It doesn’t matter if you are new to dating, have been out of the dating scene for a while, or are just hoping to up your game, pretty much ALL men could use some dating advice. In fact, the men who need dating advice the most are usually the ones who are successfully dating. They get too comfortable with their dating style and fall into ruts of boringness and predictability (which leads to some pretty lackluster relationships!). So, here are some vital pieces of dating advice for men from women.
The BAD Advice
Before we get into all of the dating advice which will improve your love life, it is absolutely essential to get all of the bad advice out of the way. And there is a LOT of bad advice out there for men!
Bad Dating Advice #1: Sleep with as Many Women as Possible
Apparently, this advice is so you can “get it out of your system” before you settle down with the right girl. Let’s be honest: it is never going to get out of your system (why do you think Viagra is so popular?). All sleeping around will do is increase your chances of getting a venereal disease (condoms don’t protect against everything genital warts and other forms of HPV).
By the way, sleeping around will NOT help you get better in bed. Men improve their lovemaking skills by being with one woman for long enough to learn things like where her g-spot is located and to get comfortable experimenting with new sexual positions.
Bad Dating Advice #2: Wait 3 Days before Calling
I blame the 90s movie Swingers for popularizing the stupid notion that you’ve got to wait a set amount of time before calling a girl. Supposedly, the 3 day rule will make her want you more because it shows you aren’t all that interested. Really, it will just piss her off.
Bad Dating Advice #3: Act Like You Aren’t That Into Her
The “3 Day Rule” for calling falls into this advice. Supposedly, women want what they can’t get. So, if you do things like wait to call her, blow off dates, or insult her (the infamous “neg” used by pickup artists), then she will be more into you.
Actually, this advice does have some truth to it. By acting like you aren’t so into her or insulting her, you prey on her low self esteem, so she might jump into bed with you. I guess that is fine if your goal is to have a one-night stand (read our guide on how to pick up girls). But, if you want to date a woman, this advice is going to hurt you more than help. You’ll just end up with girls who have serious confidence and self-esteem issues!
Bad Dating Advice #4: She’s Out of Your League
When you think about it, this dating advice is either ridiculously sexist or pathetic. It is sexist because it comes from the 1950s-era idea that a man has to be the breadwinner. He would feel emasculated by a woman who makes more money than him! Get over it or you will only be with losers instead of smart, confident and successful women.
Or, maybe you follow this advice because you have terrible self esteem and think that a super hot girl would never be into you. In the unlikely situation that she is interested in you, you’ll always have to worry about other guys hitting on her. Well, this is pretty pathetic! Don’t let your insecurities stop you from dating beautiful women!!!
Bad Dating Advice #5: Don’t Compliment Her
Apparently, you shouldn’t compliment beautiful women because attractive women are so used to getting compliments that it is verboten. The advice goes on to say that, if you do compliment a woman, then you should do it for something which she normally doesn’t get complimented on – like her shoulders or earlobes or something else stupid.
I agree with this advice, but only in the sense that you should never compliment a woman just to get into her pants. If the compliment is genuine (unlike complimenting her earlobes would probably be!), then it will have a positive effect. Oh, and don’t assume that pretty women know how attractive they are! They often don’t realize it and it will make them happy to hear a compliment.
The Best Dating Advice for Men
Now that we’ve got the bad dating advice out of the way, let’s get into the good advice that every man should be following if he wants to get and keep a woman.
Be the Best Version of Yourself
Too often we hear the advice “be yourself.” This is supposed to mean that you shouldn’t act like a phony, lie, or try to emulate Harrison Ford or some other douche. But, somewhere along the lines, men translated “be yourself” into “don’t bother putting in any effort.”
Instead of being yourself, you should be the best version of yourself. This means getting out of those sweat pants you wear around the house and putting on a nice suit, taking the time to really groom yourself properly, and being on your best manners.
Also, it is okay to show you care about the date! Acting “nonchalant” by showing up to the date unshaved and without a plan for the evening will not do you any favors.
Dousing yourself in cologne does not count as grooming! Neither does taking a shower before your date (though this is part of it). Grooming means that all of your body is going to be appealing for a sexual encounter with a woman. Let me give you an example. A friend of mine was dating a guy and they ended up back at his place. He hadn’t bothered to cut his fingernails, which completely destroyed the foreplay. Obviously it was a big deal since my friend told me about it.
Guys, pay attention to the details. If you expect (or hope) that the date will end sexually, make sure to:
- Brush and floss
- Shave (a trimmed beard is okay, but a few days of stubble is going to feel like a porcupine when you kiss a girl!)
- Shower and use a loofa or other brush to really scrub your body
- Trim your pubic hair (not absolutely necessary but most women appreciate this)
- Cut your fingernails and toenails
- Avoid going overboard with the cologne; one squirt will do it
- Use lip balm if your lips are chapped
- Fix your out-of-control eyebrows, and trim nose hair if that’s a problem
- WASH YOUR HANDS before foreplay begins!!!
Work on Your Confidence
Forget about rock hard abs or a bankroll the size of Montana. What women are really attracted to is confidence. Women are even attracted to ugly men, unsuccessful men, and overweight men, so long as they have confidence.
Do whatever it takes to get your confidence up! This can be as simple as talking to more women in social situations (see our post about how to meet women). It can mean joining a gym to get in shape. Consider getting a hobby. Even something as trivial as a joining a weekly hiking group will make your life more interesting and give you something to talk about.
While on the issue of confidence, ALWAYS ASSUME THAT SHE LIKES YOU! If you are in the middle of the date and start having doubts about how things are going, give yourself a pep talk, reminding yourself that she is into you. This will get your confidence up and that confidence will get her interest in you up!
Do Your Research before the Date
It might seem okay to “wing it” and see where the evening takes you but, without proper planning, the date will probably take you to a dead end. For example, if fail to make reservations at the nightclub and get turned away by the bouncer.
For first dates, find out some vital information before you plan the date. You wouldn’t want to take her to a steak house only to learn she is a vegetarian! You can straight-out ask her what types of things she likes to do, or which food she likes to eat. Or you can scout for clues on her Facebook profile or by asking her friends.
Always make sure to scout out a venue before you take a girl there on a date. That “cool hipster bar” might actually be a tavern frequented by aging drunks, or the “little bistro” might actually be an upscale restaurant.
Don’t Go Anywhere Where You’ll Feel Uncomfortable
You want to impress her by taking her to a poetry reading, but you actually don’t know jack about poetry and being amongst all those turtleneck-wearing poets makes you feel awkward. You want to take her to a fancy restaurant, but you still don’t know how to properly knot a tie.
If you feel uncomfortable in a situation, you will have a hard time relaxing and focusing on your date. When you just start dating, it is generally best to stick to familiar ground for your dates. Forget the swanky new place which opened up. Take her to your local hangout. She will be impressed when the bartender greets you by name and you sit at “your” table.
Don’t Ever Talk about Your Ex
The absolute WORST thing you can do on a date is talk about your ex. Yet, this somehow almost always ends up being a topic of conversation. Talking about your ex is a sign that you aren’t over her yet, and no girl wants to feel like she is in competition with another woman. Plus, I doubt you have a lot of good things to say about your ex, so the conversation will probably be bitter, depressing, creepy, or all of the above.
No “Nights In” Until Date 4
A night in can be a great date – like cooking dinner together and then watching a movie. But you probably shouldn’t have an at-home date until you’ve been dating for a while (after the 3rd or 4th date seems like a good standard). When women hear “night in,” they know it is code for a hookup. So, if you ask her to your place before the 4th date, she will think you are only interested in sex.
As I mentioned earlier in the bad dating advice, you should never follow some stupid 3-day rule for calling women. Just do what feels natural, whether it means calling her right after the date to say what a good time you had or waiting a few days to call and check in.
But remember, you should ALWAYS CALL HER AFTER A DATE– even if the date went bad and you don’t want to see her again. This is common courtesy and she will respect you more for this. If you really lack balls, then I guess it is okay to send a text instead, something along the lines of, “Thank you for a nice night out yesterday. I think you are great, but didn’t really feel much chemistry between us so I’d rather not go out again. All the best!”
Be Cautious about the Declarations of Love
I once went out with a Mexican guy who told me “te amo” after the first date. I burst out laughing when I heard this. Needless to say, he was shocked by my reaction, even after I explained that there was no possible way he could love me after 4 hours together. I’m pretty open-minded and I also chocked his declaration of love up to cultural differences. However, most girls probably aren’t as tolerant as me and get freaked out when they hear things like “I love you” or “you are the girl I’ve been searching for” after just a few dates.
Need some more help in the love department? Check out the free Play It On Point guide here