you should have the same desire to have kids, career aspirations, retirement plans, financial management, and so on and so forth. If there are any discrepancies in any of these categories, both partners discuss how they can compromise or reach a middle ground.
2. You’re Fully Aware That You Can’t Control or Change Your Spouse
This is one big mistake many people try, and they fail miserably every time. You might find this confusing initially, and you may ask yourself – why wouldn't it be reasonable for your partner to change if it would contribute to your happiness? The answer is that the other partner who is being blamed might think that he’s being blamed for his habits and behaviors, which is making you unhappy. Remember: blame the behavior for you being unhappy, not your partner. Putting a label on your spouse’s habit or behavior isn’t the best way to fulfill your wants and needs. It also deprives them of the opportunity to explain their behavior. This is nothing but fuel for marital conflict.
3. You Appreciate Your Partner If He Or She Is Doing Something Right
Happy couples appreciate and express gratitude for each other. If the other does something nice, they recognize that gesture from their partner. This helps build trust. Similar to happiness, trust in a relationship needs to be earned and maintained over time. Therefore, acknowledging and recognizing when your partner is doing something good will tremendously improve the trust in your relationship.
4. Keep In Mind, Judgment Kills Intimacy
When you’re in a committed relationship, judgment induces shame and doesn’t help any aspect of the relationship. Happy couples know this very well. Humans are naturally inclined to connection, and they desire intimacy, both physical and emotional. Judging your partner gives birth to shame, and shame erodes that connection. Judgments can come in any form, and only telling your partner, “Why did you fold the clothes that way?” can be quite painful. Judgment induces conflict, conflict causes shame, weakens the connection, and ultimately intimacy evaporates.
5. The Happiest Couples Are Excellent Communicators
Happy couples know how to “fight or argue”, and know how to communicate well. Most couples think arguing and fighting is counter-intuitive in a relationship. That’s why they stay away from conflict altogether, but this doesn’t always bring happiness. They just suffer in silence. Choosing avoidance is a temporary solution. Withholding conflicts don't resolve them, rather it aggregates them. Keep in mind, during a conflict, the love and respect for your significant other doesn't stop, but it’s imperative that you communicate with respect during a conflict.