So this is the scenario. You’ve met a nice gal and have been seeing her a few weeks, and it’s going well. In the weekend you took her to your friend’s barbecue. After having the meal and a few beers later, she started flirting with all of your buddies. You can’t understand if this just the beers are working, or if it’s her! After a while, you noticed that she was getting a little too close with one of your friends, and what’s worse you caught getting touchy feely with him. You felt sad and angry. Your friends started taunting you that your new girlfriend is a serious flirt.
You need to bring her back and ask her to take care of her flirtatious behavior. But, how and what need to say her? It sucks, and you began to get worried how you will have a serious relationship with her given the fact that you might be dating a woman, who’s looking around for a better option. You hate her acting like this in front of other guys, but you also don’t want to come across as a jealous dude.
So, what is the best approach here?
The thing is if this was a one-time incident, it is okay to let it go. It’s pretty common to see people act or behave a little “off” around new people. In this case, it might be the beers that have resulted in this behavior, or maybe she got a little overwhelmed overcompensated with your friends being extra friendly to her. However, if her “flirty behavior” has occurred more than once, it’s time you look into the issue, particularly if want to have a long-term relationship with her.
Before you bring the issue up for discussion, here is a list of things you should not do:
1. Don’t talk about your friends’ reaction to the flirting. If you do, you’ll see her acting weird around them forever.
2. Don’t accuse or blame her of flirting with your friends. She won’t consider it flirtatious; rather she’ll think her behavior friendly.
3. Don’t ask or tell her to act or behave a certain way or differently. This will only make you appear controlling and insecure.
4. Never issue her an ultimatum. Don’t tell to smile or laugh at your friends in a sexy or inviting way, or else you’ll break up with her. It will make you look slightly aggressive, inconsiderate, and inflexible.
The right approach here will be by addressing your feelings, not her behavior. Tell your girlfriend that you felt a little jealous and insecure when she was touching one of the friend’s hands or placing her head on his shoulders. Also, tell her that you’re still getting to know her and that you aren’t used to feeling like this. End it by saying that perhaps the two of you can talk about this and she can help you out.
This response will work because you aren’t accusing or faulting her for acting a certain way. Rather, this response will encourage her to be more mindful of your feelings and make her realize that the way she behaves or acts affects your relationship. But, if she doesn’t make any effort to take care of her actions, and make you feel comfortable, she’s not for you. It’s for the best that you break up with her and date someone else.