All posts by Dating Guru

How to Overcome Being Emotionally Needy

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We, humans always long to be loved, understood, supported and accepted. While in relationships, we all have been emotionally needy to some extent — meaning we need more emotional support during that phase. It’s acceptable to reach out and ask for help sometimes, but when we become too needy and demanding, downright annoying and clingy, insecure — this can be counterproductive in maintaining a healthy relationship. A person when in a relationship should be able to express their feelings, take care of their own “stuff” and tolerate loneliness if he or she wants the relationship advance. This also conveys our personality and what kind of relationship we want to have.

However, there are people who insecure with an anxious attachment behavior that is usually labeled as overly needy. Some of the key signs are:

  • They deny or minimize their need and ask or manipulate others to fill in their emptiness and emotional needs.
  • They worry their partners don’t love them enough, so they become utterly emotional and insecure. So, they constant reach out to their partners and always remind them they need more around them. Sometimes this can be a nuisance.
  • Emotionally needy people always feel insecure and oversensitive to any situation.
  • They had parents (or a parent) who were illogically nurturing which lead to inner anger and anxiety in themselves, particularly around relationships.

 

Being overly needy often leaves their partner emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed, which can lead the relationship to break up. This is what anxious people fear about most and yet their behavior will push their partner away. Their partners can’t help them, or compliment them, or reassure them either as they have insatiable and wearing emotional ‘neediness.’

However, you can get over being emotionally needy. Here are few ways you can do it:

Be Aware of Neediness

To recognize a problem you have to be aware of the issue in the first place. Try to understand your emotional anxiety and how it is affecting your relationship now and in the future. Also start addressing how you can get rid of your clingy and needy behavior.

Give Your Partner Some Space

It’s not important how close you are to a person; it’s bad to spend most of your time with him or her. They become overwhelmed, worn out and begin to do things that will force them to break up with you. Try to spend time alone by yourself, and give some space to partner. It is the best approach for a long-term and fruitful relationship.

Learn How to Trust

If your fear abandonment and don’t trust people much, that an indication of neediness. If you have doubt a person’s feelings or fear abandonment, it will provoke the person to end the relationship. Learn to trust your instincts and your partners as well and don’t doubt it.

Be more independent

If you start doing things for yourself and stop depending on people for care and support, you will find fulfillment and get rid of your neediness. Try becoming more self-reliant and independent. The more independence you have in the relationship, the longer it will thrive.

So, strive to make these changes in your life, and you will find yourself in a better place and hopefully in a healthier relationship!


Three Ways on How to Cope from Rejection

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Anyone who has been dating is bound to come across the word rejection. Rejection can come if you see your online messages aren’t being answered, or while on a first date the another person hasn’t returned your calls, or you got dumped the moment you were just started going out, all rejections have one thing in common — they hurt real bad. What’s more upsetting about rejections is – our inability to understand what went wrong, which might easily lead us to self-criticism. All this self-inflicted punishment makes us feel utterly miserable and can lose confidence, desperate and emotionally weak.

However, there is a way to rebound from rejection, find your happiness back, move on and return to the dating world. Below are three steps to help you cope with the emotional pain inflicted after being rejected:

Stop Self-Criticism

Although it’s understandable to self-criticize after a rejection, there is a little benefit in that. Most rejections have nothing particular to do with any personal flaws or shortcomings. Instead, they have much to do with chemistry and compatibility. You might think the other person is interested in you, but in reality, he or she isn’t interested enough. And if they felt compatible with you, it’s very likely you too will feel it at some point. Thus, stop blaming yourself or think that you have some perceived flaws after being rejected.

Reinvigorate Your Self-Esteem

Now that you have spared yourself from the evil clutches of self-criticism, it’s time to revive your self-esteem. And the right way to do that is to remind you again and again about your qualities and attributes you possess which you believe makes you great. Make a list of qualities you have and think are invaluable for dating and maintain a relationship. Say you are loyal, caring, lovable, supportive, passionate, considerate, a good cook, a great listener, a good kisser, and so on.

Now, choose anyone of those attributes and write a short essay, and explain why this quality is important to you, why your future spouse will find it indispensable, how this has helped you with dating and being in relationships before, and so on. Try to write one or two brief paragraphs until you start to feel better about yourself. Remember that this exercise will have a positive impact on your self-esteem, only if you write.

Regain Your Sense of Belonging

The reason why rejection has sharp emotional pain is that we feel to lose our sense of belonging. We, humans always wanted to be “loved” and “need to belong” to someone or a group, it is this sense of we have become every sensitive to rejection. So, to regain your sense of belonging, reach out to your friends and family members for support if you happen to be a victim of rejection.

Rejections are very common forms emotional pain that unfortunately doesn't go away soon. However, by taking these three steps will make your healing process easier, boost up your confidence, and get you back on the dating scene again stronger than ever.


Write an Online Dating Profile like a Pro

man-949058_960_720Writing an online dating profile can be compared with the likes of writing a book or an article — if it hasn't grabbed your attention, then you probably swiped left and clicked on the next exciting thing to read. Writing an online dating profile about yourself is on par with writing a cover letter or resume, or putting down all the interesting things about you, it’s a very daunting task, but an absolute necessity.

Nobody loves to list down all the reasons why anyone should date them, but it can be particularly hard for those who suck at writing. But despair not, there is the way to cheat through all that and write a dating profile that will give fellow online daters turned on by you.

1. Use Lists

Making a list of your favorite things is an overused yet an effective approach to communicating about what you like, and it’s also simple for the person looking at your profile to get an idea about your personality and if they have anything in common. Big music aficionado? List your favorite singers, list down your top 5 most favorite songs. Huge movie fan? List all the movies. Go crazy with the lists; it can be anything from countries, cities, restaurants, books, etc. But make sure you are honest about it, so when the topic comes up, you’ll be able to speak on the subject.

2. Don’t Forget to Mention Corny Jokes

Admit it, we all love people that have a sense of humor, but if you are the guy, then remember, women are really into someone who can make them laugh. So start your profile with a joke that has an impressive punch line and or makes them puzzled that they try to figure out that joke all day. For example, “what is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? To know the answer, talk to me!” Seem intriguing to me!

3. Quotes Makes Your Profile Interesting

Similar to jokes, including unique quotes can make your profile interesting and stand out from the rest. Post something from an author or a famous speaker or personality that matches your aspirations, lifestyle, and life philosophy. In short, let the pros do the work for you.

4. Ask Your Friends Do It for You

If you can’t express what makes you special or can’t tell how awesome you are, then ask you a friend who knows you and loves you do the work. After all, that why friends are for, right? Since there are no rules against hiring ghost writers to write your dating profile, ask your best friend, “If you care about me and want to set me up with someone, what are things you will tell them? “But make sure that besides all the right stuff; tell your bestie to make your dating profile full of energy and enthusiasm, humorous, but importantly sincere and honest.

So, there you have it, four simple yet fun ideas to spare you the agony of writing a dating profile like a pro. You can use any combination of these great tips or just one to get you started in the dating world and hopefully in the way of a new relationship.


How to End a Relationship in Your 30’s

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When you are in your 30s, you begin to realize your expectations about dating had changed when you were in your 20s. During this time, you’ve been in many relationships, probably some serious ones too, and now you know what you and don’t want in a partnership. Relationships can end for many reasons, and breakups in your 30s can be quite distressful than in your 20s, given that you were more committed to that relationship.

But there is a way to do it without inflicting too much pain on either side and also end a loveless relationship with honesty, care and your honor intact.

Be Honest About the Issue

Breakup just doesn’t happen all of a sudden. Breakups occur because you and your partner might be arguing or fighting more than getting along or knowing each other, or there are problems with your job or finances, addictions or just not trusting or respecting each other.
You’re in your 30s, and you realize that you don’t have the time and effort to invest in this relationship hoping things would get better.

Find Out Who Is Responsible

Being in a relationship in your 30s is much realistic and intertwined than in your 20s. If you guys are living together, figure out who will be moving out, who will take custody of the pets (if you have any), or who will be paying off the debts, or any outstanding obligations like rent, car insurance, upcoming vacations and so on. You have to settle these issues as you, and your significant other won’t like to deal with it after the breakup.

Do It for Your Best Interest

Breakups are difficult to cope with as they leave lasting pain and emotional scars in you and your partners’ lives. So, try to control your emotions and don’t let your anger and bitterness take over, at least, not to the extent of damaging bonds you have created while you were in the relationship. We won't deny it takes courage and emotional maturity to have these conversations, but most couples just end the relationship because they don’t even try to do something about, which they regret later.

Take Some Time to Grieve

Breakups are agonizing and difficult to cope, but you will get over a breakup. So, take some time to grieve, focus on yourself and contemplate about the situation. Don’t hesitate to experience anger, sadness, regret about the loss of your partner, and the fear that you won’t find love again. However, don’t exert too much pressure on yourself as it will delay the healing process. Instead, try to figure out what attracted you to start a relationship with this person, why the relationship failed and what part did you play that lead to it. It will help you move forward and start a new relationship.

Take accountability For Your Decisions

Be accountable for your part about why this relationship didn’t meet your expectations. It is important because if you aren’t honest about it, you will end another relationship and blame the other person for it. The grieving process after the breakup is a major step in rebuilding your life, maintaining the best qualities of yourself and using it to search a new person to start a new relationship.


7 Things You Should Avoid After A Breakup

images (1)Breakup – the most unwanted word for any individuals. Sometimes, there is no way you can avoid it. So, it’s better to know how you can deal with it. There are effective ways to deal with your grief that works perfectly and few other things can trigger your sorrow and postpone healing. Never lose heart; time will shallow all of your bitterness from life. You just need to move on, and there will be someone who will respect your feelings and emotions. All of this will be a memory someday.

In this transition period, while dip into sadness, be sure you avoid these DON’T’s. Otherwise, you can end up harming you more.

1) Pretend you’re fine

Let your pain burn you. Cry or punch the pillow, throw away the journal or whatever reliefs you. Spend more time with your friends who care your emotions. You might want to show others that it’s not a matter for you while it is breaking you apart from inside. Be honest with yourself. It’s completely fine to be hurt, angry or humiliated. It’s not always obviously that you are guilty of a punishment.

2) Attached to ex as “Just Friend”

It’s very rare where a breakup lead to a solid friendship unless you’re comfortable when your ex dating someone else or vice versa. If the answer is no; you are not ready to be friend with your ex.
Very rarely can a breakup turned into a solid friendship. If you’re not comfortable with the idea when your ex dating with someone else and vice versa — you’re not ready to be pals. So, keep distance and stand your ground if ex pushing for a friendship.

3) Revenge? Not a solution

Revenge is not an ultimate solution and only lead to bitterness and hatred. Don’t destroy his stuff, kidnap mutual pet or anything that could lead you to any legal trouble. The best thing is to forgive and leave. Spend your valuable energy on individual who deserves it.

4) Continue Communication

However, you broke up in few days, you still want to share thoughts with your ex by calling and texting. You come across any incident that makes you laugh and the first thing you did was texting him/her. Don’t do it now.

But in some cases, it might essential to contact to return any stuff. Make it short and to the point and avoid any conversation that you used to convey in the relationship.

5) Beg for Settlement

Don’t beg him to return. Think deeply, you never wanted a relationship in which you need to beg someone to stay with you. The extra risk is, if your ex rejects you again, it will not just hurts, it will let you even down with more regret and humiliation.

6) Share bed

Never let it happen. Even on her deathbed, no woman will never wish to sleep with her ex-husband for one last time. Be logical and make it clean when you break up.

7) Give up

Don’t let a breakup bogged down you and lose your hope. She or He wasn’t the one and Love is not the experience that comes single time in life. There must be someone who really cares about you and your feelings. Take your time to find out what makes you happy. That could be any social work, spending time with children, any art that you really love. Reading motivational books can also help. Most of all, be confident and believe in you.

It’s very important that you learn from the belated relationship and move forward. Don’t lose hope finding the right match for you and be thankful that you are now free from a bad relationship.


Four Things Women Want in a Relationship

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Men and women are different, so does what each wants from a relationship. And on top of it, every woman is different, and most of the relationship advice you find are for men addressing the unique needs of women and how to treat her. The key to a meaningful and fulfilling relationship is to understand what the woman in your life wants and if you can understand it, then both of you can have a happy relationship.

Here are the four things women want in a relationship:

1. Get to Know Her Deeply From Your Heart

To be honest, most women confess that while on their first dates, most men want to cut the chase over knowing about them and get them straight to bed. Women hate this because it is just plain wrong to think women only care about sleeping with men and this shows that you’re interested in being in a committed relationship. Instead, be a gentleman; get to know her genuinely by sharing something about yourself, open up to her about your life, your interests, your values and what you want from her.

2. Express Your Love in Her Language

According to Dr. Gary Chapman’s book on marriage counseling, “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts”, there are five emotional languages of love, people express and understand love. They are: saying words of affirmation, spending quality time, receiving gifts, physical touch and performing the acts of service. Once you find your partner’s love language, express your love to her by using it the way to she’s responds to it emotionally.

3. The Only Way to Have Her Heart is Empathy

When dealing with relationships, they best advice for men is to master the skill of being empathetic to their partners. Deep inside women’s desire to be heard and understood by their partners. They want their boyfriends and husbands to listen to them and express how vulnerable they are in a comfortable environment without being judged. You know you lack empathy when your girlfriend or wife tells you, “I only want you to listen,” or “You don’t understand what I say to you.” She feels alone and lost when you don’t understand her, or that she can’t trust you in solving her problems. Showing real empathy makes her feel that you both are a team, and determined to do anything to face any challenges life throws at you.

4. Up Your Romance Game

Most women have complained that they feel alone and rejected because their partners aren’t intimate with them emotionally as well as physically. This is the last thing to happen to the woman before she ends her relationship with you. To prevent this, prove to her that you can do it. Let her know that she can rely on you not only for emotional intimacy, but for physical intimacy too. Be intimate with her, tell you love her when she wakes up in the morning, and kiss her when you come home, tell her she’s beautiful, surprise her with a love letter, give her a massage, plan a romantic date night now and then and keep that romantic fire burning.

The bottom line is, women want their partners to make them feel safe, be sexy and noticed. Think and try to do the things that make the woman in your life feel special and your relationship worthwhile.