You may have 10 to 20 qualities on your list that you want to see in your spouse, but there can be only one quality that will make the difference. You’ve had probably read about the problems with deal-breakers in dating and relationships. Deal-breakers are certain traits that you just can’t tolerate in your partner. But some qualities might disguise itself looking like a deal-breakers, or it might not seem that important to you, particularly if the quality is superficial. Or perhaps, rather than focusing on what you dislike or don’t want to see in your girlfriend or boyfriend, you should think about what to look for in a partner to be in a committed relationship or marry, and that’s exactly what list of qualities offer.
If you’re looking for a partner, it’s a good approach to keep yourself on what you want and what you dislike to see in a partner. But, that listicle of yours that have all the desired characteristics might just turn out to be a mirror of your deal-breakers. For example, if you say that you’ve no interest in dating someone who is fat or overweight, perhaps, you’re looking for someone who is healthy and fit. Similarly, if you don’t like to date short women, then maybe you want someone who is tall, and so on.
Subsequently, this will take you to the same problem you had before. If you’re dating someone accordingly with a list of qualities and behaviors that you can check off, it indicates that you are putting more importance on those traits than the rest. Some of these qualities might not be that much of value or importance, and it might be impossible to find all of those qualities in one person. The main issue while dealing with lists like these, whether good or bad, is that most of these qualities often are superficial by nature such as appearance, job status, personal habits, etc. Such traits are easy to assess immediately. We aren’t saying that these qualities are unnecessary, but they do play a significant role in helping us to screen out the men and women that we are most likely to be attracted to. Later, we try to meet them in person and try to figure out if there’s something more. But again, sometimes, we have the tendency to exaggerate their importance easily, feel happy that we finally met someone who fits the bill and runs the risk of ignoring what we want or need in a mate.
And what’s the most important quality that we risk neglecting? Well, it’s the way someone makes you feel. After you’ve met someone new and spent some time in knowing her or him, and thinking about if you want to have a serious relationship with them, your focus should change. Once you feel happy being with the girl you like, and with what she is like, think about how she makes you feel.
The bottom line is, in the long term, this should be your only deal-breaker if you’re looking for a relationship. If the woman you’re dating or in a relationship with, doesn’t make you feel the way you want, it’s easy to conclude that this is not the right person for you. And that’s what really matters.