Relationships and marriages are supposed to be happy and beautiful, not stressful. They should make you live like to the fullest, not make you miserable. We all have heard numerous times that anxiety and stress are bad for your health. Constant stress can cause weakening of the immune system. It’s been well documented that stressful marriages can cause an increase the risk of premature deaths. So in simple term, if you’re in a bad marriage, do something about it, unless you want to leave this planet sooner than expected.
So, what can you do to keep marital pressures and problems from becoming fatal? Here are six tips that might be useful:
1. Think of “we” instead of “me.”
A happy marriage requires teamwork where decisions are made together. Your partner’s happiness should be as important as your own. However, this doesn’t mean that your significant cannot pursue his or her passions or interests, but it does imply that you should always listen and consider your partner’s opinion before making important decisions.
2. Apologize and take responsibility for your actions
You’ll have fights and arguments in any relationships, including marriages. So, practice the habit of saying, “I am sorry.” Take full responsibility for your actions or behaviors, and if any of it was unthoughtful, apologize straight away.
3. Check your motivation and change your confrontational attitudes
Pause for a moment, and think whether your words to your partner help or hurt? Is your confrontation style loving or accusing? Always approach your spouse lovingly and will the aim to resolve an issue. At certain times this means that taking a break to calm yourself when you’re too angry to have a conversation where you might intentionally hurt or accuse your partner.
4. Be accepting to learn new skills for resolving conflict
In most cases, most couples in counseling often put more emphasis on the “You” statement rather than the “I” statement. The thing is that the “You” statements primarily focuses on a person’s character instead of his or her behavior, which can make your partner defensive. For example, saying your husband that he's a jerk while coming home late is much different than saying him that feel frustrated when he doesn't call you let you know that he’s going to be late from work. The first statement is accusatory and demeaning, while the latter exudes your feeling towards your husband.
5. Ask yourself, do you want to be right or be happy?
Too many couples get so fierce and confrontational in their arguments that they barely remember the original issue they’ve been fighting over. The reason this happens because both parties are more focused on who’s “right” than trying to understand the problems in the relationship and resolving them to make things better.
6. Be vulnerable
Being forgiving and opening your heart to the person you love, and care means you’re showing your partner that you aren’t flawless. When you’re in a relationship or married, you sometimes make a mistake, show bad behaviors, make bad decisions, and even fail miserably at certain times. However, forgiving your partner for their imperfections becomes easier if you accept and show your insecurities and flaws.
A marriage is not just a relationship, it's a commitment to each other and it's your duty to make your significant other happy.