Two people come close to each other, they love each other, and either the relationships thrives and last, or it ends. If the relationship ends, the two partners get over and move on. Later, they get involved with someone else, and the circle continues. But, do all relationships work this way?
We find couples who remain in unhappy marriages for over 25 years, while there are happily married couples for more than three decades. Then, we know people who break up with their partners every three months or so, only to find them in a new relationship that more or less last the same period. So, why do people have relationships with people not right for them?
People don’t like to change. They like to remain with the familiar. It doesn’t matter if it’s an ex-boyfriend, your parents, your brother or sister – no matter how dysfunctional or crazy they seem to see, you somehow managed to live alongside them. You don’t get disturbed by it. You take pride that despite all the craziness in your family, love life, and even your own life, you managed to keep your sanity intact. You have mastered it, survived it, and even made yourself comfortable with it. So, when you meet someone with a similar background, you naturally feel attracted to him or her. Keeping all rational thoughts aside, the reason you’re with someone not right for you is that you believe that this person satisfies a subconscious need in you. If you’re dealing with boredom, depression or frustrated, a “drama queen or king” makes you feel cheerful and alive, even though you know it’s a disaster.
So, you might ask, why do some men and women stay in dysfunctional relationships? There are some reasons for it.
Co-dependency. When you knowingly start having a relationship with someone not right for you, you get attached to his or her drama. Everyone can see how this is creating a tremendous loss to your relationship, but you still decide to stay because you’re getting a great hidden psychological stimulation out of the relationship. It is similar to the effects your brain has when you take drugs.
Low confidence and self-esteem. One big reason people tend to stay in unhappy relationships is of poor confidence and self-esteem. Many men and women think it’ better to be with someone not right for them than being single or alone. To them, it’s easier to deal with wrong relationships, than coping with depression and anxiety associated with loneliness.
Abuse. Men and women who are abused by their partners think that it’s because of their own faults that they’re being abused. If your partner is abusive to you, you blame yourself for it, even after you realize that it has nothing to do with you. Persistent abuse makes you exhausted emotionally, making you helpless to do anything about it.
We can opt ourselves from bad relationships if we stop thinking the situation will get better, and seek support from people around us especially friends and family. We all want to have happy and satisfying relationships with our girlfriends and boyfriends, and if we find ourselves in bad relationships, whatever the reasons are, seek help.