All posts by Dating Guru

How To Nicely Tell Someone That You Are Not Interested

We all experience this while dating. We go on a date with someone we're interested in, but your instincts tell you that he or she isn’t right for you. You want to say it to him or her, but can’t, as you don’t want to hurt their feelings. So, what’s the best way to handle the situation? How can you nicely tell someone that you aren’t interested? What should you say?

Usually, considerate people will simply disappear without telling their dates anything. They justify this awful action by convincing themselves that they’ve done this because they don’t want to hurt the other person’s feelings. It is way better than rejecting someone they have no interest in dating. Is this the right way? Honestly, it’s downright wrong. By not giving any explanation why you left without telling him or her, you’re doing the thing you always wanted to avoid – hurting the other person. You see, nobody likes to be in the dark. It’s inconsiderate, rude and disrespectful. Everyone deserves to be treated honorably. So, handle the situation with an appropriate level of consideration and maturity by investing all your efforts.

Honesty is crucial in a relationship. Always deliver the truth, no matter how harsh or hurtful it can be or how bad the consequences will be to the other person. If you aren’t interested, instead of making him or her wait, be direct and tell them, “I’m not interested in you.” Delivering this message can make any person uneasy, but it will certainly create more pain and discomfort if you delay it. This message will give the person you rejected closure. Otherwise, people can be left thwarted, questioning themselves of their worth.

How the message will impact the other person depends on what you say and how you say it. Sometimes it’s better to keep the explanation brief. Some men and women would be really happy if you gave them detailed reasons. Remember, it’s mainly how you say it, not just what you need them to hear. Keep your tone calm, and be assured, relaxed and gentle. Never be defensive or dismissive. Tell him or her that, you had a great time on the date, but it occurred to you that you aren’t interested in taking this further. Tell them they are a wonderful person with a great personality and qualities, but you noticed that your interests, goals, and personality are different than their's. End it by telling them that you hope they understand and that you aren’t the right person for them.

Also consider the medium you will use to convey your decision. An email may be adequate in some situations, while some will require a reason at the end of the date. But if you want to leave the other person after a few dates, having a conversation over the phone is a commendable choice.

Lastly, if you’re the person who is on the receiving end, remind yourself that finding someone for a relationship always involves some degree of trial and error. Keep in mind that the person you dated rejected you not because there is something wrong with you. It happened because this wasn’t the right match or relationship for you. Be patient with yourself, keep moving ahead, and you will find someone right for you.


3 Crucial Steps To Find The Woman Of Your Dreams

When you ask an average guy what his “dream woman” is like, don’t be surprised that most of them will say they want someone who is drop-dead gorgeous. In other words, physical beauty is the top priority for men looking for a partner. We all know that physical beauty isn’t the only quality that’s required for a healthy and long-lasting relationship. In fact, relationships based on physical attraction don’t last.

So what should a man look for when finding the right person, or should we say his “dream woman” to be in a long-term relationship? Here are three crucial steps to finding and keeping the woman of your dreams:

1. Look At The Bigger Picture

If a man is adamant in his fantasy and the unrealistic quest for his “dream woman,” one of the biggest setbacks he will have to face is finding her in the first place. We don’t know that it will happen. If a man wants a dream woman and intends to be in a long-term relationship with her, he needs to change his thinking and look at the bigger picture. He should envision a woman who can help him achieve his dreams as well as share the life he always imagined for himself. It means that he should choose a woman who has all the essential qualities and behavior that are needed to love and support him in realizing those dreams, regardless how she looks.

2. Determine What You Want In Life

This one seems simple. Before your start living the life you always imagined, you first need to decide what your goals are. Clarify your personal vision of a happy, comfortable, exciting and fulfilling life. Once you’ve done that, the next step becomes apparent. Now you know exactly what qualities the woman of your dreams must have to help you to achieve those goals. So go figure yourself out. And until you know yourself and what you need, there is little to no chance that you will find a woman who will love and care for you in wonderful, life-changing ways for who you are.

3. Pair Up With Your Dream Woman

We find it amazing that lots of guys brood and complain about their cruel, selfish women in their lives. This happens because most guys neglected or weren't aware of the pros of “matching up” with their woman in the beginning. To put this into perspective, if you like to travel and always dream of sailing across the world, you need to date or be in a relationship with a woman who is spontaneous, likes being outdoors, is fearless, and has an incredible passion for nature and adventure.


The bottom line is, if you want to be in a relationship with your “dream woman,” first you need to be fully honest about what you envisioned for the future that you want for yourself. Only then will you  find success in your search for the perfect woman.


9 Types of Guys That Women Cannot Stand

When it comes to choosing someone for a relationship, we all have our own list of “can’t stands” and “must haves.” These qualities allow men and women to date a guy or a girl with behavior and traits that they think are important to be in a healthy and long-term relationship. Here we have listed nine types of guys that women simply cannot stand:

1. Mr. Liar, Liar

This is the biggest turn-off for all women. Nobody likes to date or even be with someone with a reputation for lying. Honesty and trust are the bedrock of a secure, successful and long-lasting relationship. Lying is the opposite of all these good traits, and women cannot stand when guys lie to them. This is the number one deal breaker, so, unless you badly want to destroy your relationship or marriage, think twice before you consider being deceitful!

2. Mr. Mean

Another main deal breaker for men looking for a girlfriend is being mean. Being rude, belittling other people, being prejudiced or simply being hateful to others is just a major turn-off for the ladies. Period.

3. Mr. Opportunist

Another “can't stand” when it comes to a man’s personality is the opportunist. It’s very unattractive to most women when their boyfriend uses or takes advantage of or manipulates others for his selfish reasons. Women are looking for a man who is honest, direct, respectful and straightforward with others.

4. Mr. Lazy Bones

Life is too short to spend it lying on the couch watching TV all day, or sleeping the whole day away. Women are looking for someone with ambition, drive, energy and passion.

5. Mr. Hot Head

Angry guys are toxic. Women can't stand a man who shouts, screams and can’t control his temper or anger. If there is something that is bothering you, handle it in a gentle and mature way. Don’t just shut it inside of you until it’s too late to have a calm and decent conversation.

6. Mr. Slob

Just like women, men love to come home to a house that is neat and tidy. Women also love when guys put effort to keep their homes and themselves clean and take pride in it.

7. Mr. Devious

Similar to Mr. Hot Head, this refers to the kind of guy who will send the gals running for the hills. Nobody has that much time for negative energy and drama.

8. Mr. Flake

This is the type of guy who promises you a lot of things but fails or forgets to deliver. He knows that he won’t be able to honor all of his pledges, but he still makes promises so that he can have a relationship with her. It’s sneaky and creepy. Women love men who are reliable, stable, consistent, and steady. Being flaky and unreliable is a huge deal breaker.

9. Mr. Unfaithful

Infidelity is one of the most unfortunate things to happen in a relationship. Cheating on your girlfriend or boyfriend can end your relationship. It’s also one of the primary reasons for divorces. Infidelity can cause tremendous emotional pain that takes a long time to heal from. Needless to say, most women will not date someone who has a history of cheating.


11 Signs That Show Your Partner Might Be Cheating

Cheating is common in many relationships today. When a partner is cheating, there are always signs. No matter how hard they try, cheating boyfriends or girlfriends will show hints of their unfaithfulness.

Here are eleven signs to look out for if you think your boyfriend or girlfriend is cheating on you:

1. Your partner is overly obsessed with himself or herself. He/she is always checking on how they’re dressed or how they look in a mirror. It’s obvious that your partner might be trying to look attractive to impress the other person. If you see a drastic change in the appearance of your partner, pay attention.

2. You see your partner, who used to dress moderately, suddenly starts wearing expensive shoes, trousers, shirts and perfumes. If you find lipstick stains on him that are not your's or smell a perfume from another lady or man, you may have an indication that he/she is cheating on you.

3. Your partner starts to spend more time with his/her new love interest. This new love interest can be a friend, a colleague, a companion or even an associate of your's. If he/she is a guy or a gal, you might need to know more about this relationship, as it’s highly likely it’s an affair.

4. Your partner suddenly begins to argue with you over irrelevant things. He/she is trying to blame you for something you had nothing to do with, and you realize that they’re doing it to pick a fight with you. This could be a sign that your partner is cheating.

5. All of a sudden, your partner begins seeking privacy. He/she makes secret calls and sends texts or emails without you knowing anything about it and also will not want you to know about some things.

6. Your partner goes on a sudden vacation or business trip without telling you about it. Apparently, your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t want you to know where he/she goes or doesn’t want to tell you about it. All this makes you even more suspicious that your partner is cheating on you.

7. He/she is always texting and chatting online. If your boyfriend/girlfriend is always on the computer chatting with someone, or texts on his or her phone for a long period even while you are there in front of them. You better find out soon what’s going on, because he/she isn’t chatting or texting their friends or family.

8. He/she becomes less romantic and affectionate. Lack of communication and misunderstanding will hurt romance and affection. If you notice that your partner is less romantic to you, or when you try to be intimate or close to him/her, he/she rejects you without giving any solid reasons, it is a bad sign and cheating can be the reason.

9. He/she tells unnecessary lies. When your partner lies about things that don’t matter to you much, be careful. If your boyfriend/girlfriend begins to twist his/her words or explain things that are out of context, or simply that aren’t important to you, you better take a closer look.

10. It is good to have friends, but when your boyfriend has a lot of female friends, even more than yourself, and you’ve never met most of them, be watchful. Notice his reactions, when you tell him that it’s making you feel insecure and uncomfortable that he’s hanging out them.

11. Your partner might show little or no interest in being physically intimate with you. He/she seems disinterested in having sexual relations with you and also in everyday life activities.


7 Signs That He Is Not Interested In You

Sometimes the old clichés are true and it hurts to know the truth. But, knowing the truth also sets you free. We all have been in situations where, despite doing everything by the book, our partners don’t have the same feelings towards us. Here are a few signs that show that he’s not interested in you:

1. He says he’s not ready for a relationship.

Pay heed to his lines. If he says that he’s not into relationships, it means that he doesn’t believe in marriage. He’s just looking for fun, that’s it. He’s not interested in you and won’t be committed to you. So, cut him loose and find someone who’s looking for a relationship and values it.

2. He asks you to date other guys.

If your partner encourages you to see other guys, it’s not because he wants you to enrich your dating experiences by dating multiple people at the same time. In fact, he’s telling you that he’s not interested in having you all to himself. In other words, he doesn’t want to have an exclusive relationship with you. If this thought makes you uncomfortable, you should start dating someone else who wants an exclusive relationship.

3. He won’t hold hands or show PDA with you.

He hugs and kisses you privately. He won’t hold hands or put his hand over your shoulder or waist in public. It feels like he is not comfortable or feels ashamed to be with you in public. You want to be with someone who should feel happy, comfortable and proud to date you.

4. He won’t make plans in advance.

We aren’t saying that your new boyfriend should plan a getaway six months in the future, but if he feels hesitant to go for dinner next weekend or to a close friend’s birthday party, then you have a problem. It clearly shows that you aren’t his priority and he’s not invested in the relationship. If he were serious about you, none of these would be an issue.

5. He tries to not introduce you to his friends and family.

If he skips meeting your family on the weekend and makes all kinds of excuses to make you stay away from meeting his family or friends when you ask for it, this clearly indicates that he’s not thrilled with you being around him or his family and friends. A guy who is crazy about you can hardly wait to introduce you to his family and friends.

6. He forgets the important stuff and talks about the same things again and again.

Some men are forgetful. Some guys are so not interested in the relationship that they won’t make an effort to remember any important details. Instead, he will tell you the same stories and jokes over and over again and always be disconnected when you’re having a conversation with him. Does he remember your birthday? Can he recall what your favorite food or flower is? If he can't, we can safely say he’s not into you.

7. He delays returning your calls or text messages.

If you call him and text him and he doesn’t respond quickly, it’s time you evaluate your relationship with your new boyfriend. We understand that sometimes he can’t answer or respond to your calls and texts because he’s busy with work or doing something else, but if there has been delays more than 24 hours, then it’s clear you aren’t very important to him. It’s time you leave and get yourself someone new. To get a clear idea how a guy should react when he is interested in you, read this article.


3 Ways to Cope With Romantic Rejection

The word rejection is synonymous with dating. You know you got rejected if your online messages aren’t answered, or the person you went on the first date with hasn’t returned your calls. Regardless of the various ways of getting rejected, most rejections have one thing in common. They all make us feel upset, depressed, and angry. What’s worse about rejection is that we can’t find answers to what went wrong, which might keep us wondering. All this self-inflicted punishment makes us feel miserable and can make us lose our self-esteem, confidence, and leave us feeling emotionally weak.

There is a way to rebound from rejection, though. We can get back our happiness, move on and return to the dating scene. Here’s how:

1. Stop criticizing yourself.

It's perfectly fine to be critical of yourself after a rejection, but there is little benefit in that. Many rejections have nothing to do with the personal flaws or shortcomings of a person. It’s more about the chemistry and compatibility of the two individuals. You might think the other person is interested or feels attracted to you, but in reality he or she isn’t interested enough to take it to the next level. If they feel compatible with you, there is a high chance that you too have felt it at some point. Therefore, stop with the self-blaming and bashing, and clear your mind of negative thoughts that you may feel after being rejected.

2. Restore your self-esteem.

Now that you’ve freed yourself of self-criticism, take steps to revive your self-esteem. The best approach for you here is to remind yourself over and over again about all the great qualities you possess, that make you, YOU! Prepare a list of attributes that you have and believe are invaluable for dating and establishing a long-lasting relationship. Stand in front of the mirror and tell yourself that you’re a caring, lovable, loyal, compassionate, good listener, amazing kisser, etc. Now, focus on any one of those attributes and write a short essay on it.

Explain to yourself why it’s important to have this in dating and relationships, how this has helped you with your past dates, and why your future boyfriend or girlfriend will find this indispensable, and so forth. Try to write one or two brief paragraphs, or stop only when you start to feel better about yourself. We promise this activity will have a positive impact on your self-esteem.

3. Reclaim your sense of belonging.

Rejections are painful; we won’t disagree with that. But, the main reason why rejection inflicts such emotional pain is that we start to lose our sense of belonging. Humans are naturally inclined to be “wanted,” “loved” and “need to belong” to someone else. It’s this sense of belonging that has made us very susceptible and sensitive to rejection. It’s advised that if you’ve been a victim of rejection, you reach out to your friends and family for support and to regain your sense of belonging.


When you’re looking for a date, be prepared for rejection. It will be painful, and some of you will suffer from it. Following these three steps will make your healing process faster and easier, and make you more confident for your future dates.


3 Ways To Handle Conflicts Early On In a Relationship

So you like him and you’ve gone on a few dates with him. You’ve spent a delightful time getting to know each other, and now you’ve faced your first problem in the relationship – your first disagreement. He suddenly stops being affectionate with you, or he’s consistently late, and it’s making you angry, or maybe he forgot to call every other day, and so on. You start having second thoughts about the future of your relationship.

Here are three ways to handle conflicts that happen early in a relationship:

1. Don’t Assume Everything Is Okay

This is seen in most women, especially when they’re very interested in a man and they accept whatever happens and hold back all of their feelings so that they don’t scare him away. This behavior is highly noticeable among those who have a few unsuccessful relationships in the past. Despite the fact that you’re seething with anger and resentment, you keep quiet and calm, and always say “yes” to things he suggests doing even if you really don’t feel comfortable doing them. You profess that it doesn’t affect you badly when he isn’t spending time with you and isn’t giving you the affection you want. But by doing this, it actually stops you from truly connecting with a man and forming a deeper relationship with him. Why? Because he can’t understand what makes you feel happy. Besides, the more you keep withholding your thoughts and emotions from your boyfriend, the more you start to resent him and  push him away.

2. Don’t Make Him Wrong

Often, when you’ve been suppressing whatever it is that’s making you dislike a guy, you’ll end up with so much anger that you can't take. That’s when your emotions will take over, and you'll unleash all of your suppressed feelings like an explosion, despite your best efforts not to. And most of it seems like accusations that are directed at your man. Everything you do and say makes him feel guilty and wrong. It’s at this point that he gets into defensive mode, shuts down, and doesn’t want to hear from you anymore. Also, you end up with a man who makes himself distant from you and even ends all kinds of contact with you. You feel awful and keep blaming yourself entirely because you failed to make the relationship work.

3. Always Speak About Your Feelings

If you master being open about your feelings, you’ll be saved from a lot of heartache and frustration. If your boyfriend did something that didn’t make you feel good, and he keeps doing it, then focus on the feeling instead of what he’s been doing. If he forgot to call after he promised to call, instead of arguing with him about it, tell him that you’re feeling disappointed that you don’t talk like you used to do before. Notice there isn’t any accusatory tone here. It’s not about what he said, or what he is or isn’t doing. You’re reminding him what’s going on in the relationship and how you’re feeling about it. When you’re dating someone, and when you express your feelings to him/her, always give your partner a chance to make it better.


Are You Afraid To Date Because You’ll Get Hurt Again?

It’s very common to see someone scared of dating or trusting a man again because they got seriously hurt in their last relationship. No matter how positive they think, they find it very hard to date men and trust again. They feel like all men are just the same. Well, there’s nothing wrong with being afraid to fall in love again after your previous relationship ended badly. We all feel that way sometimes. It’s not the fear that’s the issue. After all, it’s just a feeling and it doesn’t hurt. The fear becomes a huge problem when you allow the fear to restrict your ability to move forward.

Most recently single women say that their previous relationships almost destroyed them. They believe they won’t find love again or trust a man again. Their think their lives will be over. …But, they’re still hanging on. We know that you’re extremely wounded and vulnerable, but you’re still alive. Most men and women treat the end of their relationships as some life threatening accident that will kill or maim them. Sure, after your relationship ends you’ll feel very depressed. It makes you feel appalling and sad indeed. Sometimes the emotional pain can get intense, and but we still manage to get through it.

Usually we don’t want to experience it again and that’s fine. But you have to know that without taking any risks, you can’t gain anything. When you fall in love with someone or enter into a relationship, you don’t know what will happen to you in the future. You can be happy, or you run the risk of getting hurt. You can’t get around it. So, what are you going to do about it? Well, we suggest you start small. Spare yourself a few minutes, and allow yourself to feel whatever is happening to you both physically and emotionally. Allow yourself to feel the compassion for your nervousness, and feel it without judging or self-deprecating yourself. Train yourself to be comfortable and relax in times of discomfort. Figure out ways to entertain yourself and allow yourself to enjoy the frustration and the boredom without the distraction that follows after a breakup or failing to meet the right man or woman to start a new relationship.

If you’re meeting someone new, someone you’re interested in, don’t shy away from feeling the fear or anxiety. Take a minute and feel what you are feeling at the moment, and remind yourself that even though the feeling isn’t exactly nice, it won’t kill you. You know this very well, as you’ve been through this before. This isn’t easy, but at the same time, it can be tremendously fruitful. On a side note, if you happen to be a parent, it’s best not to disappoint your children. Also, don’t introduce your new boyfriend or girlfriend to your kids until you’re entirely sure that he or she wants to be in a committed relationship with you. It’s up to you when you think it's the right time for your kids to meet your new love interest. Nonetheless, if your future life partner proves that he or she is worthy of your trust, congrats! And if they disappoint you, forgive yourself. Getting heartbroken is a part of life as well.

If you’re looking for a date after a breakup, it’s natural to feel afraid to get back in the dating scene again. But, it’s a part of life and the best approach in moving forward.


3 Steps to Help You Move Forward After Being Betrayed By Your Partner

So, you’ve been struck with a betrayal. You feel your whole life is spinning out of control. Your emotions and thoughts are running thin. You feel sad, angry, desperate and resentful of your partner. You keep asking yourself, “what did I do to deserve this?” Your mind tells you that you can’t come out of this betrayal hole, and your life has stopped moving.

What can you do to get out from this mess? Here are three steps to help you move forward after being betrayed by your partner:

1. Practice Forgiveness

You feel guilty, hurt and resentful that your partner has betrayed you. If you want to get over this and move on from this painful chapter of your life, it’s time to forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself will make you get rid of all the anger, pain, and confusion. Your heart, soul, and body will become toxic unless you forgive yourself as well as considering forgiving your former partner. Don’t make yourself the victim and stop with the self-loathing. Practice forgiveness, as it is the ultimate pathway to healing. Also, remember not to punish your future partners for your ex’s transgressions. Be strong, kind, and confident to give them the trust they deserve.

2. Blame vs. Self-Worth

Instead of blaming yourself for your partner betraying you, appreciate your self-worth. Tell yourself that you’re enough as who you are. Acknowledge the fact that your boyfriend or girlfriend betraying or cheating on you has nothing to do with you. On the flip side, if you’re still angry and blaming your partner for betrayal, you need to deeply consider if you can let go of this unfortunate incident, rebuild your relationship, or if it is in your best interest to  leave the relationship and move on. If you have a hard time choosing the right course of action here, you first need to understand why people betray or cheat on their partners. Usually men and women who have low confidence and self-esteem cheat on or betray their mates. They also possess a high need for acceptance and approval. Therefore, if your spouse fits any of the descriptions above, you have to determine whether you want to heal this relationship or totally end it for you to recover.

3. Rebuild Trust

We understand that your partner’s betrayal made a dent in your trust. You find it hard to trust your partner, and other people, which is crucial if you want to move forward. Keep in mind that projecting your fears won’t do anything for the healing process. If you have decided to stay with your partner, the first thing you need to work on is rebuilding your trust. If you fail to forgive, then there is no point in wasting your time and energy by staying in the relationship and also making your partner pay for their past transgressions.


When you’re in a relationship, keep in mind that every relationship has its rough patches. After a betrayal, it’s very easy to get lost in the maze of anger, doubts, and uncertainty about the future. These three steps above will help you move on and ultimately build a more stable and happy relationship in the future.


4 Common Signs That Your Partner is Cheating On You

Let’s be honest: Cheating is never okay. When it comes to dating and relationships, cheating will always be a hot topic. Why? Because almost everyone at some point has been cheated on, thought of being cheated on, tempted to cheat or has been guilty of cheating. Cheating requires an action, and you and your partner have to be in an exclusive and monogamous relationship. Anything breaking or dishonoring that social contract is cheating. For example, sexual intimacy is a part of an exclusive relationship. If your boyfriend or girlfriend is sleeping with you while they’re secretly pursuing another relationship at the same time, it’s cheating.

If you suspect that your partner is cheating, you might accuse them of it or get all paranoid about it. Before you jump the gun and make accusations, take the time to really see if your partner is cheating. Here are some common signs to look for:

Cheating Sign #1
Your boyfriend or girlfriend has made some drastic changes to his or her appearance, but he or she doesn’t care whether you notice it or ask questions. You see an alluring new hairstyle, an entirely overhauled wardrobe with sexy and stylish outfits, spending long hours in the gym or beauty salon, etc. It’s all on display for someone else’s viewing pleasure. Remember, if you compliment your partner for his or her new looks, and they deflect or downplay it, be careful. It might be that your partner is simply sprucing up his or her act, or it may be to impress someone else. It can go either way.

Cheating Sign #2
Your significant other gives vague or evasive answers to simple questions. If you notice that your partner is getting all defensive or sensitive when you ask him or her their whereabouts, or any other information, it’s safe to say that this person is hiding something from you. They’re also afraid that things will become bad if it gets exposed.

Cheating Sign #3
Your boyfriend or girlfriend has become secretive. You feel disconnected from certain aspects of your partner’s life. What’s worse is that you want to know about those certain aspects. And what happens next is pretty natural: you get suspicious. Secrets arouse suspicion.

Cheating Sign #4
You notice your partner is less interested in being physically intimate or having sex with you. This particular development should be analyzed with plenty of caution. Many factors might cause a drop in a person’s libido, such as anxiety, insomnia, stress, hormonal imbalances, health problems, and so on. It could also be that your boyfriend or girlfriend is losing interest in the relationship. It is this sign that you should keep your eyes peeled.

Infidelity is common when you’re in a committed, romantic relationship. So, if you’re dating someone and you feel suspicious that your boyfriend or girlfriend may be cheating, don’t waste any time, and have a direct conversation with him or her and expect direct answers about what’s really happening.