There isn’t any relationship where couples don’t fight or argue with each other. But, there is one fight that all couples have before they get married. What is it you might ask? Well, it’s the fight for control. Marriage should be all about bringing two different worlds together and experience the shared feelings of joy and happiness of life and love. But, this exciting and sometimes overwhelming transition consists of disagreements, conflicts, friction, and a natural resistance to change.
So, what should be done to address the pattern of control before it begins or before things get out of control? Here are some ways to let go of your fight for control, whether it's an argument about your marriage, or something else:
Don’t Just Sweep It Under The Rug
Avoiding something will only lengthen the conflict and will make the problems messier and complicated to deal with the next time. Whenever you’re feeling frustrated, insecure or angry with your significant other about something, have a conversation about it in a soft tone. Be brave, be respectful, and be assertive with your partner when it comes to conflict and other differences. Keep in mind; control is all about winning. If you realise that 80 percent of all the stuff couples argue about are can’t be fully resolved, then the primary intention should be more about understanding and respect each other’s personal opinions and point of view, and less about being who is right.
The main reason why couples fight is to exert his or her control in the relationship. Therefore, it’s important to be aware of how you tend to fight for control. Are you willing to shame your partner, put others down, or simply shame or humiliate yourself? Are you thinking of playing the victim card, or manipulate through entitlement or blame? When you feel sad, disconnected, lonely, or anxious about certain facets marriage, do you hide or withhold your emotions from your boyfriend or girlfriend? Being self-aware takes vulnerability, carefulness, and a willingness to accept responsibility for your role in all the conflicts you’ve and will have in the relationship. Remember, uncovering your tactics isn’t something your spouse is expected to do. Being accountable for your part in the conflict will allow you to be more honest as well as assertive in those moments.
Revisit Your Connection
What are you doing at staying connected to one another? Before the wedding, it’s highly important that both of you validated by each other despite the fights and arguments you both are having. It’s imperative to maintain an intentional connection with your partner by responding to your partner’s bids for connection both physical and emotional. Put a high priority on date nights and spend quality time together without talking about the wedding. Control is an illusion which you’ll never fully be able to change, know or control with 100 percent certainty that your significant other will be there for you and remain committed to the relationship at all times. We can’t guarantee that your union will be healthy and an everlasting one. This is the risk you have to take of being in a relationship.