Category Archives: Ex Recovery

5 Ways You Can Overcome Your Pain Of A Breakup

People tell you that you’re in a happy relationship. Why? Simple. Because you’ve been dating for several weeks, months or even years. Now that your relationship has ended, it feels like everything you’ve ever known is falling apart. Even worse, you can’t figure out the reason why the relationship ended. So, how do you deal with a breakup that came out of the blue?

Below are five things that may help you cope with this:

It’s perfectly natural to obsess over something we don’t have enough information about. Your partner breaking up with you without giving much information is a perfect example. You keep thinking about the relationship and try to find out what happened and why it ended. Talking with a close friend about it can be helpful. It’s a part of grieving, and that’s exactly what you’re doing here. Though it is fine for you to be obsessive about the demise of your relationship, keep in mind, not to get stuck in it.

Just because you lost your significant another, doesn’t mean that no one loves you. Reconnect with your friends and family members. You need them during this crucial time. You need your friends with who you can laugh, talk, cry and they can ultimately cheer you on and support you to get over your ex and move on from this unfortunate chapter of your life.

Write About It
If you recently experienced a breakup, writing about it can help you ease the pain. When we write about something that makes little sense, particularly about our bad events and other things in life like our childhood, our health, etc., and we feel less haunted. If we desensitize our pain using some of the perspectives, it doesn’t affect our lives like it did before, which is a significant development in the healing process.

Pursue Your Goals
Distracting yourself from the grief and the negativity of your past relationship is a great approach in the healing process. Get active. Do something that you like and wanted to do for a long time but didn’t have the time to do it. Buy a bicycle. Learn how to cook. Go for a hike in the woods. Train for a marathon. Get involved in an activity that is unrelated to your previous relationship. Pursuing a new skill, goal or interest will not only distract you from obsessing about your past relationship, but it will also make you aware of the fact there is more to life than your breakup.

Let Go Of The Need To Know
Are you still thinking about all the excuses your partner gave you why he or she decided to end the relationship? Are you driving yourself crazy over the fact that maybe there is a much deeper and darker reason why this person broke up with you? Do you overly think that if you’ve known it, you and your partner could have done something about it and saved the relationship? You may never know the true intentions and the reasons it did not work out and to speak honestly, it doesn’t matter. So, let go of it.

Sometimes love ends, and it ends without any explanation or reason. So, let go of it and move forward, and find someone new, who sees you as loving and beautiful, both inside and out.

8 Things You Should Avoid During a Breakup

Breakups are hard and dealing with them is even more challenging. When you’ve dated someone for a while, and all of a sudden he or she decides to end things with you, it may feel like you’ve been hit by a bus. You could feel angry, disappointed and resentful towards your ex. Some men and women blame themselves for the demise of their relationship, despite that it’s nobody’s fault. Maybe he or she didn’t feel attracted or interested towards you any longer or the love wasn’t there in the first place.

Having said that, if you’ve recently experienced a breakup, regardless of whether you’re the dumper or the one who got dumped, here are some things you should avoid saying or doing during a breakup. Read on to find out:

1. Don’t say to your ex that you never loved him or her. Be honest with yourself and don’t be overly dramatic. Breakups are painful. Deep down you’re hurt because you did love him or her.

2. Don’t say to your ex that you both can be friends. Just ask yourself why you want to be friends with someone who broke your heart? It may be awkward initially after the breakup and will take time for this to happen. Besides, most men and women want to be friends with exes in the hope that they might reconcile. However, this isn't always the case.

3. Don’t curse or give threats like wishing him or her to die alone, and so on. It’s wrong and speaks poorly about your character. So, forgive, and take the high road. Rather, keep these toxic thoughts to yourself.

4. Don’t say or do things like, ‘if there’s anything that I can do or say to give this relationship a second chance.’ Statements like these make you feel desperate. If someone made his or her decision to end the relationship, the most sensible and respectful thing for you to do now is to accept it. Besides, never ask him or her to marry you. It will look like you’re begging for love.

5. Don’t utter hurtful comments and insults like, ‘my friends hated you; you’re a bad kisser,' to your ex after breaking up with you. It appears immature. Be kind and classy.

6. If you’ve been in a relationship for a while and living together, don’t ask your partner if you can still live with him or her, until you can find a new place to live. And trust me you too don’t want to be that close to him or her after the breakup.

7. Don’t blame yourself in front of your ex for the breakup. Self-deprecation in most circumstances is insincere and staged.

8. Don’t confuse your partner by telling him or her that you need space. Most men and women initiate a breakup by saying that they need some space. If you want to terminate the relationship, be clear about it, and let your partner know.

It’s for your psychological and physical well-being that you don’t obsess about the breakup and try to move on. Forgive you ex and don’t hold any grudge or negativity against the one who got away, find someone new to love and focus on the future.

Holding Onto an Old Relationship Can Make You Sick and Feel Hopeless

Sometimes forgiving someone who has wronged or hurt you is right for you. If you’ve been in a relationship and he or she breaks up with you, it’s perfectly natural to resent and hold a grudge against that person for the tremendous pain they caused you. However, holding a grudge will do more harm to you and usually doesn't hurt the person who caused the heartbreak.

Bitterness and resentment can make you physically sick. Bitterness and resentment can cause psychological and emotional stress and illness. If you persistently keep replaying your breakup incident over and over again in your head, thinking about all the things you could have said and done, you will become stressed and consumed by this. It may disrupt your sleep pattern and overshadow your daily conversations. None of this is good for your physical and social well-being.

If you don’t let go of the pain from your previous relationship, it could spoil your chances of finding a new one. It’s because being angry and resentful of your ex will make you overly defensive with other people because you’re afraid of being rejected and hurt again. You always feel conflicted and unable to commit to a new relationship, and remain depressed and anxious.

Therefore, if you want a fresh start with someone new, it is critical that you forget the thoughts and feelings of your ex, and give the new person a chance to love you. These three simple steps will help you get started:

1. Refrain from using the word “should” and “shouldn’t” when you’re having a conversation about your ex. For example, ‘he should have done that,' or ‘she shouldn’t talk to me like that’ and so forth. These words will keep you tied to the past, and prevent you from forgiving your ex and moving on. Stressing about what should and shouldn’t have happened won’t change the past.

2. Focus on the present. When you resent someone, you’re focusing all your thoughts and attention on the past and visualizing what would have happened in the future. You ignore the present and what’s in front of you right now. By thinking how the past would have changed your future, you’re putting your current life on hold. It will be a challenge to find happiness or get healed by looking at the past or the future. It’s in the present. So, accept that and be productive.

3. If one door closes, another door opens up. So, take your breakup as an opportunity to be in a new relationship. This is easier said than done, however, the goal is to shift your thoughts into more positive ones. So, get yourself out there in the dating scene and find someone right for you. When you’ve realized the opportunities in each moment, seize it and make it happen.

If you’ve recently experienced a breakup, you need to forget the past to focus on the present. So, don’t hold any anger or grudge towards your ex, and forgive him or her for your own well-being. And the quickest way to forget and ultimately forgive the one who broke up with you is to fill the gap with someone new. Someone right who will make you hopeful and feel alive.

9 Things You Should Never Post on Facebook During A Breakup

Breakups are painful. We feel upset, angry, frustrated and resentful towards our ex. Getting over a breakup is even harder. We keep thinking about our exes all the time, and constantly blaming ourselves for not trying hard to save the relationship. This will make it even tougher for people to move on and be in a relationship.

Then, there is Facebook, Twitter and other social media sites where some men and women use it to let the world know of their single status. These are not necessarily bad things, but posting and sharing just because you wanted to, can be damaging to your personality. Remember these nine simple rules about what not to post online after a breakup.

1. Never stalk your ex on Facebook. Avoid checking his or her Facebook page now and then, and even if you do don’t post or comment anywhere or do anything that will indicate that you were there.

2. Facebook isn’t your diary. Just because you’re life has been turned upside down doesn’t mean you should post all of your sob stories for your friends and people to read. If you want to note down your feelings, use a real diary instead. Cry with a close friend or friends. Don’t use status updates and pictures to declare that you’re having the best or worst time ever. We suggest you avoid using social media for some time after a breakup.

3. Don’t post or share sentimental breakup songs. If you want to listen to them, hear alone.

4. If you have a profile picture with your ex, we suggest you change or remove it. Don’t visit his or her Facebook page or share anything on their wall. Change your relationship status to single.

5. Don’t go into a Facebook rebound by posting photos of you with friends of the opposite sex. Avoid messaging your ex and your single friends telling about your single status. In other words, don’t do or share anything that will make your ex to feel jealous. It will only make you look bad.

6. Don’t get your friends involved in your breakup. Don’t post on their walls that you’ll unfriend him or her if they remain mutual friends with your ex.

7. Don’t post ambiguous notes about your ex. In fact, don’t post any cryptic notes on Facebook or any other social media sites ever. It’s a bad idea to let people know that you’re sad or not in a good emotional state.

8. Don’t post hateful, hurtful or insulting messages directed to your ex or in his or her Facebook wall. Don’t make your ex look miserable in front of other people. Don’t slander and betray your ex’s trust. Always take the high road and keep it classy.

9. Don’t be desperate or beg you ex on Facebook for forgiveness or convince him or her to come back. If you really want to talk with your ex, do it in person.

If you’ve recently broken up with someone, instead of stalking and tormenting your ex and yourself on social media, we suggest you take advantage of to find someone new. Using Facebook and other social media sites should never be used to bash your ex or complain about your life.

How to Figure Out What Went Wrong on Your Date

We all have high hopes and good intentions while going on dates. We look forward our dates will be exciting, fun, and expect something much bigger and important will take place. Well, we live in an imperfect world, dates go bad, and we fail to meet our expectations. There many reasons why a date may turn bad and the most common ones are maybe you, and your date just didn’t click, had no chemistry, perhaps you were too nervous and so forth.

So how do you get over after a dissatisfying date? Read on:

1. Try to pinpoint what went wrong. Often, dates become bad when one of the dates is late, and one or both people were tired and preoccupied with something else. If you find out the reasons your date went bad, it will help not to repeat these things, when you go on a new date.

2. Don’t give up or pass your date so quickly. Some of the great and long-lasting relationships took off with a bad start. Let the dust settle and give your date sometime. If you realize that there is a potential in this relationship, despite the bad start, then give it a second chance.

3. Find out if mutual compatibility was an issue. There is a possibility that you had a bad date because both of you didn’t have the same energy, sense of humor, communication style, same interests and so on. Finding these qualities early on will help you on your future dates.

4. Sometimes dates go bad both parties are immensely nervous, and expectations were very high. It can cause both you and your date to start off the date with the wrong foot and create a bad impression.

5. Be responsible for your role. If your date didn’t take off as expected, then take some responsibility on your part why went wrong on the date. It can’t be that your date was responsible for the lackluster date all along.

6. If you need to apologize – apologize. Maybe you said something offensive or hurtful or passed on an insensitive remark. Maybe you didn’t give the other person full attention or forgot some manners. If that’s the situation, there’s nothing wrong in acknowledging the mistakes.

7. Don’t be too hard or blame yourself or the other person for the lackluster date. If the date didn’t work out, it only didn’t work out. It’s a part of the dating process. Don’t take it personally. You and your partner might be tempted that maybe there’s something wrong with both of you, but it’s not.

8. Showcase your sense of humor. Your ability to laugh at yourself and the bad date experience itself is an important source of energy.

9. Boost your courage. A wrong date might rob you of your enthusiasm and excitement to go on dates. Don’t give up on yourself, and who knows your next date will find the greatest one you will have!

Human natures are imperfect. Acknowledge imperfection as part of the dating process. Few dates, even the best ones hardly go flawlessly, and almost so-called great dates are full of flaws. So, lighten up, stop blaming yourself, get out in the dating scene, find someone you like and don’t ever get obsessed with being a perfectionist.

7 Reasons You Shouldn’t Be Friends With Your Ex After Breakup

Breakups are never easy. They make us feel depressed, angry, insecure and resentful to out former partners. Some men and women suggest that being friends with your ex after the end of the relationships will ease the pain. Then some folks tell newly single men and women to get involved in a new relationship immediately after a breakup to get over the heartbreak.

Whether it’s effective or not, that’s a whole new thing to discuss, but right now, we are asking is should you be friends with your ex? Here are seven reasons why it’s a never a good idea to be buddies with your ex:

1. Hanging out with your ex can be compared to mental torture. He does something or says funny that makes you smile or laugh. You’re missing him or her, so you badly want to kiss or hug them, but you can’t. Why let yourself go through all that mental torture?

2. If you hope that being friends with your ex will help you reconcile? Well, that’s false hope, and it’s not going to happen. And even if it happens, the relationship won’t last.

3. Changing your past is impossible. You’ve been a couple, and have been physically intimate with each other. You’ve seen each other naked. Well, friends don’t do that, and the opposite sex has never seen each other naked. Besides, it also gets awkward for his or her friends. They all know you both dated each other. They saw your public display of affection or ‘PDA.' So, they find it confusing that you and your ex are hanging out and going to parties, not as a couple but friends.

4. You want to go to his or her wedding? No! Then you can’t be friends with your ex. Real friends don’t do that.

5. You want to be friends with your ex, but you don’t want him or her to date again. It appears that there is a conflict of interest between the two of you, and you’re getting too much involved in your friend’s love life. That’s not okay. Real friends want each other be happy.

6. You’ve no interest in sharing your personal life with your ex. If you share it, you feel uneasy. That’s not what real friends do. They talk and share their personal lives with each other.

7. You being friends with your ex is unhealthy. You’re heartbroken. You feel depressed and frustrated. So, why not utilize your time and effort into something that’s more productive that will make you happy? Why are spending your time with someone who hurt you, and inflicted a lot of pain in your heart? It’s even worse to sulk over your ex and your past relationship if you broke up because your ex cheated or has been physically and mentally abusive to you.

Get over your ex and move on. Find someone new whose character, values, opinions, and interests are compatible with you. Being friends with your ex isn’t only a huge drain on your time and energy, the outcome isn’t optimistic at all. So, get yourself out there in the dating scene and find someone.

Is Dating Someone New A Good Approach To Get Over Your Ex?

So you’ve just ended your relationship with your partner, and thinking what are you going to do next? Will you wait to get over your ex and will you find someone new and begin a new relationship ASAP? Some men and women believe that if they start dating again after breaking up, it will help them get over their pain quickly. But is it a good step? Read on to find out:

Merits of dating someone new right away

1. It keeps your distracted and stops you from thinking about your ex all the time. Dating someone new is the best way to do it.

2. It’s fun and exciting to get into dating again. Meeting, flirting and mingling with new people will boost your confidence and ego. Getting attention from the opposite sex will hone your flirting skills too. Also, meeting new folks will enrich your life.

Demerits of dating someone new right away

1. You risk repeating the same mistakes again. You won't learn from your past mistakes, if you rush into a new relationship soon after a breakup. If you don’t think about the mistakes which lead to the demise of your previous relationship, you risk repeating the same mistakes all over again. Also, if you rush into a new relationship, there is a chance you will dating someone who isn’t right for you. Instead, think what worked and what didn’t and what can you learn from it, so that you can have a much healthier relationship and everlasting love the next time.

2. You won’t have a chance to grieve for your past relationship. You should acknowledge the loss of a relationship. When you rush into a new relationship as soon as you ended things, it appears like the breakup is nothing to you. Concealing your feelings and never talking about them isn’t healthy. You’ll feel better and less burdened if you grief over your failed relationship or marriage. We understand it’s sad and not fun, but it definitely one of the best ways to help you get over your past relationship and your ex and move on.

3. You won’t have time to build up your self-esteem and confidence. When you’re meeting someone new, you want to feel good and confident. If you’ve broken up recently, this won’t be possible. Getting over your ex after a breakup takes time. If you really want to rebuild your self-esteem and confidence, we suggest you follow your interests and passion and do things you always wanted to do. Go hiking, take a vacation, get that promotion, lose some weight, change your lifestyle, etc. This way, you will feel confident and be ready to meet new singles.

Breakups aren’t easy. Getting over your ex takes time. It doesn’t happen overnight. Also, you shouldn’t have a relationship with someone who isn’t right for you, just because you hate being alone. The demise of a relationship makes us angry, pained, depressed, frustrated and resentful to our exes. But, it’s also an opportunity to learn something new, and avoid the mistakes that you won’t repeat in your next relationship. Hoping into a new relationship immediately after a breakup won’t help you do it. Perhaps, take your time and prepare yourself to know how to impress a girl to be your girlfriend.

The Five Worst Ways to Get Dumped By Your Partner

Breaking up is never easy. Breakups are one of the worse things to happen while being in a relationship. Sometimes we think the mental pain and emotional distress that we experience while breaking up with someone or getting dumped is more that hopelessness and depression we face when we single. Most men and women think that while getting dumped or breaking up, the receiver gets more pain than the one who dismisses the relationship. But, that’s not true, and it’s painful on both sides. Even worse, the person who breaks up with someone has to live with the guilt and it can be very hard to deal.

However, compassion is the key if you want to minimize the guilt, pain, anger and resentment on both sides, if you’ve decided to end the relationship. Here are five ways you should never think of doing when ending a relationship:

1. Telling someone else to do it. Some folks ask their friends to this unholy task for them. Asking somebody else to break up with your partner isn’t only cowardly; it’s disrespectful to the receiver. Do it yourself and be prepared for the backlash that follows it – like a mature man.

2. Breaking up with a text message. It’s a lovely gesture to cute texts like, ‘I love you,' ‘Missing you,' etc. But, it’s whole different thing when you text your significant other saying that ‘We can’t see or be with each other anymore.' It is cruel and regretful. If you’ve decided to end the relationship with him or her, take a deep breath, man up, pick up the phone and call him or her instead.

3. The sticky note. This one is similar to breaking up with someone you love over a text message, except this time you are using a sticky note, instead of a cell phone. Writing a small note on a piece of a yellow paper and placing it on your partner‘s television o fridge, saying, ‘We can’t see or be with each other anymore,' is one of the worst and cowardly acts you can do. Have some integrity for yourself, and do it yourself. Don’t let a piece of yellow paper do it for you.

4. Breaking up on Facebook. Most men and women want to see an adorable and affectionate message by their girlfriend or boyfriends on their Facebook wall. But, breaking up with your partner on by posting a breakup message on his or her Facebook wall is something most will never get over. Even worse, if your friends or other people ‘liking’ it!

5. Getting disappeared. Getting disappeared or lost and not having a conversation with your significant other might be the worst way to end a relationship. Period. Breaking up with somebody you had a relationship with, is totally unacceptable. Face your fears, be courageous, be humble and break up with some compassion.

The takeaway from this discussion makes people understand it’s wrong and unacceptable to break up with your girlfriend or boyfriend in the following ways. Have some compassion, dignity, courage and empathy to break up with someone and face it like a man! Make your choice rightfully, unless you really in love after months and want your ex back.

Four Relationship Habits That Keep You Away From Long Term Success

Apparently, there aren’t any bad behaviors that keep someone away from being in a relationship. Usually, it’s an idealized perception of relationships that makes it a fantasy dream that never comes true. And it’s the unwillingness to get out from that fantasy land that is what keeps them people single.

But, some relationship experts refute it. Below are four relationship behaviors that might keep some men and women without any partners. Read on to find out:

1. You Are Invasive. Are you persistently asked by people to keep your voice down or give somebody else a chance to speak? Did you find yourself in situations where you’re trying to connect to individuals in spite of seeing them busy and unwilling to talk to you? Do people criticize of being nosey or invading their private space deliberately? If you find it hard respecting other people’s personal space, then it’s a bad habit. Keep in mind that no man or woman wants to be coerced into making a connection with someone else. Try to be more mindful.

2. You Are Impulsive. Do you lose control when something goes wrong? Are you the kind of person who acts first and think later? Do you get angry or paranoid easily? If you’re quick to react to anything without thinking about the outcome, then you’re jeopardizing your opportunity to cultivate emotional connection and security in a loving, healthy relationship. Being impulsive is harmful to both men and women, and no one likes to date a person who has a thin skin. Before you attack, argue or insult someone, take a few deep breaths, and try to analyze the situation and its possible outcomes. Try to ignore the voices in your head that are hyper-sensitive to other people’s motives.

3. You Are Impatient. Do you dislike people who make you wait? Are you selfish with your time? Are you someone who often interrupts people when they talk? Do you get nervous and aggressive when someone is late to meet you? Do you find it hard to relax during physical intimacy? Impatience is one of the negative traits that can make you unpopular with both men and women. Everyone has his or her speed or pace in doing things. Try not to get angry or anxious when if your date is late to meet you, or takes a long time to tell her story, takes some time to get ready or walks slowly than you. Try to honor their pace, and they’ll honor yours.

4. You Are Too Helpful. This one is for the ladies. Did you ever rush to the fridge and cook something for your man? Being helpful and attentive is fine, overdoing it annoying. For starters, why don’t you let your guy walk to the refrigerator, and take out and cook something for himself just for the experience? Always attending to every demand of your husband or boyfriend makes you appear needy, desperate and insecure. If a man loves you, they’ll be more than happy to do things for themselves and actually prefer it that way. If he wants something they like you to do or need some help, they will ask.

Whether you’re looking for someone or trying to reconcile with your ex, if you can keep yourself from these four habits, there is a better chance for you to be in a healthy and everlasting relationship.

Five Signs Your Relationship Might Be Making You Depressed

If you’re experiencing negative thoughts about yourself, feeling powerless and gloomy in your relationship, it is an indication that your relationship is making you depressed. If left unaddressed your depression can wreck havoc to your emotional state. So, it’s critical that you analyze your communication arrangement in your relationship and figure out if the relationship is the reason behind your depression.

Here are five cautionary signs that show that your relationship might be making you depressed.

1. You feel dominated and criticized. Depression can occur when you feel smaller and weaker than the person you’re communicating with. But, not all power gaps causes depression. For instance, employers need to be stronger than the employees for the relationship between the employer and the employee to work. In a romantic relationship, the more power is shared between the two partners, the healthier. Meanwhile, criticisms are let-downs in a relationship, but the feedback is appreciated. If you don’t like the dress she’s wearing, instead of criticizing her for it, being subtle and gentle telling her to change it will be much helpful. For example, tell her that your friends can get attracted to you if they see you in that dress, or hairstyle, etc.

2. Your partner tries to control you. Your partner always tells you what to do. He or she doesn’t value your views or opinions. With your partners, “it’s his or her or the highway.” Your spouse tells you what to wear, when and how many you can visit your family or friends, how to spend, when to go shopping and so forth. You feel demoralized because your partners always tell you what to do and not do, and nobody likes being told what to do. It makes you think that your partner is always right and no matter what you do, he or she never appreciates you. This kind of behavior is the perfect reason for depression and unhappiness to creep in into your relationship.

3. Your partner is depressed. Many men and women don’t know that depression is contagious. If one of the partners is sad and depressed, he or she views things in the negative. And that pessimistic view of your partner will also affect you emotionally.

4. Your partner is irritable and abusive. Anger is toxic energy. The person who is subjected to anger and abuse can become depressed. Anger is unpleasant and disturbing to watch. Abuse, meanwhile, hasn’t always needed to be physical. It can be emotional, the partner’s irritating and controlling attitude, verbally abusive behavior like calling bad names, hitting or throwing things, pushing, etc., all can classified as abuse. Any abusive behavior is incompatible in a loving relationship.

5. Your partner isn’t committed to doing his/her part. A loving relationship is like a cycle with two wheels. Both partners need to equally contribute and be committed to doing his or her part for the relationship to thrive and last. If a partner provides financially, the other partner should take care of the household. If a partner deliberately ignores not to do his or her part, it can provoke anger or irritation, which can make one or both of the partners depressed.

If you don’t want to be depressed in your relationship, then take notice of these signs. Communicate with your partner carefully and constructively. Criticism and complaints can make your partner depressed or fight back which is something you don’t want to have in your relationship.