Category Archives: Marriage

What Is Forcing People To Stay In Sad and Unhealthy Relationships?

If you’re someone who is in a miserable, unhealthy and unhappy marriage or relationship, you can’t but help but ask the same question over and over again, “Why am I in an in a sad and unhealthy relationship?” You keep hoping for a different answer, but you already know that you’re already in one. You can do everything you can to escape the harsh truth, but the reality is that you can’t. There is a reason why couples remain in sad and unhealthy relationships because they are filling a need. This need is so critical for them that they believe they won’t be able to fill this need somewhere else, so they settle for less than they deserve.

Many couples stay in an unhappy relationship for years because they think that they feel stuck and don’t have any choices. The truth is it is relatively straightforward and easy to rescue yourself from an unhealthy relationship, and it’s you who should take the first step. The relationship you’re in is the reflection of the one you’ve with yourself. If you have a sad, unhealthy relationship with yourself, it will be mirrored in the relationships you’ve with others. You mistreat yourself, so it is acceptable to you to receive the same behavior from others. If you’ve low self-esteem and confidence and don’t think you’re worthy or deserving of anything better, you let others walk all over you. You also accept people treat that way because you feel unlovable.

You can change it all and jump from an unhealthy relationship and into a healthy one, and it all starts with yourself.

  1. Start Believing That You Deserve The Best

When you were born, you didn’t need to do anything to be loved or feel loved. Nothing had changed when you grew up. You deserve love and worthy of love just because you are you. So, start treating yourself with respect and love you truly deserve now.

  1. Tell Yourself You Are Deserving

You are worthy of a happy and healthy relationship with yourself and people around you one that is based on love that is fulfilling and unconditional. You deserve kindness. So, consider practicing it with yourself now.

  1. Learn To Love Yourself – FirstIf you want to be in a healthy relationship but don’t love yourself enough, then you will never be able to do good things for someone you don’t like. Get rid of the unhealthy relationship you’ve with yourself by treating yourself the same way you behave with a stranger in need. Be nice to yourself and give yourself the gift of love and acceptance.
  1. Believe You Are Already Good Enough

If you think that you need to be better than you currently are to have all that you desire, stop thinking about it. You are already good enough. You don’t need to be any better or make any changes in yourself that would make you more perfect.

  1. Remember That You Are Human After All!

Stop relishing your past, and be in the present. If you want to have a happy and healthy relationship, be the best version of yourself and cherish the gifts you have and share them with the world.

5 Ways To Make Your Marriage Counseling Successful And Save Your Relationship

Finally, you and your partner decided to go to a marriage counselor to resolve problems in your marriage and make it work. But, what can you do to improve the chances of couple’s therapy worth all the time and money you invested in it? But, before that how does marriage counseling work? Well, we need a professional relationship expert or a skilled marriage therapist, but apart from it, there are some things that you can do for yourself to help make your marriage counseling successful.

Here's how you can make your marriage counseling successful:

  1. Having more goals for yourself than your spouse is helpful.

Sure, you and your significant other to change or you both wouldn't need therapy. But, working on yourself with your partner beside you is probably the most practical approach to having a positive impact on your marriage. However keep in mind that focusing exclusively on what your partner requires to change doesn’t instantly works, and eventually, it turns out that you don't get what you want. So, ask yourself what is that you want from the relationship. Recall your early expectations during the initial days of your relationship. This will be helpful for you to envision what it is you want and how do define an ideal relationship. Ask yourself these questions such as; what are your characteristics? How can you behave as a perfect partner in a perfect world? What are your weaknesses? What are your real attitudes and behaviors? What things do you avoid? If you find the answers to these questions, making up your goals in therapy will be easy.

  1. Put yourself out there.

When we see ourselves in an unhappy marriage, often there is anger, annoyance, resentment, and judgment. Dig deeper and try to find out what triggered those thoughts and feelings. Were you too open and honest and became upset? Do you feel helpless, hopeless or embarrassed? Do you feel anxious or stressed that you’re being controlled? Are you afraid to trust? Are you scared that you’ll be hurt again? If you feel any resistance against cooperating, it can be a sign that you've been avoiding some specific thoughts and feelings. So, open up to your partner, and be vulnerable in front of your spouse. It will make them feel more compassionate and empathetic to you. Meanwhile, your therapist will make sure the session in safe and secure place to do it.

  1. Set aside some time

Marriage therapy takes time. Couples therapy isn’t something that can be fixed quickly. Therefore, make some time to spend with each other without any distractions, and establish a positive space in your life for each other. Make sure none of the partners beg for it.

  1. Don’t think of divorce, at least for now.

Both of you are attending marriage counseling to save your relationship. Maybe you both are feeling hopeful for the relationship, so don’t think of divorce.  However, the question remains whether you both can commit right now to working hard on your relationship by taking off divorce off the table.

  1. Find your freedom

Marriages and relationships, even the best ones, were never meant to fulfill all of our needs. So be prepared because there will be times when you’ll feel bored, lonely, or feel ashamed. So, Instead of depending on your spouse to make you a whole, find your freedom, find yourself and be your own full person.

Make Your Marriage Much Happier By Following These 5 Simple Ways

Why aren’t we told to be happier in our marriages? And even if we are told, we realize that we have failed to boost our happiness in our relationships. The key reason is that our culture dictates that we take care of ourselves before others. Another reason why happiness hasn't made it into our marriages is that we have focused mostly on the smallest percentage of happiness that is hard to change. We can control some aspects of our happiness by the way we think and behave. Also, our happiness can be greatly influenced on how we act and sometimes, even simple changes can make a huge difference in our happiness levels.

So, to make our marriages even happier than before, we should try these five small, yet subtle changes to make it happen:

  1. Be intentional

List all the things in a journal in your marriage that is happy or mark all the specific events in your relationships that brought you happiness or joy. Recall all the specific colors you saw, the food you ate, all the beautiful or romantic spots you visited or the clothes your partner wore. An analysis such as this one will help you to excite your senses in ways that might have remained passive for a long time.

  1. Laugh or Keep Smiling

Laughter is an amazing elixir for a happy marriage. Laughter is an effective stress reliever. It makes you feel physically better and tones up your emotions and feelings, and that's going to make you much nicer to your spouse. If you want to improve your communication skills for better communication with your partner, humor is crucial. This will draw you closer together and bring back the intimacy and excitement to your relationship.

  1. Establish Connection With Other Couples

It’s a fact that your relationship will get stronger when you have a connection with other couples with similar values and opinions. You can share ideas and experiences, which might be helpful to overcome various issues and obstacles in your marriage. Talking with other couples may also help you to appreciate what you have in your relationship.

  1. Focus On Others

If you’re sincere in boosting the happiness in your marriage, it’s time you focus on others, not just for yourself. When you and your spouse can find a cause that is larger than yourself and discover challenges in other couples relationships that are bigger than the challenges you face in your marriage, it will make you more compassionate. Ultimately, this compassion and empathy will flow to your partner, and make both of you happier.

  1. Spice Up Your Marriage With Variety

You can improve the happiness level in your marriage by adding a little variety or adventure. Let’s be honest, we all get tired of having sex with our partner in the same position over and over again just like we get bored of eating at the same restaurant. Both you and your partner should do his or her part as well as take turns trying to boost the happiness level in your relationship.

Feeling Unhappy In Your Marriage? Maybe You Can’t Handle The Stress Properly

Our life’s stresses can strain our relationships, and sometimes, it can destroy our marriages and relationships. People get stressed from many things such job insecurity, problems at work, financial concerns, health problems,  kids struggling in school,  and so on and so forth.  When these types of situations require your attention, they can strain even the most resilient and healthy relationships or marriages. Let’s face it, situations like these are stressful and are detrimental for any relationships to grow and thrive, so this is an important thing to recognize.

In reality, most of us are unable to do that and project our pain and disappointments onto others, especially our partners, and eventually we add to their grief. But what if your problems in your relationship aren’t because of the stress? The problems get deeper when we take this understanding about stress and how it contributes to creating tension, and use it to distract us from a larger pattern in the relationship. For example, when there are kids, most couples tell themselves that their lives will become less stressful and they’ll be happier once again once the children grow older. We assume that we’re unhappy because of all the challenges of raising young kids. Raising children is a 24-hour job, and is physically and mentally exhausting. It’s very stressful balancing your kids, your job, your life, etc., all at the same time. It's what many married couples say to themselves that when their kids are bigger, they’ll finally have more time for their partners. They believe if they pass through this stage. Eventually, things will be back to normal. But, “back to normal” isn’t that great as we expect it to be.

Stress in life like childcare, career issues, or financial concerns, impact a relationship, which increases the chances of both conflict and connection. They key difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship is the approach we take in resolving these conflicts and how we turn them into connection or disconnection.

In healthy and happy relationships, couples have conversations about their thoughts and feelings that surround around life stressors. When things get hard, they lean on each other and treat one another as friends. Whereas, couples in unhealthy relationships, have a tendency to withhold their thoughts and feelings, and project them onto their spouses resulting in blame and criticism. They don’t seem each other as friends and think that their partners are the source of their unhappiness. In unhealthy relationships, couples often don’t disassociate themselves from blame and criticism. All they do is tell that their partners aren’t his or her, which only creates more disconnection among themselves.

So, why do some couples remain in the unhealthy relationships? It’s mainly because of our preconceived notions about our roles as spouse and parents and spouses. These preconceived notions are often unspoken, pretended concepts.  A healthy couple focuses on these differences and discusses them; reaches an agreement on how they can fulfill these roles.  When you’re in a relationship, you’re 100 percent responsible for where you are. If you’re willing to handle the stress in the right way get curious with yourself and your partner.  If you aren’t interested, then it’s clear that you’re choosing pain over freedom.

Is It True That Pessimists Are More Satisfied In Their Marriages?

British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli once said that marriages destroy one’s ability to be amiable every day to the same human being. Apparently, it turns out that he was right. A study done by James McNulty at the University of Tennessee in 2010 revealed that couples who attempted to stay optimistic against their will while going through a rough marriage are more likely to ruin their relationship rather than saving it or making it better.

This finding was contrary to what we have been hearing from relationships experts and marriage counselors for ages. When it comes to resolving problems in marriages and relationships, we were advised to remain patient, be forgiving and even forgetting or ignoring our partner’s mishaps and flaws. But, what if we told you that the key to a healthy and long-lasting relationship depends on a healthy dose of pessimism? Yes, we are saying that being pessimistic is actually good for your marriage.  But, how true is it? Do pessimists really have a happy marriage than optimists?

Various statistics show that almost half of all couples who attended marriage counseling or therapies weren’t successful in overcoming their differences. This is especially true for couples who asked for help after their relationships or marriages reached a state of disrepair. In such circumstances, we must take into account of the possibility that being positive during hopeless situations can backfire on the marriage.

Mr. McNulty, who is a psychological scientist, after studying 82 newlywed couples during the first four years of their marriage found that optimism is only effective when a couple’s hopes and dreams are realized. These newlywed couples usually have the highest expectations, and when these newlyweds found that things didn’t happen according to their expectations, they experienced extreme and irrational disappointment. Consequently, McNulty said that couples who get married with a pessimistic attitude find more success and satisfaction in their marriages in the long-term. Why? Because their expectations were low when they first started. The research also found that an optimistic person has the tendency to cover up a partner’s character shortcomings can result in long-term problems and can cause relatively small issues to translate into a serious crisis.

Though, most therapists frequently suggest couples to stop blaming each other. But, McNulty reported that projecting an uncompromising and negative attitude while having a conversation or an argument happens to be an effective approach in influencing a spouse to make changes in his or her ways, which eventually will pave the way for a stable and stronger marriage.

When you’re married or in a relationship, remember, forgiveness doesn’t always work in marriages. In fact, it only works occasionally. For the most part, forgiveness only makes a partner to commit the same mistakes or the misdemeanor again and again. Couples, who refuse to forgive their partners for the mishaps they created in the relationship and stand their ground, have a much higher chance of experiencing the result they desire. However, there is one exception while speaking about the usefulness of negativity in a relationship. It’s sarcasm. Dealing with serious issues becomes problematic if a partner makes sneering comments, and it will lead to unsuccessful marriages.

3 Awfully Wrong Misconceptions About A Sexless Marriage

Can you be happy in a sexless marriage? This is the question that needs to be answered urgently because there are millions of men and women who are in sexless marriages because of a medical condition or by choice. The good news? Yes, sexless marriages can be happy and fulfilling. You see relationships and marriages are more than sex, and plenty of couples find happiness and security after becoming great spouses, best friends, and co-parents. Nobody can overrate or underestimate the importance of these roles in marriages as well as relationships.

Still, for most men and women, sex is significant, and it plays a major role in a marriage. After all, most marital relationships initiate with a sexual connection, and most folks hope and expect that his or her sexual needs will be satisfied by their spouse. When a marriage does go sexless, it can create a lot of suffering, loneliness, and alienation. It can also lead to separation or betrayal. All of these are sad consequences, but it doesn’t have to be that way.

Here are three big myths about sexless marriages:

  1. Sexless marriages are damned. No, they aren’t. Sexless marriages aren’t failures. Couples typically cite the lack of sex in their marriage for the demise of the relationship. But the reality is that it’s not the sex, but the unsolved problems that lead to the marriage to fail. We are always told that a happy marriage is full of wild, passionate sex. We are told that if there is good chemistry between two people, sex just happens. It’s the blind belief in these myths that compel people to feel that their marriage is falling apart because they are in a sexless marriage.
  1. If you aren't having sex or less sex, it means that you no longer into or have feelings for each other. If you're not having sex, you don’t lose your connection to your significant other. If you avoid having sex with your wife, you'll develop resentment toward her. The lack of physical attraction isn’t the reason for a sexless marriage. There is a broad range of reasons why marriages go sexless. It’s true, some sexless marriages happen because the two partners aren’t physically attracted to each other, but it’s only a tiny percentage. Maybe, one partner has been diagnosed with a medical issue, very depressed, too much stress, a change in body image or coping with past sexual traumas. All of these factors have nothing to do with how two partners feel attracted to one another. If you're not having sex, you don’t lose your connection to your spouse.
  1. If you stop having sex once, you'll never get it back. This isn’t true at all. In most circumstances, sexless marriages are temporary. When you’ve been married or have been in a long-term relationship for some time, a marriage might go sexless for a year or two for a good reason. There is a new baby; you’re having some issues with your finances or loans, sick parents, sick kids, or health problems are some of the most common. If a couple can go through all of these problems and can remain honest, loving, and connected during this sexless period, their marriage can become stronger and the sexual connection If you’re sexless marriage, it doesn’t make you and your celibate.

Must-Follow Relationship Rules For Happy Love Life

Many people find love quite confusing and tricky. Such people may be in a relationship, but still, they lack the real experience of true love. Like everything else, love too is based on certain rules to be successful. Following these rules is a necessity for making your love life worth living.

Every relationship has the potency to flourish and blossom into something magnificent and glorious. All you need is to remember the following rules and keep your relationship happy and alive:

Relationship Rules that matter

You should be committed to creating a strong bond between yourself and your life partner. For this purpose, you need to know about the rules that matter and are helpful in living a contented life.

  • Don’t be selfish and love your partner unconditionally.
  • Each time when it comes to the matter of the heart, try to think from the perspective of your love.
  • Lack of communication forms the basis of many serious issues in love life. Therefore it is strongly advised to stay in communication. Always discuss and sort out every problem. Otherwise, you will start drifting apart from each other.
  • Always try to end an argument as early as possible.
  • The closest of the couples even require spending time alone. Learn to give space and give a chance to miss each other.
  • Compliment your partner now and then. Never try to take them for granted.
  • Sometimes you are allowed to tell a white lie to your partner. A lie which does not adversely affect your relationship but, in fact, it will make your partner satisfied and happy.
  • Every relationship faces tough times. It is the time to stand side by side. Always be a shoulder that your partner can lean on. In the end, love will shine even brighter than before.
  • Take good care of yourself. Be concerned about your appearance. Just because you are in a relationship now does not mean that you start putting on weight and leave yourself shabby.
  • Celebrate every occasion together, especially birthdays and anniversaries. These are the moments to be cherished later on.
  • Never make your partner feel bad intentionally as it will leave a lasting scar on the relationship.
  • Forgiveness is the quality that matters a lot in a relationship. Learn to forgive your partner. Clear your heart and don’t keep grudges as it will end up spoiling your relationship.
  • You need to respect your partner no matter what the situation.
  • Trust your partner even if your partner tries to say otherwise.
  • Couples should learn to spend quality time with each other. There is no other way to fall in love all over again with each other.
  • Don’t always wait for the special occasions to arrive. Be spontaneous with your feelings.
  • Surprise your partner with small love notes and gifts. Gifts need not be the expensive ones. A bouquet or a bar of chocolate can make the day of your love.
  • Never grumble or be abusive with each other.
  • Behave like a child now and then. A few pillow fights can add small happy moments to your life.

The Two Feelings That Are Vital To Any Marriage To Be Successful

Two feelings are a must for any marriage or relationship to thrive or even survive. These two feelings are a way of considering how you’re feeling, and thinking how your partner or girlfriend might be feeling. Notice that we have mentioned “feelings” here instead of “emotions”, as this word better conveys what we’re trying to communicate. A person can feel in a specific way, though most people might associate this with an emotional response, it’s still different.

Anyways, the two feelings are: 1) The feeling of being wanted, and 2) The feeling of being accepted.

The Feeling Of Being Wanted

At this stage, we’re referring to feeling wanted by your partner on many levels such as, “Am I sexually wanted?””Does she desire me?” “Does she want to be with me?” “Does she want to know me?” “Does she want me to do better?” etc. So, what is the opposite of feeling wanted? Well, it is feeling needed or feeling unwanted. It doesn’t matter whether it’s unwanted or needed, both of these feelings can ruin a relationship. If a partner thinks that he's unwanted, he starts to feel undesirable, unlovable, even unworthy. Feeling unwanted invokes a person to question his physical attractiveness, mental well-being, and his spiritual wellness. Meanwhile, feeling needed can also be equally as destructive. Think about it, a partner in a relationship or marriage can feel needed without being wanted. This feeling of being needed can lead to insecurities or fears of losing one self-worth.  When someone needs another person, it means that this person is using him or her to fulfill that’s person’s wants and needs, without giving any attentions of what the other person may require.

We aren’t saying that couples don’t need to depend on each other. That is the nature of a relationship or marriage. The more you bond with your spouse, the more you rely on a functional level with each other. But, this is entirely different from the feeling of being needed, which actually directs the neediness of a partner. It is unattractive and harmful in a marriage. So, ask yourself, “Do you feel wanted by your significant other?” “Does your significant other feel wanted by you?”

The Feeling Of Being Accepted

This one deals with the emotional needs that we all have which is to be accepted and loved. “Does my partner take me for who I am?” Many times we have heard from couples saying that they could love their boyfriends or girlfriends if only they can make some changes. It means that they’re already in love with him or her; they just want to change them. Unfortunately, we see many marriages are built on the assumption that after getting married, they would love to see or make some changes in their spouses.

We always keep hearing about married couples that they would be more loved if they had more and better sex, lasted longer in bed, ate more healthily, got a better job, lost weight, exercised more, quit drinking, dressed more stylishly, helped more with the chores, and the list goes on.

Our point is not that we shouldn’t improve ourselves after we’re married or in a committed relationship. What we’re actually trying to convey is when the pressure to change or improve comes from beside ourselves, we feel defeated, less empowered, less accepted or unaccepted and even rejected. So, again ask yourself, “Do you feel accepted by your significant other?” “Does your significant other feel accepted by you?”

Save Your Marriage By Falling Back In Love With Your Wife

Can you remember the days when you first fell in love with your partner? How was everything about her almost too sweet for you? How was everything about her so adorable to you? But, now that you’ve been married for a while and all of the sudden things doesn’t seem as cute and sweet to you anymore. Those little quirky traits of your wife that you found so adorable once, at least, tolerable, has now turned into throbbing pain in the ass. You find everything about your relationship disappointing and miserable. And now that, those things have become so bad that you’re wondering what to do about it.

Let’s get one thing straight. Relationships don’t go bad all of a sudden. Think why those “little things” in your partner has become such major annoyances. You truly loved those quirks once, so what happened that you’re now so annoyed by it? Anyways, here are three ways you can fall in love with your wife again and make your marriage even stronger:

1. Change Your Focus
At the start, your partner met all the need that had your focus. Focus on yourself. All along the relationship, you were zeroing in on all the small things she did that met your attention. That’s how two people come close and fall in love with each other. This is how all those little things become big things. Now that those needs have been fulfilled, those lovable, captivating behaviors that helped to accomplish those needs don’t feel so loving anymore. Our needs have changed, but your wife hasn't moved on to different ways of meeting them. So, it times to recollect the things that you took for granted. Remember the love and care that is required to meet your needs is still alive in her.

2. Look At Your Partner Like A Reflection
Stand in front of the mirror and look at your reflection. Now, ask yourself do you look with the same, unchanged critical eye to judge your significant other? Can you realize that things in your relationship haven't changed for far too long? Maybe those things weren’t that much necessary in the beginning because you had much bigger issues to look after at the time. But now you can easily see that those things might be stinking up your relationship for her.

3. Keep In Mind Both Of You Are Constantly Evolving
Over time our priorities change as we grow, so does hers. It's surprising that any relationship can survive those changes. There is a potential that two people in a relationship can steer off into entirely different directions. And the right way to address these issues from escalating any further is communication. Communication is and will always at the heart of any solution, regardless what the problem is, our big or small the problem is. Have an open, honest conversation with your partner by first appreciating for all the things she has done for the relationship, how she adapted to her new-found self, and by asking how you can be more attractive to her again. By initiating this conversation, she will feel more secure and understood, and subsequently, she’ll wonder how she can be more attractive to her newer self for you.

What Do Most Happy Couples Talk About? Find Out Here!

Having meaningful, real conversations is vital to be in committed relationships. One of the advantages of being in a committed relationship is that you have the opportunity to discuss topics you most likely avoided during the early stages of dating. Now that you’re in a happy, committed relationship, it’s time to pour yourselves a cup of tea, cozy up on the sofa and enjoys a good heart-to-heart chat.

Here are seven things most happy couples talk about daily:

1. Embarrassing Moments
We all have embarrassing and awkward moments that occurred during our high schools day or at work, but will never talk about them with our dates or partners. So, if you don’t tell them to anyone, who are you going to tell them to? If you haven't talked about it already, don't be afraid to bring up the subject. We won’t be surprised if your girlfriend’s stories are hilarious or outrageous than yours.

2. Political Views
Do you want to share your opinion about the next presidential election or that new law that passed? It’s okay if you don't agree with each other, but it would certainly be helpful if you did. One key point of a healthy relationship is that it allows both partners to share their own philosophies without offending each other’s viewpoints personally.

3. Insecurities And Fears
We aren’t talking about phobias here. We are talking about things that worry you or keep you awake at night. Is there anything you want to improve in yourself? What are your regrets? Feeling insecure gives you the ability to judge yourself and most importantly, a chance to finally being understood by yourself and your partner.

4. Childhoods Memories
Ask your girlfriend how did she spend her childhood? Did she make friends easily? What games did she play by herself and with her childhood buddies? Did she get into trouble in school? Was she bullied? Having conversations about childhood memories are fun and makes you feel nostalgic. It also gives an intimate insight into how your girlfriend has turned into the person she is today.

5. Past Relationships
This one is touchy. No one wants to hear how you spent your holidays with your ex with their current true love. There is, however, a difference between longing for your ex and just acknowledging what has happened. Confident, secure, and happy couples can open about their previous relationships without unintentionally comparing their existing partners with their exes.

6. Current Events
In today’s technological age, it's practically impossible to remain up-to-date on everything going on around us. Ask your girlfriend about her interests or hobbies; it doesn’t matter if it’s fashion or finances. Try to learn a few things about them. Who knows you might learn a thing or two about the latest shoe trends and use it to give your significant other something nice on her birthday.

7. The Future
It’s common to find couples who are in committed relationships talking about their future. Talking about the future with your partner can be scary and inspiring at the same time, it all depends on what you are talking about. We're not telling you should pressure your girlfriend into talking about your plans for marriage, kids, etc. But, we suggest both of you ask each other directly and openly talk about each other’s hopes, dreams, goals, and aspirations.