Sometimes forgiving someone who has wronged or hurt you is right for you. If you’ve been in a relationship and he or she breaks up with you, it’s perfectly natural to resent and hold a grudge against that person for the tremendous pain they caused you. However, holding a grudge will do more harm to you and usually doesn't hurt the person who caused the heartbreak.
Bitterness and resentment can make you physically sick. Bitterness and resentment can cause psychological and emotional stress and illness. If you persistently keep replaying your breakup incident over and over again in your head, thinking about all the things you could have said and done, you will become stressed and consumed by this. It may disrupt your sleep pattern and overshadow your daily conversations. None of this is good for your physical and social well-being.
If you don’t let go of the pain from your previous relationship, it could spoil your chances of finding a new one. It’s because being angry and resentful of your ex will make you overly defensive with other people because you’re afraid of being rejected and hurt again. You always feel conflicted and unable to commit to a new relationship, and remain depressed and anxious.
Therefore, if you want a fresh start with someone new, it is critical that you forget the thoughts and feelings of your ex, and give the new person a chance to love you. These three simple steps will help you get started:
1. Refrain from using the word “should” and “shouldn’t” when you’re having a conversation about your ex. For example, ‘he should have done that,' or ‘she shouldn’t talk to me like that’ and so forth. These words will keep you tied to the past, and prevent you from forgiving your ex and moving on. Stressing about what should and shouldn’t have happened won’t change the past.
2. Focus on the present. When you resent someone, you’re focusing all your thoughts and attention on the past and visualizing what would have happened in the future. You ignore the present and what’s in front of you right now. By thinking how the past would have changed your future, you’re putting your current life on hold. It will be a challenge to find happiness or get healed by looking at the past or the future. It’s in the present. So, accept that and be productive.
3. If one door closes, another door opens up. So, take your breakup as an opportunity to be in a new relationship. This is easier said than done, however, the goal is to shift your thoughts into more positive ones. So, get yourself out there in the dating scene and find someone right for you. When you’ve realized the opportunities in each moment, seize it and make it happen.
If you’ve recently experienced a breakup, you need to forget the past to focus on the present. So, don’t hold any anger or grudge towards your ex, and forgive him or her for your own well-being. And the quickest way to forget and ultimately forgive the one who broke up with you is to fill the gap with someone new. Someone right who will make you hopeful and feel alive.