Does this sound familiar? You meet a great girl, you date for a while, and you think things are going great in your relationship. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, she breaks it off. What went wrong? And, more importantly, how can you prevent it from happening again?
With these relationship tips, you can keep your relationship going strong for the both of you.
Keep It Hot in the Bedroom
Let’s face it. Sex is the most important part of a relationship. Without it, you two are just good friends. So, if she starts losing her interest in sex, then she is probably going to lose her interest in you.
Keeping sex hot and steamy is something all couples have a challenge with. Over time, you get to know what each other like and you get into a pattern of doing the same thing. Since you are probably also on a routine for seeing each other too, this just adds to the monotony — like knowing that you will always have sex on Tuesday nights, and that it will start with kissing on the couch, lead to missionary in the bedroom, and end in doggy position. No matter how much fun this was at the beginning, it WILL get boring.
Unfortunately for men, sex gets boring for women a lot faster. So, men need to be really aware of how their partners are feeling. Men notoriously aren’t good at picking up on women’s feelings, which is why that inevitable breakup always seems to be “out of the blue.”
Here are some essential relationship tips for keeping it hot in the bedroom:
- Don’t have sex every time: It sounds weird, but not having sex can actually help you have more, better sex. This is because you break out of the routine of having sex. After you have sex the first time, it is expected that every time you start getting intimate it will lead to sex. If you say goodnight after an evening of passionate kissing and heavy petting without the expected sex, it will make her want it even more and keep things spicy.
- Go on dates: When you were first dating, sex was a lot of fun because you had to build up to it. You groomed, got your best clothes on, gave her flowers, and spent the evening flirting. After a while of being together, you probably just roll on top of her for a quickie before you two fall asleep. No wonder sex has lost its appeal for her!Bring the fun anticipation and buildup back into sex by going on dates and spending the night flirting.
- Take time for foreplay: Remember when your girlfriend used to give you oral sex? Chances are that she doesn’t do that anymore and you miss it. Well, chances are that you don’t give her oral sex anymore either! Sex is a lot better when you have the buildup created by foreplay. So really make the effort to stop being lazy in the bedroom.
When You Two Are Fighting
Fighting and bickering are going to occasionally occur in any relationship. But it is up to you to make sure you don’t let these petty fights ruin your relationship. While you might not be able to control what she is doing or saying, you are still in control of your actions and words. Here are some tips which could save your relationship:
- Let her finish: no matter how much you disagree with what she is saying, she still has the right to her opinions and emotions. Let her finish what she is saying without interrupting. This will show you respect her and lessen the fighting.
- Don’t let silence turn into an explosion of violence: men have a tendency to be silent during an argument – up until a point. The anger and emotions build up during the silent period and come out in a violent eruption. This is where serious damage can be done to your relationship. Avoid this by talking about your emotions from the beginning.
- Ask for a 10 minute recess: NEVER walk away from an argument. You can, however, take a recess. When you feel the fight is entering a danger zone, calmly tell your girlfriend that you recognize there is a problem and that you want to talk about it. But then ask her if it is okay for you two to take a 10 minute break to “cool off and collect our emotions.” You will both be more level-headed after the break.
Be Spontaneous with Your Love
You’ve heard this advice before – like you should spontaneously send her flowers — but spontaneity is difficult if you are trying to be spontaneous. Instead, try to take notice of the little things and then do meaningful things which show you recognized them. For example, your girlfriend says she has had a bad day at work. The next day, send her flowers at work with a card saying, “I hope today is going better than yesterday.” Or, for example, if she gets her hair cut, buy her a piece of jewelry, saying something along the lines of, “you look so beautiful that I had to get you something beautiful to wear.”
Be Proud of Her
When we spend a lot of time with a girl, we tend to forget about all of her amazing qualities and accomplishments. We take her for granted and it isn’t until we lose that person that we realize how special she was.
It isn’t enough to just say you are proud of her (though this is a good start). You’ve got to genuinely show how proud you are. Here are some examples of ways you can show how proud you are of your girlfriend:
- Carry her picture in your wallet
- When you introduce her to new people, follow by one of her accomplishments: “This is my girlfriend Sandra. She is the assistant editor to one of the biggest fashion blogs online.”
- Make a big deal out of any important event, such as promotions.
Help Around the House
Even with it becoming more common for men to do things which were traditionally considered “women’s work,” women still usually end up getting the raw end of the deal. They are expected to hold down jobs and contribute financially just like men (and still get paid just a fraction of the pay for the same work), and then are expected to come home and do tasks like the laundry, making dinner, and cleaning. Get over the chauvinism lurking in you, pick up a mop, and start helping around the house!
Helping around the house isn’t just going to help your relationship. It will probably also help your sex life. There was even a study which showed that men who help around the house have sex more often. Of course, your sole reason for helping around the house shouldn’t be to get sex (but, if you help for the right reasons, your sex life will surely benefit).
Learn to Deal with Jealousy
A little bit of jealousy may be normal, but if you are worrying all the time that other men are looking at her or that she is cheating on you, then your relationship has some serious problems. In most cases, the problem is likely you.
Jealousy is a sign of insecurity. If you were really secure in your abilities as a boyfriend and lover, then you wouldn’t need to worry that your girlfriend is going out for a night on the town while wearing a sexy dress. Here’s a newsflash guys: women are attracted to confidence. This is why jealousy is such a turnoff.
If you honestly think that the root of your jealousy doesn’t lie in your own insecurities (be honest!), then maybe your girlfriend simply isn’t ready for a relationship. If she were, then she wouldn’t feel the need to dress sexily or flirt to get attention from other men.
Talk about Your Goals
Relationships are supposed to grow and develop. It is hard for that to happen if you don’t have any goals in life. You don’t have to make any concrete plans, but it is healthy to talk about your dreams and what you envision for your life.
If you two are really meant for each other, you will find that your goals fit together. Even more so, you won’t be able to achieve your goal without each other. For example, if your goal is to settle down and have a family, make sure that she knows this. You might be surprised to hear that she doesn’t want kids, which could be a deal breaker. But if she shares your dream, then it will bring you two closer together.
Get a Hobby You Can Do Together
At the start, couples usually spend their time going out and having fun together. As the relationship progresses, they spend more time inside, usually just slumped in front of the TV. This can get boring really fast.
If you want your relationship to last, you better find some sort of hobby, sport, or other activity that you two can do together. The activity will give you something to bond over, give you something to talk about, and help you build happy memories together. A shared hobby is also a great way to meet new friends that you can both hang out with. Hobbies are also very important for stress relief, and this alone can reduce the amount of fights you two have.
Continue Your Old Hobbies and Interests
While having an activity that you two do together it important, you also want to make sure you don’t give up on your old hobbies or interests – even if your girlfriend doesn’t share these interests. We see this too often in a relationship. When the couple starts dating, the passion is so strong that they each start seeing their friends less and stop doing the things that they love. The passion eventually sizzles out and you suddenly find that your once-active lifestyle now has transformed into one where you do nothing but sit around and watch TV with your girlfriend.
Without your former hobbies and interests to occupy your time, you get bored and lack a social outlet. You become stressed, and this leads to petty bickering with your girlfriend. You might even come to resent her because she is “holding you back” from doing the things you love.
As much as you love spending time with your new girlfriend, make sure you don’t give up on the other things in life that you love, whether it is your sports league or Monday night quizzo with the guys.
Give Each Other Space
Somewhere along the line, our society got the wrong idea that couples should be spending every moment together. Yes, spending time together is important, but it is also crucial that you have some time apart too. According to relationship psychologist John Aiken, “Couples need space in a relationship so they don't suffocate each other. Having time apart is extremely healthy and keeps a freshness in their relationship. It encourages each person to maintain their own sense of identity while still being a couple, and it fosters independence and strength rather than neediness and clinginess.”
This goes back to the advice above that you need to continue your old hobbies and interests while in a relationship – even if your girlfriend doesn’t share these interests. But pursuing hobbies isn’t the only way to give each other space. It might be as simple as getting out of the house when her girlfriends are coming over, or making a point not to ask any questions while she is reading.
Treat Her Problems As Your Problems
A relationship is a merger, which means that any problem either of you is having is going to affect you both. This is easy to remember in certain situations, like if one of you loses your job and the other has to pick up the financial slack for a while. But, with other scenarios, it is easy to take the “your problem, not mine.” For example, if your girlfriend is gaining weight but you are still fit, you might pressure her to diet or join a gym. Instead, you should both start eating healthier and join the gym together (even if you don’t think you need it). This together approach to problems is what builds strong relationships. The individual approach is just going to lead to bitterness and resentment.