Breaking up with someone is always hurtful, and it’s even worse if it happens on the first date. The more we keep thinking about the person who got away, the more attached we get to them, and the greater our disappointment and frustration may become.
It’s in our nature to think about the heartbreaking breakups so that we can make sense of them. We persistently think about why things didn’t work between us – did we make any mistakes? Is there anything we could have tried doing differently? We may make assumptions and excuses at times as well.
Some men and women try to achieve closure by believing that the breakup was inevitable because one person attempted to take things fast despite repeated request by the other person to take things more slowly. This is one mistake individuals who are looking for relationships definitely should avoid.
However, sometimes we may face difficulty while moving on. This is not uncommon. You may be constantly keep replaying the moments of the breakup and the conversation we had. You could feel outraged, frustrated and get hurt every time it is replayed. We continuously keep rehearsing all the things we could have said and done to make things right, despite that fact that we already know it’s never going to work. The biggest problem with this type of self-reflection is that by replaying the same thoughts, conversations and scenes over and over again in our minds, will give no positive outcome. There won’t be any new ideas, understandings, insights, views, or anything worthy to learn. In fact, doing this could increase feelings of depression and anger.
Moreover, grieving in this way for a long period will only increase the frequency and desperation, which will make us think the same memories and scenes even more. Stress levels may see an immediate increase and stress hormones could reach critical levels. Besides, spending too much time brooding about the past, rather than doing something that’s actually productive, may also increase feelings of helplessness. In turn, you can become even more depressed or remain depressed for an extended period. You may become disinterested in having new relationships or getting back out there.
The takeaway here is to remain productive and active, even after thinking about the one who was never meant to be our partners. It is perfectly fine to brood over someone you liked despite the rejection, but you also have to be practical. If you find yourself stuck in the sulking process, you may have to be aggressive to break from this unproductive habit and distract yourself by doing something else. The sooner you heal psychologically and emotionally, the sooner you can get out from this vicious circle, and move on and find someone new who will be interested in having a relationship.