We all have been at a phase in our relationship where we have been furious and resentful to our partners for a good stretch of time. It’s been reported that this most often happens when we agree on something that we actually want to disagree. It’s this false “yes” that often breeds resentment and anger in the long-term. When we’ve been in a relationship for a long time, there might be disagreements, which can spur unwanted fights. So, one of the partners says, “yes” to something where they should have told, “no,” just to avoid the argument. This might be a commendable move in the short term, but always saying ‘yes’ always might be harmful to your relationship.
When A “Yes” Becomes A “No”
Each partner in a romantic relationship has his or her boundaries that need to be respected, and when those invisible boundaries are violated over and over again, the consequences aren’t pretty. So, for example, your boyfriend comes up to you and tells you that he’ll be busy at work this week. So, he asks you to make sure that you cook dinner for both of you all week.
If you think that this arrangement will only last for the one week and after one-week things will all get back normal, where you and spouse will share all household chores equally. In these circumstances, you might say, “yes,” despite the fact that it feels a little off-putting to you. But what happens when he’s super busy the following week and the week after that and for the next couple of weeks? You want to say, “no” here and get out of it, but you feel like that you got stuck in this as agreed to cook when he’s busy. You feel wretched, but you can’t tell your partner about it. To tell the truth, most of us have been in a situation like this in our relationships and marriages.
Negotiations Start With Honesty
When you’re negotiating about something or making changes in the relationship, ensure that you’re fully honest with yourself and with your significant other.
Here are few things that you both should consider together:
If you’re saying yes to something, do you say yes to it always? Are you only saying yes to it because of particular circumstances? What are these conditions? Don’t forget to negotiate all of this in advance. If you start to feel resenting something, then this resentment is your hint that it’s time to talk about something.
Find That Resentment And Renegotiate
When you’re in a relationship, figure out what particular thing in the relationship is making you resentful. Your resentment is the cue for you to renegotiate and ensure that you get back on even terms. If and your partner keeps holding on to resentment, it won’t do your relationship any good. If you think that having a conversation about it is will be hard and will make your partner disappointed, don’t hesitate, they’re upset already. So, feel it, be open to it, and talk about it.