Fear is natural. We all have fears. We all get scared. For some, fear is evident and is easily seen, while others hide it within their own conscience. All of our hidden fears get exposed when we’re in a relationship. Sometimes we get overwhelmed with fear when falling in love, and most of the time we fail to see it.
When fears get entangled with our relationships, it will prevent us from connecting with a man and keep us away from love. If you’re having a tough time sustaining long-term relationships or being in relationships with the wrong men, it’s highly likely that your fears are engulfing you. The more vicious our fears are, the more power they have to prevent us from having healthy and loving relationships.
Some common unseen fears most of us have are; the fear of not be enough for man, the fear of being unlovable, and the fear of always being wrong. These fears come up because real love requires us to be insecure and vulnerable, and this can make us very uncomfortable. Intimacy and vulnerability go hand in hand, and most get afraid about it. So, our fears will attempt to take control of the situation and put on the defensive, and we don’t know that it’s happening! Being defensive is a human’s natural response to protect ourselves. Our defenses have kept us secure since birth and are a must if we want to survive. How we respond to fears, have become of our personalities and what makes us as a person.
Here’s an example.
Have you been in a situation when you were overreacting when you're criticized by your partner? Let’s assume that your guy doesn’t like the way you dress or complains about your behavior while having dinner at the restaurant? Our fears take over immediately, we feel attacked, and we respond defensively, even before considering even if it’s right or wrong. We view criticism as an invasion to our personality and identity, and we fight back. We only calm down when we can prove that he’s not right. We have become so obsessed with defending ourselves, that we have totally forgotten the fact what we’re actually feeling is fear.
Unless we recognize the fears that trigger our defensive traits, we won’t be able to feel secure in our relationships. We’ll always be in a state of alert, delusional, and unable to feel any comfort and be relaxed. If we can identify our fears and prove them baseless, only then we can stop ourselves from getting defensive and have successful and lasting relationships. We need work deep within our conscience that will enable us to believe in our worth as women. We should start thinking that we can be wrong sometimes and none of us are perfect. We should be in love and in relationships that none can take it away from us and destroy it.
Overall, if we challenge our hidden fears, they’ll lose their power and influence over us. As our fears decimate, we will have love, kindness, and acceptance – the things we always wanted to have in our relationships.