The term “pickup” has been around since WWII, a time when guys were finally starting to get lucky because girls felt bad for them going off to battle. It wasn’t until the 1970s though that the term pickup was popularized by Eric Weber’s ground-breaking book How to Pick Up Girls. In the book, he laid out the foundation for what was about to change the lives of many ugly, boring, and “ordinary” guys. Since Weber’s original book, a lot of other pickup artists have advanced his theories and picking up girls has become a “game” which no woman can win – or resist playing.
Generally, the goal of a pickup is to get sex. But, a pickup can also refer to anything else you want to get from a girl – like her number, a date, or even to become her boyfriend. Picking up girls is considered an art, and some men spend years perfecting their craft. Since you probably don’t want to wait years to get a hot girl, here we will lay down the basic principles of how to pick up girls. Then you can then hone your technique by trial and error, or continue learning with some of our resources, like the PIOP free guide How to Flirt with Women which you can download here.
Girls Want to be Picked Up!
Before we begin, I want to address a point of controversy about pickup artistry. It is often criticized as being “demeaning” to women because the pickup artist only wants sex (where, might I ask, is all the controversy about women who only want rich boyfriends and husbands to take care of them?!?!).
Yes, if you are willing to use any trick in the book just to deceive a women into bed with you and then never call her again, it is pretty damn demeaning. But, a pickup in itself is not necessarily demeaning. Lots of women enjoy being picked up. They enjoy the attention. They enjoy the game and all the flirting and banter which come with it. And, yes, they even enjoy the sex (hopefully you are working on that too and not just your pickup skills!!!).
So long as you are always clear about your intentions, there is nothing inherently bad about picking up girls. You hear that? Don’t lie. Don’t say you are going to call and never do. And be polite enough to send a follow-up text the next day saying you had a good time!
Now, let’s get on to the strategy…
Step 1: Get Your Confidence Up
I’ll be honest with you here: it isn't going to be easy to approach girls at first. But, the more you do it, the better you will get at it. So, forget about all the failures you've had in the past (seriously, get them out of your mind! You are turning a new leaf now!!!) and amp yourself up.
I recommend giving yourself a little pep talk before you go out. Think about all the things that would make a woman mind-bogglingly happy to bed down with you. You have your own apartment. Your pubic hair is well-groomed. You have a freakishly long tongue…
If a pep talk alone won’t do it, then spend some time (and probably money) getting your appearance in order. A new haircut, wardrobe, and manicure (yes, even guys need grooming!), can do wonders for your confidence.
A lot of pickup artists recommend wearing something unusual to capture women’s attention. While I wouldn’t necessarily recommend the furry black top hat and eye liner, don’t be afraid to express your individuality. NEVER, I repeat, NEVER try to emulate the style of some douche you see in a magazine. What works for Brad Pitt probably isn’t going to work for you. Buy things you genuinely like and not what you think other people will like!
Step 2: The Three-Second Rule
According to Pickup Artist strategy, you should always approach a woman within 3 seconds of spotting her. Any longer and you will seem unconfident and lacking spontaneity. Also, they recommend approaching women in groups, NOT women alone! It is easier to play the game this way and have the women fighting for your attention.
Step 3: Delivering the Opening Line
When approaching the group of girls, you need to deliver an opening line. Here are some examples of pickup artist opening lines:
- Listen to you guys! You are like the chicks on “The View”!
- I’ve only got a minute, but I just had to tell you about…
- Do you remember the name of that 80s band with the giant hairdos?
- Do you think I look like a drug dealer?
- Hey, you’ve got some crazy energy. I just had to come over and figure out what the deal is!
- I’m lost. Can I hang out here until I find my friends again?
Some newbies like to pre-plan opening pickup lines. However, it is probably better to be spontaneous and just go with whatever feels right for the situation at the moment. This will give you more flexibility and you won’t feel constrained to a script, especially if you don’t get the reaction you expected.
There are some things that you should NEVER do when approach a girl though:
- NEVER start the conversation with apologetic phrases or excuses, such as “excuse me”, “I’m sorry”, or “pardon me, but..”
- NEVER hit on her or give generic compliments. If you compliment, it should be something unusual (like the “crazy energy” example from above)
- NEVER buy her a drink. Her attention shouldn’t come with a price tag.
- NEVER focus on just one girl. By focusing on her friends too (including any male friends she is with), you will have her vying for your attention. Plus, if her friends like you, then she will like you too.
Get Her Wanting You
You’ve approached her and broken the ice. Now, the next step is to get her wanting you. Here is where pickup artistry gets the most controversy because these tricks almost always work.
Ignore Her By Talking to Her Friends Instead
People want what they can’t have. So, raise your status by making it seem like you aren’t that interested in her. Even if she is aware of what you are doing (and a lot of women are aware of PUA techniques these days), she might still play the game because it is too fun to refuse.
Throw Out a Neg
A “neg” is an comment which is critical. The best negs are the ones which are seemingly compliments, but actually have subtle undertones of criticism. For example, “Your eyes are beautiful. Are you wearing colored contacts?” Here are some other examples of negs:
- Your cheeks are so red. You look like an Eskimo!
- You look just like my sister!
- You are such a goof!
- I like your shirt. It must be in style. I saw someone wearing them earlier today.
- You know, when I first saw you, I thought you looked pretty snobby and didn't want to waste my time talking to you…
- Do you always get this dressed up just to go to the ____?
The reason that negs work is because they imply you aren't really that into her. Once she thinks this, it illicit the psychological desire to win you over.
Making the Connection
After the neg, you should visibly have her attention. Now, you can relax and just focus on building up a connection between you. There are some tricks for doing this too, but generally you are best just talking to her. Just be yourself (yes, I know you have heard this a million times!). But be a nicer version of yourself. You will especially score some points if you LISTEN to her, ask her questions about what she’s saying, and bring up things she said later on. For example, the girl mentioned being the youngest of 5 girls. Later, you are talking about travel: “You like to travel? Do you travel alone, or do you go with your sisters?”
Kino is one cool trick for furthering the connection when you pick up girls. It is really simple. Once you have her full attention, casually touch her. Now, you don’t want to get all handsy! You want to nonchalantly put your hands on her for a few seconds, such as touching her shoulder while laughing at one of her jokes, or putting your hand around her waist to keep her from bumping into the waiter as he walks by. Kino should always seem natural, and not creepy or overtly sexual!
“Closing” refers to getting what you wanted from the pickup – be it a phone number or sex. Before you can close, you need to have at least 3 of the 5 indicators of interest (referred to as IOI in Pickup Artistry terminology):
- When you lean back, she leans in towards you
- She asks you questions about yourself without prompting
- She positively responds to your touches – such as if you “accidentally” bump her leg with your own, and she moves her leg closer to yours
- She changes her opinion after hearing yours, such as “You are right. That Kevin Costner movie really is cheesy!”
- She tells you that she won’t have sex with you before you’ve asked
Now, you can ask her for her number or, if you are really good at flirting and seduction, take her home for a hookup (want to improve your flirting skills? Download our free guide to flirting here!).
Be warned that, even if you do everything right and built considerable attraction, you might still face rejection at this point. So, you can use some tricks to make rejection impossible.
For example: Instead of asking for her phone number, say “I am going to call you”. She will inevitably respond with “But you don’t have my phone number.” You say, “You are right.” Then you quickly pull out a pen and paper. Once the pen and paper are out (or you could just use your cell phone), she will find it really difficult to say no.
*Tip: To avoid rejection, make sure you ALWAYS have a pen/paper or cell phone quickly accessible to get her number quickly. If you have to run around looking for a pen, she will lose attraction quickly and you could end up with a fake number.
Most Importantly: Always Leave Her Wanting More
This is probably the most important part of flirting, seduction, and picking up women: you’ve always got to leave them wanting more. This is actually pretty easy to accomplish. You just leave while you are ahead. Of course, it is easier said than done – especially if you are hoping that the girl will come home with you that night.
For newbies who haven’t quite mastered the art of the casual hookup (it takes skill to keep the attraction going for the entire duration of the trip home!), it is usually better to get her number and get out then to stick around hoping for something more but ultimately getting nothing.
I know it is hard but, trust me, it is worth it. If you leave her unfulfilled, she will spend the rest of the entire night (and days following) thinking and fantasizing about you. When you finally do go on a date with her, she will be so hot for you that it will be easy to get her into bed. Of course, this does rely on you not blowing the date by acting like a horndog. Our free guide to flirting has some great tips on how to handle girls on the first date so they are the ones practically (or literally) begging you for more. Download the guide here and be on your way to becoming a pickup master!