All posts by Dating Guru

6 Personality Traits You Should Have If You Are Looking For Love

No two people are the same, and that includes men. When it comes to dating and relationships, every individual has a different set of priorities and traits that they want to see in a partner. Often we hear this like he or she has a certain type. Some guys like blonde women, some guys want a sexy girl with an attitude and so on. The same applies to women like some like tall men and some like ambitious men. But, it isn’t like that all the time. Sometimes, we can feel comfortable with a particular type of women that we keep coming back for more. But, if you want to have a healthy, long-term relationship, you need to look for some specific personality traits in your potential partner. Just because she’s your type doesn’t mean that she’s the right person for you.

These are the few character traits that every man should look for in a woman:

  1. Honesty

This is a big one and should be at the top of the list. Honesty is the glue that keeps the relationship from falling apart. It’s harmless if you tell white lies to your partner sometimes, but a complete lack of trust is a big red flag. If your partner is honest with you and doesn’t like to you now and then, you have a keeper.

  1. Trustworthy

Trust is also an important trait to look for while looking for a girlfriend. Trust is extremely fragile. Once trust in a relationship is broken, it will take forever to repair. And even if it’s repaired, it can never retain its form again. Remember, trust takes years to build, but only a few second to destroy it.

  1. Caring

Caring is easier than you think. Some people like to portray a tough personality because they want to avoid getting hurt. But, being able to care for someone just makes you more human. However, this caring attitude shouldn’t only be confined to you. If your girlfriend cares for you, herself and other people around her, then think about having a serious relationship with her.

  1. Genuine

No one is without any mistakes, and no one is a saint. We all have our fair share of positives and negatives. But, in today’s day and age, it’s better to date someone who is genuine, yet bad rather than someone who is good but fake. Dealing with unwanted surprises isn’t a part of a serious relationship.

  1. Understanding

You can’t have a happy and long-lasting marriage or relationship if you and your spouse aren’t on the same page. The woman you are dating might seem like a perfect match for you, but if she fails or can’t understand you and what feels important to you, it’s safe to say that your romantic relationship will be an eventual failure.

  1. Paternal instincts

There are two aspects of why people want to be in committed relationships. One; companionship and two; get married to have children. You want to choose a woman, who will be not only a great girlfriend and wife but also someone who will be a good mother to your kids as well.

It’s Difficult To Let Go Of The Person You Love, But Not Impossible

Nothing feels worse than the physical pain of losing the person you loved. Your heart is broken, and the feelings of loneliness, despair, and hopelessness overwhelm us. If falling in love is the most joyous and wonderful feeling in the world, then letting go of the love is the most terrible feeling one can experience in this world. Letting go of the person you love is not easy, but it is not impossible either. You have to let go of the love that is holding you back and move on with your life. That’s how things work in this world.

Here are three ways you can let go of the love that is holding you back and move on, even when your heart is tearing apart:

  1. Ask yourself how persistent you are to do this

Before making any life changing decisions, ask yourself if you are determined enough actually to break up with your girlfriend. If you aren’t steadfast, you won’t be able to accomplish something so challenging like letting go of the person you loved. It’s imperative that you think long and hard before making this big life alternating decision. Ask yourself again if you ready to do this? Think if there is something in the relationship or within yourself that can be worked out? Pose yourself the question whether you are strong and confident enough to go through with this? If you have said, “yes” to any one or all of these questions, then perhaps you should take some time for yourself before you start this process. Everything gets healed by time, and if you give yourself some time, you will come back much stronger and fully ready to make this challenging task a success.

  1. Cut her loose

We all need “closure” at the end of any romantic relationship. It’s that last conversation where both parties get the chance of what they want to say and tell they understand each other and walk away as friends. But, love or hate it, to me closure is a myth. A closure is your last chance to spend time with your partner and talk to her that you still love her and still have feelings for her. Think of it this way, if you and your partner both have a meaningful conversation and finally understand each other, what’s holding you to be a couple again? So, when you realized that the relationship has come to an end, just cut her loose. Block your partner on your phone, on social media and don’t go to events or places where you think you can bump into her. Getting rid of all kinds of contact with her will make the process easier and less complicated.

  1. Ask yourself what you need to let your girlfriend go and move on

This is important. If there has been some problems in your relationship and decided to end it, ask yourself what is that you need to let go of your partner and move on? For some people it's anger. They want to leave the relationship because she didn’t feel respected. Some men claim that they had hopes and dreams, but their existing relationship made it difficult to achieve their hopes and dreams. So, they quit the relationship. So, ask yourself what you will achieve in your life if you let your girlfriend go?

Are You Still Single? Maybe It Is Because Of Your Pet!

Most people think getting a pet will deepen their commitment as a couple when they are in a serious relationship. You can learn plenty of valuable skills by nurturing a pet animal. Taking care of a pet is shared responsibility. Through sharing each other’s responsibilities, couples can hone their communication skills, learn how to work in a team, and learn to compromise. All of these are qualities essential if you want to have a happy, healthy and long-lasting relationship. A recent study has reported that couples who owned pet were closer and were able to handle stress better than couples who didn’t have any pets.

But, that’s for people who are already in a relationship. What if that you are still single? What if we told you maybe you are single because of the pet you keep in your home? Is your pet keeping you single? It might be. Having a pet will increase your chances of landing a date. You already know that if you take your dog or puppy for a walk, the girls will flock to you. And, there are ladies out there who have said that they found men who took picture or selfies with their cat charming! Can’t be really sure about that, but we hope that’s true.

However, there are some pets out there that will seriously lower your chances of meeting someone for a date. And if you happen to have this pet, no one will dare to the date you. So, what are those pets? Apparently, it’s been reported that people who have spiders and reptiles as pets have a harder time finding love. We hope most of you won’t find this surprising as spiders and reptiles are kind of creepy!

According to a survey by Woodstream, pets do play a much bigger role when it comes to dating and relationships than previously thought. Woodstream conducted a study on 1,000 people about their pets and asked them if they started dating someone or ended their relationship because of a pet. Among the participants, 70 percent were dog owners and 50 percent owned cats. When asked what type of pets’ people found to be the scariest, 66 percent of men said spiders. For women, it was higher with 77 percent saying the same. The pets list included reptiles, mice, bees, snakes, hamsters, ferrets and so on. But, spiders topped the list of creepiest pets to have. So, if you have spiders as a pet for some reason, no one will date you. And when it comes to second dates, it appears that your spiders are ruining your dating life. The survey reported that people who have spiders as pets are most likely fail to be asked for a second date.

So, when it comes to dating, don’t dismiss the idea that pets don’t matter because they really do! Therefore, if have a spider as a pet, it’s better for you to get rid of it and have something else. Or, don’t include it in your online dating profile or Tinder profile.  That way it will be a lot easier for you to meet women for a date.

Just Because A Woman Is Polyamorous Doesn’t Mean That You Can’t Date Her!

Most people misunderstood polyamorous relationships. They think that people who are in polyamorous relationships are swingers or are just collecting husbands or wives. But, that’s not entirely accurate. Most people just don’t understand polyamorous relationships. For folks who aren't familiar with polyamory is that it is having an intimate and committed relationship with more than one partner.  In most circumstances, men and women, who are in polyamorous relationships, have partners who are also in committed relationships with others.

Most folks call couples in polyamorous relationships “swingers” or “clingy casual daters” or “polygamists.” But, the truth is they are mostly wrong, and all above are real relationships, and people decided to be in these kinds of relationships.

So, why do some people decide to be polyamorous? Well, we will try to answer this by focusing on a woman’s perspective. Women, who choose to be polyamorous usually, had a normal relationship and marriage. But, these women were unhappy in their marriages. In other words, they were in a bad marriage. After getting divorced, many jumped into a new relationship way too fast. This is a huge mistake they made. As a result, they became highly dependent on their new boyfriend, and they never allowed themselves to regain their personality which they lost in their past marriages.

When their new relationship failed, and after taking some time from dating and completely focused on themselves. After healing from their painful and shameful events of their past relationships, they came to realize that it’s not possible for them to be in monogamous relationships. They realized that they found it challenging to have deep connections with only one person. Nurturing deep emotional and intimate connections with more than one partner makes them comfortable, and it doesn't bother them. Women, who are in polyamorous relationships, enjoy being important to someone and at the same time feel less stressed as their spouses are their “everything.”  Polyamorous women love that they have someone they love and care about, but they don’t want to be at the beck and call of their partners for fulfilling their every relationship wants and needs. Their lives feel more fulfilled when they can share thoughts and feelings with several other people. People might say that it’s cheating, but what they tend to forget is that polyamorous men and women are actually okay with seeing their partners seeing other people and they encourage it too.

So, why is that people find polyamorous relationships shocking? Is it because polyamory isn't understood well enough? Is it that people find sharing your life with someone who is also in a committed relationship with someone else besides you uncomfortable?

We don’t see people complaining about one-night stands, arranged marriages, infidelities, or same-sex relationships. What is inherently wrong with a woman who has decided to have committed relationships with multiple partners? Let’s also make one thing clear that sometimes polyamorous relationships aren’t always sexual. But, in our society, we accept people who are having one-night stands or cheating on their partners, but things get weird if we want to commit ourselves to more than one partner. We can conclude by saying that people find polyamorous relationships uncomfortable because they aren’t familiar with the lifestyle.

Be Aware Of The New And Scary Dating Trend “Kittenfishing”

If worrying about being catfished wasn’t enough, a new trend in online dating has emerged, and it’s even scarier than being catfished. It’s called” kittenfished” and people who use dating apps need to be careful about it. So, what is kittenfishing? In short, Kittenfishing is a less offensive act which involves misrepresentation of information on a dating profile. So, kittenfishing is the smaller cousin of catfishing. Thus, it’s called kittenfishing as a kitten is smaller than a cat.

Anyways, for most people, it will take a few minutes to understand why any guy or a girl looking for a potential partner online would care about kittenfishing. What I am trying to tell here is that kittenfishing appears to be was less dramatic than catfishing, at least on paper. However, when you learn more about this shady little tactic, it will surely scare you, even more than catfishing. The act of kittenfishing is all telling little white lies while dating online.

Men and women, who are kittenfishing don’t completely pretend to be someone else, but they do tell some lies while getting to know each other and those little lies can actually jeopardize a potential relationship. For example, you can upload pictures of yourself when you looked fit and were 20 pounds lighter. You could tell your potential match that you are a college graduate, but in reality, you are a college dropout and never bothered to finish college. Imagine a girl you liked online telling you that she’s 25 years old, whereas she’s actually 30. These lies aren’t that serious, but I am sure that you will be startled to find out the truth regardless. Nobody likes to be lied to! But, things get even worse is that this is very common when it comes to online dating, and most people don’t even realize that they are doing it, and it’s a wrong thing to do. What they don’t realize that they will be rejected if the person they have been dating online decides to meet him or her in person when they see that the person isn’t as tall or skinny as they have been told. And it’s downright sad.

Nonetheless, it’s the dating app Hinge that has coined this new term and has compiled some actual data of users who are kittenfishing. According to Hinge says 38 percent of men and 24 percent of women admitted that they had kittenfished before. But, only a mere 2 percent of men stated that they had kittenfished someone else. For the ladies, it’s even less at only 1 percent. These figures don’t seem accurate giving the fact catfishing or kittenfishing is rampant when it comes to online dating. It means that people don’t know they are doing it or they are simply too embarrassed to admit it. Damn!

So, there you have it. This is what kittenfishing is all about. It’s true that it’s difficult to avoid being kittenfished while looking for a partner online, but at least you can do your part to stop doing it at your end while dating online.

2 Ways Millennials Have Made Marriage Better

Many people tell love is dead these days. Is it really? Hardly so. So, why is that a lot of people have given up on love? Why have a lot of people have given up on marriage or lost hope on marriage? Did we forget how to love someone unconditionally? According to a recent poll, it’s been reported that one in eight adults, especially women, have given up on finding true love or love, whatever you may want to call it. Some have given up on relationships! But the truth is many people are still finding love. It’s just that we are finding it later in life.

The traditional rules of love, relationships and marriage have changed. We don’t marry someone we don’t know. We don’t get married early; we wait until we get our shit together. All of these are hardly bad news for love and marriage. In fact, it’s good news. And love isn’t something that we should give up. And believe it or not, the young generations are keeping that fight for love alive, especially when it comes to marriage. It’s common to blame the millennial for everything from soaring college debt to skyrocketing living costs, but the truth is millennial have done some amazing things for love and marriage, and we all can get benefit from it.

Below are two ways millennial have actually improved marriage:

  1. People don’t marry because society says so anymore

People marry for the same old reasons. Sometimes, it because of love, or to consolidate resources, or for convenience, and sometimes for all the three reasons we listed above. But, during the old days, our grandparents and parents married so much younger than us. Why? Well, you already know about it because the society told them so. During those societal norms were so judgmental or weird that people were made to feel bad and frowned upon if they weren't married by 25. These you can decide to get married or not get married in your 20s, 30s, 40s, or 50s or even later without society's judgment. It means that people nowadays marry for the right reasons and they have no obligation to live up to outdated societal norms. It also means that people don’t have to settle for bad sex, abuse or poor communication in the marriages which were quite rampant back then.

  1. We now take time to discover ourselves

Before when people got married, they had to let go of their hopes and dreams, particularly women, like travel the world, go to graduate school, have a career, etc. Today, the new generation is getting married later, and this trend has a both suffering and benefiting side. As young people are getting married, later most of them are affected by depression and loneliness, but they feel benefited as they don’t have to experience the pain of unhappy marriages and divorce. But marrying later in life also means that we more time to discover ourselves and what we really want in life. Marrying older and later also means that we are better equipped and more self-aware to enter into lasting love and happiness. Marrying older and later also means we are more likely to find a partner who's truly right for us.

How To Get Over Your Ex After Breaking Up, So You Don’t Go Back To Her

Anyone who has been in a relationship is familiar with this. You have ended the relationship with your partner but can’t move on from the painful experience. The whole world tells us to move on, but there is something that is making us stay. We keep yearning for our former lovers, and this has made our lives difficult and unhappy. Moving on after a break up is easier said than done.

If the relationship is new or if you and your girlfriend are still sexually attracted to each other, it’s safe to say that what the two of you are experiencing is an addiction. During that stage, our bodies are filled with natural chemicals that are most often mistaken for love. In fact what we are feeling is lust or infatuation. It can cloud our ability to make better judgments and will compel us to make decisions that might become disastrous later in the relationship. If you see that you don’t have that extreme passion for your partner which you had during the early days of dating, but you still feel stuck, you will have to look deeper within yourself and get rid of the ties that are binding you. Why? Because it will help you to get over your ex and find new love again.

All of us carry unresolved experiences from the past. They have manifested deep within ourselves and defined who we are as individuals. These unresolved experiences could range from past relationships to early family life. If we don’t address these old hurts or ignore them, we might continue to have unhealthy patterns in our lives that won’t do us any good. You might believe that you have moved on from your ex-girlfriend who broke up or left you without any good reasons, but your body didn’t forget it. It’s still there somewhere. It’s just that you can’t find it. It’s important for you to get over your ex as this will prevent you to return to her, and move on with your life.

So, how can you get your ex and move on? First, consider taking a break from dating. We suggest that you avoid dating for at least a month. During this time take steps in rebuilding your confidence by getting involved in physical activities such as sports. Take care of yourself, treat yourself with gifts, take a vacation, do something that you always wanted to do, and so on.

The second thing you can do is get rid of the anger. It’s okay for you and your partner to feel angry and resentful. But, the things both of you have made mistakes which have compelled both of you to end the relationship. So, calm down and let go of the anger. Now forgive each other. Forgiveness fosters humility, gratitude, and understanding between two people. Forgiveness will help you both of you to forget the differences among you which will help you to find new love again.

When we love someone deeply, we find ourselves obsessed with our former lovers after a breakup. This unhealthy and it will not help you to get over your ex and move on. So, to make things easy for you create a list of your ex’s faults, look at the list and ask yourself why things she did wrong and why she isn’t the right person for you. Now, try to forget them slowly and try to fall in love again.

Every Couple in Happy Relationships Have These 4 Types Of Intimacy

Intimacy in relationships is easily misunderstood and complicated both for new lovers and to those who are in committed relationships. Most couples have admitted that they have misinterpreted and misunderstood the motives and desires of their partners at times. The definition of intimacy and what it really means is different for every person, and it’s common to see incorrect assumptions between partners when it comes to intimacy in relationships. The thing to remember is that those discrepancies can severely affect the outcomes and expectations partners have each other in the relationship.

Here are the four different four kinds of intimacy people need in a relationship, and the lack of anyone of these can rock the foundation of the relationship:

  1. Physical Intimacy

Most people associate intimacy in a romantic relationship with physical touch. This kind of intimacy is the easiest to talk about because both partners are familiar with it. But, despite it, we have found that couples, both new and established, aren’t able to communicate honestly about it with each other, especially sexual intimacy. The main reason here is that they are afraid that talking about it offend or make the other partner feel uncomfortable. As a result, many couples lack a strong physical connection with their partners. We have found couples who honestly talk about their physical intimacy have a strong bond with each other, in spite of some issues in other parts of their relationship.

  1. Emotional Intimacy

Emotional intimacy is an essential basis for trust and comfort in a relationship. The importance and role of emotional intimacy to have a healthy, happy relationship must precede any other intimate connection. Emotional intimacy in the relationship can be nurtured if a partner tracks, understands, and supports the emotional experience of the other partner. Emotional intimacy ensures that all other intimate interactions in the relationship are safe. Only through emotional intimacy that a couple can genuinely understand, accept and support each other.

  1. Mental Intimacy

When couples can share their most intimate thoughts, emotions, feelings, motivations, and inspirations, they can create an environment that makes them feel like they are living in each other’s minds. When partners feel that their ideas, views, and opinions genuinely matter to the each other, they become more open and more vulnerable.

  1. Spiritual Intimacy

Spirituality is the belief that there is something greater than you and that kind of faith humbles and enriches the human spirit. Spirituality is all about what gives you meaning and purpose in life, and how would you share it with the person you love. Couples, who are in committed relationship, should be motivated and they should motivate each other to practice spiritual intimacy as it will help them to attain solidarity and closeness, which they can’t achieve in other intimate way or any other way. The best place to do it under a waterfall in a beautiful and serene forest or a place of worship. While practicing spirituality, it is crucial to capture an ordinary sense of wonder, while feeling protected and inspired at the same time.  When both partners understand and can intimately communicate each other's thoughts and feelings, they can to respond to each other’s needs and wants more accurately and quickly.

Always Choose A Relationship Therapist That’s Right For You

If you are having issues in your relationship, choosing to see a relationship therapist is a courageous decision. The sooner you seek help from a relationship therapist the better, given the fact some couples wait up to six years before they decide to see a therapist. Studies also show that the sooner you take assistance from a relationship therapist the better are your chances of having a good result. But, many couples find it challenging on how to choose a relationship therapist or a couple’s therapist that right for them.

There are two ways to find a good relationship therapist:

  1. Ask someone you know and trust for a referral. This person can be a friend, coworker, doctor or your attorney, who is already in relationship therapy or had one in the past and had good results.
  1. Search online. Many directories list relationship therapists. But, we recommend you check Find A Therapist or Psychology Today, The National Registry for Marriage Friendly Therapists and so on.

Once you've chosen a relationship or couples therapist, there are some specific things you need to focus on in the first appointment.

  1. You should feel safe and comfortable with the therapist’s behavior and personality. He or she should be warm, welcoming and friendly. He or she shouldn’t make you feel at ease and not stress you out. He or she should be reassuring and confident and help you to improve your relationships and resolves the issues. Plus, a relationship therapist should also be able to explain about his or her work process and what you can expect. The therapists should be capable of answering all of your questions.
  1. Your relationship therapist apart from helping in resolving your relationship problems; should also help you to move forward. He or she should be compassionate and caring to you and your partner. He or she should be active in trying to help and should have the ability to communicate clearly with the both of you. The therapist should effectively structure and design the sessions so that the two of you feel safe and held. A good therapist will challenge both of you about your contributions or role in the problem without bias. The therapist should take into consideration your cultural upbringing, gender, and religious beliefs before giving out any relationship advice. He or she should be well-aware of problems like depression, anxiety, substance abuse, anger or any kind of illnesses.
  1. Bear in mind that relationship therapy is not a quick fix in general. Relationship therapy also doesn’t take as long as individual therapy, and within just 4-6 sessions, it’s expected that you will have a much better understanding of your relationship with your significant other. Within that period you will notice that your communications skills are better than ever which it necessary to experience deeper connection and intimacy with your partner. However, if you see that your relationship is in a much bigger crisis than what you previously anticipated, you and your spouse can opt for longer sessions. And despite expressing your concerns and having all the required sessions, if you still see the difficulties in your relationship, it might be that this relationship therapist is not right for you and you need to for a new one.

How To Find That Person You Want To Have An Exclusive Relationship With

Seeing reality TV shows such as The Bachelor and The Bachelorette still going strong, as a culture, we have turned the search for true love into a competition, entertainment, and a game. But, what really we need to know about what actually happened after the two people found each other. We need to follow the stories and examples of other successful couples of what it takes to make love last in the long-term.  We need to know how they stay in committed and monogamous relationships, and how they grow and thrive in their relationships.

Here are some relationship talks on how to find the person you want to have a monogamous relationship with:

Do it for yourself

You can’t have a monogamous relationship because that’s what your parents or your friends or your partner want. You have to decide for yourself of what kind of relationship do you want. Pinpoint your own reasons for wanting to be monogamous. It might be religious or spiritual, may be you want to be loyal to your spouse, or you just want to be committed in your relationship for your personal growth. Maybe you are curious to discover what can happen to you if you focus all of your love and affection on one woman. Regardless of what the reasons are if you want your monogamous relationship to be healthy and successful in the long-term, it’s important to take responsibility for your choice and learn how to locate the person you want to have an exclusive relationship with. Remember, monogamy isn’t the only choice you are left. You made a choice because you wanted it. Be yourself and ask for what you want.

Be careful in choosing your partner

Many people decide to have a monogamous relationship because they happened to meet someone who felt decent and is looking for a monogamous relationship, too. This is the right approach for choosing a partner to be in a long-term monogamous relationship. If you are committed to staying monogamous, you need to find a woman who inspires you, shares your sense of humor, and has a positive, profound effect on your body, mind, and heart in many ways. If you are in a relationship and begin to compare your girlfriend with others and keep thinking that it would if she was different in this way or that way, it’s safe that you aren’t fully ready to be in a monogamous relationship.

Understand your own sexual desires

We live in a culture that is obsessed with beauty and attractive people. No matter how appealing or attractive your girlfriend is, you will desire other girls out there. Dedicating your love and sight to only one person doesn’t seem realistic. Our culture encourages you to see others and other people to see you. You must be absolutely honest about a monogamous relationship, and make sure no matter how attractive, or sexual other women are around you, you will shift your focus back to your partner. And that can happen is if you learn how to respond to your own sexual desires in ways that feel right to you.