Real love doesn't have to hurt. Blaming other people for the demise of your relationship is easy, and when we can’t do that, we can always accuse a situation or even the “timing.” Sometimes, letting go of a complicated or toxic relationship is crucial and a healthy choice to make. But what does it mean when a genuinely loving individual discovers themselves in bad or unhappy relationships again and again? If you see yourself being in relationships not right for you, you need to look for patterns of behavior in all of your past relationships. It can teach you valuable lessons, and sometimes we need to focus on our past to understand what going on our existing relationships.
Most of us have a painful episode in our life, a big mistake we made, or feel ashamed of an abusive or unkind relationship from our past. Sometimes, these shameful events make it difficult to find happiness in our new relationships. So, it’s imperative to address the power these shameful stories have on our relationships and heal our shame so that we can find true love and happy relationships once again.
- Redefine what “real love” is
Most of us are protective of our shameful stories because we labeled ourselves unworthy of love or being loved. Remember, if you fear and hold negative judgments about yourself and your body, you will attract romantic relationships that mirror those feelings and thoughts. Until you disconnect yourself from those stories of shame, it will be tough for you to have a love story that will completely void of any shame, which is what you want. You need to open your heart to invite real, guilt-free love into your life and for that; you need to have courage, commitment, and compassion. So, be vulnerable to your true self first as it will help you to experience what “real love” is. This way you can re-create the same compassion and love for that special person who dreams to have a loving relationship with.
- Respect your feelings
The shame is in your head. It’s real. Burying it or keeping it secret will jeopardize every relationship you have. Besides yourself knowing about your shame, the next worse thing is the other person you are dating not knowing about it.
- Give yourself permission to grieve.
Instead of withholding the shame, feeling remorseful about your stories of shame can be more effective because it encourages communication about what you wished you had done and how you expect to be better the next time.
- Be authentic and transparent
Never back down from being honest, authentic and transparent, even when you are scared. Shame will always make you feel bad about yourself. It makes you think that you are inadequate, unworthy and unlovable. It makes you stay away from being seen and from being loved. Shame makes you distance yourself from people from your life after all why anyone should want to be with someone who is unlovable? So, release your shame, you might feel insecure at first, but it will allow the healing process to begin and help you find new love again, make you love yourself and others to love you.