Bashing your ex on your first date with someone new is never a good idea. You’re not going to impress your new love interest with lurid stories of your ex-girlfriend or your ex-husband’s uncontrollable rage during the first hour of your date. But, eventually you’ll have to talk about your previous relationship and what didn’t it last, and sometimes it’s irresistible not always to take the high road.
Problems arise when you start talking about your ex in the early days of dating. Here are few reasons that it’s probably for the best that you should be careful while talking about your former lover.
1. Your date will assume that you’ll talk ill about them like that some day
If you keep trashing your ex, call them lurid and nasty names and criticize their personality, your date will assume that you’re the kind of person who talks about people behind their backs. They’ll eventually think that if something bad happens to the date or the relationship, they too will become the topic of your horrid bashing, which will upset them.
2. Your date will think that you’re someone who doesn't like be accountable or take responsibility for any wrongdoing
It would be responsible if you said to your date about what went wrong in the relationship or marriage before it ended and you tried your best to mend it and take responsibility for your actions. Well, few people are like that, and most of them just blame each other if anything went wrong in the relationship, instead of taking some responsibility for their behavior.
3. Your date will wonder that you’re looking for someone who’s not like their ex
We don’t want to make the same mistakes again. The same goes for relationships too. Past relationships are excellent tutors. When we start dating someone new, we don’t want our new dates to have the traits or the quirky behaviors of our exes, which we could not change. And it caused the relationship to end. Your new date will wonder that whether if you’re going to love them for their desirable traits. So, be cautious when you talk about your ex. For example, if your ex was a night owl, then you probably will like someone who is a morning person, you like to date someone who loves pizzas because your ex loved pasta, you get the picture.
4. Your date thinks if you haven’t moved on
Can’t stop talking or even thinking about your ex? Accusing him or her of the demise of your marriage or relationship? Then, all these points to one direction – you aren’t over your ex and haven’t forgiven her. If this is the case, then you’re still ready to date someone new and be in a relationship.
The Bottom Line
So what can you do? It’s not a good solution if you never talked about your ex. Your date will be on wondering why. Here what you can do. Always talk about your past relationship in a way that feels like never-ending or unresolved conflict. There is no ex-bashing in that conversation. Tell your new date that past mistakes in your previous relationship have made you emotionally mature and helped you learn to become a better person and a partner. Compliment and respect your ex. Tell your new date about all the admirable qualities and traits he or she had in them that made you fall in love with them.