Let’s make one thing clear: Romance is all about noticing, discovering, appreciating, and not rushing things. When you ask men and women what they think about romance, they will tell you that it’s about planning a romantic date or buying flowers or chocolates for their beloved. Sure, those are important but they are also the least romantic. What is romance, actually?
Romance is a state of mind. It’s the approach you take while looking at your partner, your life, and the world as a whole in such a way that enables you to enjoy and relish whatever is good in your life. Romance is all about savoring your significant other and the gifts and pleasure of your intimate relationship. It is enjoying something that you desire and that makes you feel grateful. This sense of gratuity makes you give back. You stop rushing things. You start to nurture your partner. You get in touch with what makes your partner happy, fulfilled and makes their heart sing. You discover more about your spouse, and in the process, you find a part of yourself that you never knew existed. It makes you calm down and feel less stressed to do the next thing on your to-do list.
Yes, planning a romantic date or buying flowers or chocolates for your partner are all potential romantic actions, but true romance is something else. When your romantic actions come from a place deep place within you that can help you to experience what your life and your intimate relationship have to offer, that is true romance. Then, anything you decide to do from that state of mind will manifest into something that is genuinely romantic.
There is one more thing: Romance, particularly in a long-term committed relationship, needs some form of vulnerability to make it thrive. You have to compromise the instincts that protect you from pain but also prevent you from reaching your true romantic potential. So, you can see that romance also requires a courageous state of mind. Couples say that their intimate partner unconsciously assumes the role of their earliest attachment figures, mainly their parents. That is good news and bad news.
First, lets tell you the bad news. The bad news is that many couples display signs of anxiety associated with attachment. The good news is that when each spouse comes to terms with this, it’s his/her responsibility to regulate not only the thoughts and feelings of their spouse, but theirs too. They can control their powers to make a positive impact on themselves and their partners, too. It’s possible to comfort your spouse, which means that you can calm them down when they are stressed or worried, or be a good and caring partner to them. We aren’t talking about making your partner neutral; we are here to make your partner feel alive and energized. This is romance, and, like it or not; that is your duty and responsibility as an intimate partner.
Romance is bliss, and it’s about being fully present at the moment. As we said earlier, romance is all about noticing, discovering, appreciating and not rushing things. So, savor the moment, savor the romance, and enjoy your partner!