Have you felt the feeling that you didn’t want to go for the second date, or a third or even the tenth date, because your guts told you so? And after informing this to your parents or friends they go all ballistic on you and blame you that you’re still single because you rely on your instincts too much – then you’re not alone. People will accuse you of being foolish and arrogant if you declined a date without an apparent cause, and even more, if the person you passed has a good soul, polite, employed, a great smile and so on.
Sure, there are some good reasons to pass your guts, and still, go on that second date. But, it’s also important to trust your intuition, and here are some points to ponder on:
1. Don’t Act on Feedback
If you’re undecided about whether you should keep dating someone, it’s only normal that you want to share your feelings with your closest friends. But, listening to their judgments and feedbacks, and acting on it will cloud your instincts. Sometimes, you’ll have your reasons why you and your date didn’t click, or you felt that there wasn’t any chemistry. For example, he likes rock-climbing. She hates cats. He thinks global warming is a myth, etc. you get the gist. It details like these why most us explain why the date didn’t work or don’t want to go for the second or third date. And when we tell it to our friends and families, get ready for those eye rolls! Here’s the thing, if you really enjoyed the date, you wouldn’t be concerned about this petty and insignificant issues at all.
2. Take the Next Step
Instead of talking about your dates merits and demerits with your friends, stay silent and ask yourself – if you really want to have a second date with this person? Does the feeling of seeing this person again make you happy or uncomfortable? If you aren’t sure, then start planning. Think of doing something or visit a place together. It doesn’t matter if it’s watching a live game at the stadium or a restaurant. If you think that dating this person will make you miss your favourite TV show or take/an early break from work, then this person isn’t right for you. On the other hand, if you felt happy and energised just by imagining you two sharing a bottle of champagne at dinner, then go for it.
3. Lower Your Expectations
Relationships are all about dedication and commitment. You should be in a relationship for the long haul. Dating is a small meeting that will lead to a lifetime of companionship. It can be overwhelming, but the relationship shouldn’t have to be a chore. So don’t put too much pressure on yourself and keep your expectations low. Your date may not be your soul mate, but he or she is doing her best to find love. And that also applies to you.
Trusting your instincts is important. We should give our intuition more credit than they actually deserve. But keep in mind that your instincts should take control of you in a way that will prevent you from seeking love.