Singles have always walked on thin ice. You have to show people that you’re happy being single, but can’t be too jolly—otherwise will be worried that you aren’t trying enough to find someone to love. On the flipside, if you tell people that you’re unhappy with your life and trying really, really hard to find a date, then people will assume that you’re too desperate. In that case, you’ll never be able to attract someone good for you. You’re too desperate!
People can rightly judge our emotions, behaviors, and personalities that will help us to meet an ideal and romantic partner. They only want us to be happy and content with ourselves. But, the truth is these rules do make us bad, they also don’t work at all times.
Say, let’s take being, “too desperate” into scrutiny. It makes sense – we all have experience meeting someone who anxious, nervous person who fanatic need for approval makes you leave the room. But a University of Toronto research has reported that most of us are fine with keeping that discomfort vibe in control.
Researchers asked a group of single participants at a speed-dating event how they felt about being single to determine their anxiousness level of being single. Then they were asked to pair with the opposite sex and have a conversation for a few minutes. After three minutes, the participants have been invited to switch partners, and the process continued until each member met with 25 members of opposite sex. Finally, the speed daters indicated with whom they would like to share personal information and meet again.
The researchers have discovered two things. One, the nervous group were interested in date a larger number of people, while the less anxious ones were more selective whom they want to date. It’s not surprising to see that concerned individuals were less picky, but they’re desirable indeed. Second, the researchers concluded that the anxious daters got similar levels of interest compared to their confident compatriots.
The finding suggests that people who are anxious and afraid that they would remain single, wasn’t a turn-off to their potential suitors and that such fears are in most cases are unfounded. In other words, people can’t see your fear or know that you’re desperate to be in a relationship. The authors, however, have admitted that some speed-daters have noticed some of the dates were stressful and lacked confidence, but it was in no way a deal-breaker as most of the people tell us to believe.
Though our society gives high marks to people who have high self-esteem and confidence, there is little evidence that these qualities make us more attractive and desirable to other people. Researchers have also found that overly confident college students believe they have better interpersonal skills than students who aren't. Nonetheless, their roommates have just rated their confidence just as average.
Regardless of people with high or low self-esteem, both are liked by others. It’s because of low self-esteem individuals who overly underestimate their approval levels by others, while the high self-esteem people greatly overestimate how other approves them. In other words, confident people don’t always make better dates or partners than their desperate counterparts. They just think they are!